


the fourth corner of the world

by royalgreen (allyoop)



Series: Clock Hands [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Broken Bones, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Camping, Canon-Typical Injuries, Caves, Confessions, Crystals, Developing Relationship, Dirty Thoughts, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Heat Stroke, Hot Springs & Onsen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I'm tagging for triggers but it isn't as bad as it sounds, Kissing, M/M, Mighty Nein as Family, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Near Death Experiences, Pining, Slow Build, Spoilers, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Travelercon, Whump, he's stuck in an angsty spiral AGAIN. sigh., nott the brave detective agency revived again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:29:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 46,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyoop/pseuds/royalgreen
Summary: At last TravelerCon has arrived! Or more like the Mighty Nein have been thrown bodily upon the shores of TravelerCon by some mysterious force.And Essek finds himself dragged along with them.Considering how his last conversation with the whole group went, he is *anxious* to say the least.(Part of a series, but can be read as a standalone if you consider Essek/Caleb already in-progress as a developing relationship.)
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: Clock Hands [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768333
Comments: 49
Kudos: 251





	1. A Mystery Found

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series, although this one can be seen as more of a standalone if you are (1) caught up with CR episodes and (2) consider Essek/Caleb already in-progress as a developing relationship.
> 
> Trigger warnings for canon-typical injuries: blood mention, broken arm, broken leg.

Essek felt a sharp stab in his side; not a knife, but something just as intentionally jabbed. He coughed and moaned as he tried to roll away from the pain. He felt scraped inside-out, his breath shallow and his mouth tasting like dry sand. 

_Sand._ He was lying in sand. As his senses recalibrated and he forced himself to full consciousness he realized three things: he was tangled up in his mantle on some sort of beachy ground, the sun was absolutely blazing into his eyes, and two shadowed figures were standing above him. 

There was another kick to his side.

“Veth, I don’t think you need to do that, he’s awake now.”

“Yeah, well I wanted to.”

“Wh-” Essek sat up and almost collapsed back again. He felt boneless. “Where are we?”

The taller of the silhouettes leaned down towards him. 

“Rumblecusp.” Yasha looked at him with a growing concern. “Do you not remember?”

“Wait, _how_ -”

“You took us here.” The shorter figure was crossing her arms, her tone unpleasantly confirming that she was the one that kicked to wake him. Veth. 

Essek pressed his palms against his eyes, both to stem off the over-bright rays and the migraine scratching at his edges. “I do not understand, how did we get here?”

“Dunno, _Shadowhand_ , you did it.”

He kept his hands against his forehead, trying to clear his thoughts best he could and _remember_. He had tried casting teleportation. It didn’t seem to work. It most definitely should not have worked, not with the number of passengers he was trying to transport and absolute chaos that was the dragon-turtle fight.

He dropped his hands and looked wildly around. “Where is Caleb, where are the others?”

Yasha and Veth glanced at each other, some silent conversation happening in microseconds. Yasha looked back down at him. “We don’t know for sure, I think the spell scattered us.”

Essek began the arduous task of standing up. He felt weaker than he ever had before but he did his best to hide it, grateful his mantle had survived the trip to Rumblecusp with him since he could obscure most of his shaking limbs under the cloak. Yasha looked briefly like she was going to offer a hand to help but Veth shot her a glare.

He attempted to dust the sand off with his unsteady hands. “How can I help?”

“We don’t need your help.” Veth was still clearly on side I-don’t-like-Essek. 

He took a moment to survey the area where they were standing. It was a patchy beach, broken up by outcroppings of rock and brush. He had been lucky to land where he had, against mostly soft sand, rather than splashed across the gravel. There was a series of footprints behind where Yasha and Veth stood, clearly they had walked from somewhere until they had found him. His mind inferred a few connections. “Am I the first you’ve found?”

“Yes.” Yasha sounded a little sad and definitely worried. 

“But like we said, we know where to go to find the others.”

“Did you receive a message from Jester or Caleb?”

Veth gritted her teeth. That was all the answer Essek needed.

Yasha placed a hand on Veth’s shoulder. “Essek was unconscious when we found him. It’s possible the others are too.” She left the alternative unsaid, although the rigid line of Veth’s shoulders demonstrated her worry about that exactly.

“How can I help?” Essek repeated with more conviction. “If time is of the essence…”

“Fine!” Veth gestured towards the beachside dunes near the treeline that led further into the jungle sprawled around the volcano’s circumference. “I jumped up on Yasha’s shoulders to see it, but our ship apparently landed in a different area than us.”

Essek floated up as much as he could ( _he was still so winded, the simple spell seemed to cost him half of whatever barest energy he had left_ ) and then he saw the impossible. There was a glimpse of mast and sail amongst the sandy hills and scraggly trees, at least two miles from the water’s edge.

“How-?”

Veth threw her hands up wildly. “What do you mean, ‘how’? You teleported us!”

“It doesn’t matter.” Yasha interrupted. “We need to go there.” Her tone said ‘ _the matter is settled’_. And she started walking off towards the dunes without looking back. 

Veth stuck her tongue out at Essek and trotted off behind Yasha.

He had no choice but to follow, he had to find Caleb and the rest of his friends-

 _Well, not necessarily his_ friends _anymore, but they were still important. To him. To the world._

Yasha picked her way through the rocky paths, finding the sure footholds amongst the slipping sand and brush. Veth followed deftly behind her. Essek floated, it was easier this way even if the magic came much harder right now, and he didn’t trust himself to not fail miserably at this survival skill and trip at every step.

They were about halfway up the dune when Veth stopped suddenly. 

“Jester!” She shouted.

Yasha turned back. “Do you see her?”

She gestured towards her head, then paused and counted on her fingers. “I’m with Yasha. I’m glad you’re okay, who else is with you? Where are you exactly, use landmarks or something, your message was super confusing.”

Yasha nodded, impressed. “Twenty-five exactly.”

“Yeah, well you know how Jester is about using every word. Oh!” Veth stopped still again. “Stay there, we’ll head over to find you. Just use the damn spell, it’ll be fine, we’ll be there soon…… Yes, Essek is here too.”

Despite Veth’s seeming reluctance to answer that last question, Essek couldn’t help but be touched that Jester had asked after him. Considering all that happened, it was the small things.

“Spell? Is there something wrong?” Yasha asked.

“Fjord broke his leg and won’t let Jester fix it.” She rolled her eyes. “Just when he was starting to act cool and Captain-y, he gets all stupid again! He can’t walk, we’re gonna have to go to them.”

“Did Jester explain where they are located?” Essek spoke up. “I could perhaps use a spell to-”

“Nah, we’re good.” Veth turned towards the treeline to the east of the boat. “Hey Yasha, do you see a tall tree with some sort of blooming things on it? Jester said they’re up against a super tall tree with weird shaped flowers.”

Yasha drew herself to her full height, slowly scanning the treeline. “Hmm, there’s a tall tree over there with some blobby white things on it. It’s a couple hundred feet in the distance, I can’t tell if it’s flowers or not.”

“It’s gotta be that! Let’s go, let’s go!” Veth led the way.

They were lucky to have already been traversing the cliffside, or at least Essek was grateful to not have to retrace too much distance, as they veered towards the jungle’s edge. Essek was, for lack of a more elegant term, _not doing okay_ . He tried to stifle all his cringes of pain and any unsightly panting, but the sun was blistering and unrelenting against his layers of Xhorhasian clothes, and whatever he may have done to get them (and a ship) to the island left him feeling wrung empty. He thought the trees would be a respite, as they walked past the edges of the rocks and into the jungle proper, but whatever escape the shade offered was replaced by stagnant humidity. They needed to find the others and _quickly_.

Yasha kept ahead of the trio, occasionally slicing her sword through a clump of vines that prevented their forward motion. Essek steered well clear of her slices, keeping behind Veth at all times. And if it gave him an excuse to be a little slower, than so be it.

Veth sped up suddenly, running up past Yasha. “I think I hear them!”

They pushed through another couple feet of green tangles and Veth had been right; up ahead was the thick trunk of a tree, overrun with strangling vines and bulbous yellow-white flowers that wrapped up its branches and into the canopy of the tree. And sitting below it were Jester and Fjord. 

Veth tackled Jester in a hug. “We found you, we found you!” She reached over to give Fjord a half-hug/half-shoulder-punch. “You guys scared me! How hurt are you, what happened, have you heard from anyone else?”

Fjord grabbed at the tree trunk he was sitting against, using it as leverage to stand. His leg was bent at an odd angle at the knee, but other than twigs and dirt, there were no ominous red stains on his clothes. 

Jester reached out a hand to help, which Fjord gratefully accepted, and she easily hauled him to his feet.

“I think I hit a few trees when I landed.” Fjord gestured to his leg. “I’m glad Jester found me, she helped with the pain.”

“Why can’t you heal his leg entirely, is it too severe?” Yasha asked.

“I tried!” Jester sighed dramatically. “But Fjord is telling me to save my spells, that we don’t know what we’re up against in here. And I _keep_ telling him the Traveler totally brought us here and he wouldn't do that just to put us in horrible danger, this island is totally safe!”

“The Traveler?” Essek was bewildered. “Your god brought us all here?”

“Oh he’s not a god,” Jester plowed on, ignoring Essek’s increasingly confused expression. “It’s actually like a really long story but he’s still powerful and cool, even if he’s not really a god, and who else would bring us to Rumblecusp?”

Veth pointed at Essek.

“You did ask me to get us all out of there.” 

“Yeah but you didn’t really _know_ where this island was,” She looked a little embarrassed. “And technically to be totally honest I was kind of shouting ‘ _get us out of here_ ’ into the air kinda maybe hoping the Traveler would answer?”

Veth started laughing upon hearing that. Essek ignored her.

“What about the others?” Yasha brought them back on track.

“Oh.” Jester’s face fell a little. “I tried messaging Caleb first but he didn’t answer.”

“What does that mean?” Veth asked sharply.

“I don’t think he’s dead, I’m pretty sure he’s just unconscious or something, or maybe he’s just somewhere where he can’t answer right now?” She looked around at the group. “Now that we’re together and totally not in danger, I could use another spell and try Beau.”

“Please.” Yasha said.

“Okay, okay… Hey Beau! I hope you’re getting my message. Are you okay? Are you with Caleb? Is he alive? Where are you guys? I’m here with-” Fjord nudged her and she stopped. “Oops, that was all my words.”

“How quickly does it usually take her to respond?” Essek asked, trying not to sound as worried as he was.

Jester bit her lip. “Well, usually not too long. Unless…”

“I’m sure she’s fine, Jester.” Fjord said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

There was a pause, a terrible long moment when no one spoke a word, and then Jester’s face lit up. “It’s Beau! She’s okay! And she’s with Caleb and…” Her smile slid. “Oh.” 

“What happened?” Veth knew her expression too well.

“Beau said he hasn’t woken up yet. But he’s alive!” She added quickly, seeing the look on Veth’s face. 

“Where are they?” Yasha spoke for them all, urgency to her tone.

“Beau carried him to the ship, it was the biggest landmark she saw.”

Propping Fjord up between Yasha and Jester, they stumbled out of the trees as fast as they could, following Veth as she bee-lined to the beached ship. Essek hung behind the group, technically floating although his insides felt dragged down towards the center of the earth. _‘But he’s alive!_ ’ didn’t soothe his fears in the slightest. And they were already banged up and depleted, having been in the middle of a dragon battle, and then to be thrown against the shores of an island…. Essek had hit sand. What if Caleb hadn’t?   
His mind was providing too many terribly plausible options and graphic mental images. He forced himself to focus on reality, looking at his companions walking before him, the ease in how they slung arms across and supported each other’s weight, the magic and weapons he knew they carried. Caleb would be fine, he had these strong friends running to his side.

Essek floated silently behind them, still trying to catch his breath against the damp heat of the air, as they plowed faster and faster towards the ship.

They found footprints leading towards the ship. Signs of something being dragged. A few drops of something dark against the pale sand. They sped up.

They climbed past the curve of a dune and the ship rose into sight, its large size emerging from a hill of sand like a breaching whale. It looked mostly intact, considering the how and where, and as Essek scanned the deck of the ship for signs of life, he heard it.

“Over here!” Kneeling in the sand a dozen feet from the ship was Beau, waving frantically towards their approaching group. There was someone laying on the ground in front of her.

“Go.” Fjord leaned off of Jester and she ran towards them. Essek found himself speeding forwards as well, but neither of them were as fast as Veth who sprinted to Caleb’s side. She dived to her knees next to Beau, looking down at his body, her face growing paler.

“What’s wrong with him?” She spun around to look at Beau.

“I found him near the trees, he won’t wake up. I think the pain is too much or something.” She lifted her hands from Caleb’s arm and Essek tried to take it all in. The dark stain across Caleb’s coat. The wet red on Beau’s hands. The shredded edges of his clothes and thorny twigs caught in the fabric. It looked like he had fallen right _onto_ a tree, the gruesome spike of a branch lodged into his broken looking forearm. 

Essek felt a lump of nausea constrict his breathing. Yes, had seen him bloodied before; he wouldn’t soon forget the image of the broken metal slashed across Caleb's throat by the Scourger. Essek remembered the rage he had felt. But these were much deeper emotions now, more tangled feelings. Essek was worried, angry, guilty… He understood this was the normalcy of the Nein’s dangerous lives, but still…. it was hard to watch up close. 

“Didn’t you have a healing potion?” Jester launched forward, helping Beau apply pressure to where the blood was flowing freely.

“I do, but he wouldn’t wake up! I didn’t want to waterboard him with the stupid thing when he’s already so... already...” There were unmistakable tear tracks amongst the sandy dust on Beau’s face. 

“It's his arms.” Veth reached over to brush damp hair away from Caleb’s sweating face. “They fucked around in there, maybe there’s some shitty magic keeping him from waking up or something.”

“We need to get the branch out.” Fjord and Yasha had caught up now. Fjord was leaning over, brow furrowed as he surveyed Caleb’s unconscious body. 

“Fjord’s right, I can’t heal him like this, I can’t risk the stick getting stuck forever.” Jester poked gently at the wound, half-business and half-tearful as she looked at the damage. 

“I’ll do it.” Yasha volunteered, sheathing her sword and kneeling down with the rest of them. “I’ll pull it out and you quickly do your spell, okay?”

Jester nodded and prepared her spell.

Yasha looked to Beau. “Hold his arm still.”

She laughed nervously, but nodded as well. There was a deep stain against her own clothing and Essek wondered how long she had to carry him, hoping to eventually run into one of her cleric friends.

“Wait, wait!” Veth dug around in her side pouch and pulled out a child’s wooden crossbow bolt. She slid it into Caleb’s mouth. “He needs something to bite down on that isn’t his tongue.”

“Good call.” Yasha locked eyes with Beau and Jester, nodded, then yanked out the branch. Veth had true foresight; Caleb screamed around the stick in his mouth as blood gushed anew out of the gore of his arm. Jester rapidly pumped her healing spell into him, her hands glowing green and Caleb’s skin under them knitting back together.

Essek watched it all, eyes flitting between the white of Caleb’s face and the crimson coating his arm, and feeling utterly _useless_ . He had so much magic, knew so many elite and obscure spells, but faced with the near-death of a friend ( _and it would have been, if Caleb was alone on the island, no friends in reach, bleeding out where no one could find him in time_ ) Essek’s magic was worth nothing. He could damage but not repair.

Veth removed the bolt from Caleb’s mouth with a gentleness Essek hadn’t seen her display before. She kept a hand running through Caleb’s hair in a way that made a pinprick of jealousy hit Essek. 

“Is he going to be okay?” She asked.

Jester wiped at Caleb’s arm with her sleeves, brushing aside as much blood as she could. The skin was tight and raw looking, but there was no gaping wound, just a pink scar that ran diagonally through some older white ones. “Pretty sure his arm will be fine. I mean, he’ll need to wake up to tell us, and it may feel stiff or something for a while, but _-thank the Traveler-_ he’ll be fine!”

Yasha stood and walked a few feet towards the treeline, tossing the bloody branch into the jungle. Then she paused, frozen while staring into the trees. She drew out her sword and looked back at the group. “I hear someone coming.”

“Fuck!” Veth didn’t stand up from her position by Caleb’s side, but prepped her crossbow. Beau stood up in front of both of them, hands raised and ready. Jester jumped up beside Fjord, holding out her Traveler symbol while he summoned his sword and held it aloft. Essek let himself softly land, wanting to save every ounce of magic for whatever lay ahead.

They could all hear the sound now, a wheezing rickety sound. A groan on the wind in a cacophony of pitches, growing louder and louder as it ( _or they?_ ) approached.

Then Jester let out a shriek of laughter. “I know that sound!” 

Yasha let her sword droop point-down into the sand. “Caduceus! Orly!”

Two more friends stepped out from the trees, looking dusty but alive. Orly looked surprised to see them.

“Well this sure is a lucky mm-meeting!” He strode towards them, the bagpipes on his back enunciating his steps.

“Boy, I am glad to see you all…” Caduceus noticed the prone figure on the ground between Beau and Veth. “Is that Caleb? What happened?”

“He got a branch stuck in his arm, it was super gross and bloody, but Yasha took it out so I could heal him.”

“Is that what the noise was? I thought I heard something hit a tree.” Caduceus turned back to Jester. “Is he awake?”

“His breathing is a lot better, but he’s still passed out.” Veth tapped Caleb’s chest. “Cay, Lebbie, can you hear me? You okay?”

In between slow breaths he muttered something and Veth grinned.

Beau leaned over. “What did he say?”

“I have no idea, but that means he’s finally awake!”

“Does it?” Beau looked skeptical.

There was another murmur, clearer this time. “That _hurt_.” He opened one eye, squinting up at Veth, then closed it again. “Ouch.”

Essek could see Veth was holding back from wanting to tackle Caleb in a hug, knowing her friend was probably in no state to handle it. 

The whole scene was so heartwarming, the circle of Nein and tortle standing around Caleb, filling him in on what had happened, answering his questions best they could.

Essek had never stood near so many people and felt so completely _alone_.

Jester looked over her shoulder and took a couple steps away from the group and towards him. She held out her hand, indicating he should come join them. He was still standing firmly on the ground, not floating, now rooted down in indecision. He was overwhelmed with the sense that he was _intruding_ , that he shouldn’t be here.

She gave out a little puff of exasperation and walked over to tug on his arm. “Come on, we’re trying to make some plans as a group.”

“Jester, I don’t think I-”

“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t.” Jester’s ubiquitous smile was still dancing but her eyes were serious. “You said you’d try, right? You’re not going to magically get our trust back if you keep being all spooky and aloof.” She started pulling him towards the group.

“Spooky?”

“You’re wearing this big dark cloak when it's like crazy sunny out and you’re hovering around in the background. It’s _weird_ , Essek.”

Jester was so joyfully informal in the face of his Shadowhand mantle, and he couldn’t help but smile. “I’m actually not hovering.” He made a point of stepping down a little harder, so she could hear his footsteps.

“Oh! I wondered why you looked shorter.”

“I, what-” 

She tugged him into the circle, sitting on the ground next to Caduceus and patting the sand to encourage him to join. There was a pause in the conversation as he sat down next to them all, but Essek wasn’t sure if it was his presence or just a natural lull. He felt twitchy, like all the emptied spells he used had been refilled with frayed nerves. 

“We were just trying to figure out what we should do next.” Fjord was sitting cross-legged across from him, his leg seemingly now repaired. “Did you have any thoughts?” 

It was clearly an olive branch. Essek didn’t know how to handle it. “Oh, well, what options have you already considered?”

“Fixing the ship.” Beau pointed towards The Balleater. “But that will require figuring out how the fuck to get it back on the water once it is fixed.”

“We could explore the island, since we’re already here. We might find answers as to what’s going on.” Fjord suggested.

“I don’t know about that,” Caduceus looked back towards the trees he and Orly had emerged from. “The plants did point me in the right direction of you all when I asked, but I got a weird feeling about this place.”

“I don’t know why we’re even discussing this! We’re here! We finally made it!” Jester was practically jumping up and down where she sat. “It’s TravelerCon!” 

“Almost.” Caleb spoke up. He was sitting now, although still looking paler than normal especially considering the hot sun above. “It’s still six days away. We arrived very early and… unexpectedly.”

“That’s true.” Jester settled. “And seeing the size of this island now, gosh I totally don’t have enough decorations. Do you think it’s possible to find a nearby town or something?”

“Why can’t we leave the way we came in?” Veth gestured towards Essek. “It was his spell.”

“I said it before; it wasn’t me.” He answered quietly. He didn’t know why he bothered. In the grand scheme of things, he’d much rather she be annoyed at him for an awry spell then, well, betraying his country and contributing to a war between nations.

Caleb turned his gaze straight at him then, for the first time since this small group had reunited. Essek couldn’t avoid eye contact any longer. He tried not to let his face too openly betray the _want_ , and the _guilt_ , and the _sadness_ he felt when he looked at Caleb amongst his friends like this.

“You didn’t bring us to Rumblecusp?” Caleb asked, his tone light but his eyes sharp.

Beau whirled to look at him. “What do you mean? We all saw you-”

“I didn’t do this.” He interrupted, then regretted his barbed tone. “I don’t remember clearly, there was so much happening in that fight…” He pressed his fingers to his temples, that headache throbbing again in time to his heartbeat, his memories still shades of smeared grey. “I was doing a teleportation, yes, I had the spell ready. But then something broke, there were too many people, too many moving parts. It shouldn’t have worked. I felt my spell fading, but then I felt a _pull_ and…” He gestured around them. “Somehow we made it here.”

“A pull?” Caleb sat up straighter, looking concerned.

“Ah ha!” Jester stood up entirely, pointing at Essek. “Proof! I told you it was the Traveler that brought us here! Did you see anything green when you were casting? Or hear a voice, laughter, anything?”

Essek pressed his hands over his eyes, which was apparently becoming a habit, and dragged his mind through that jumble of memories. “I got Jester’s message. I teleported to the ship and almost slid off-”

“Yeah, that dragon-turtle was really tilting the ship.” Fjord gritted his teeth at the memory.

“There was a wall of flame we all ducked behind,” He looked towards Caleb. “And then the winds shifted suddenly, I remember getting blown and knocked against the railing.”

“That was my fan.” Beau said, without a hint of regret.

“You ran straight towards it, sword out,” Essek nodded towards Yasha. “But got knocked backwards along with half the deck getting ruptured. And that’s when Jester asked to ‘ _get us out_ ’.”

“To be fair, we were all almost on our last spells, I didn’t know how much longer...” 

“You don’t need to explain asking for help.” Yasha patted Jester’s shoulder. “I got knocked out when it threw me against the deck. I’m glad we got out when we did.” 

Essek closed his eyes again, replaying those last fraught seconds. He had drawn out his spell, yelled at everyone to get closer, saw instantly that there was no way for it to work with the Nein and crew so scattered. He had done a few rapid calculations, he could only take the people nearest to him, and maybe come back for the crew still stuck below deck, or maybe not. Maybe just apologize later for not getting them all… And in those heated moments of analysis, some debris had hit him and knocked his breath out, the spell was fading and-

“ _Oh_.” Essek opened his eyes, but kept his hands up to shade against the sun as he looked at Jester. “I wasn’t able to complete my spell, but as my magic faded the runes started to glow again.”

“Were they green? They were totally green. Hellooo, it’s the Traveler!”

“I’m unsure, but it was definitely brighter than my usual. And I felt a deep tug inside, like someone was forcing me through the tunnel of my spell.”

“And we all landed here.” Caleb looked inland, his eyes resting on the very prominent volcano bursting up from the horizon.

“This may be a possibly dumb question,” Fjord looked towards the volcano as well. “We _are_ sure this is Rumblecusp, yes? Not just another random island in an ocean full of islands?”

“It is _really_ convenient.” Beau seemed to pick up on what he was thinking.

Jester crossed her arms. “Look guys, I know things have been really bad lately, with betrayals and mistrust and also the Traveler revealing he actually isn’t a god-” Essek felt his ears heat up a little, knowing he was most definitely counted amongst the _betrayals_ she listed. “But he said that he needed me, he wanted my help, said he couldn’t put on TravelerCon without me. Why is it so hard to believe that he would teleport us all here so that we can help?”

“Oh Jester, it’s not that we don’t believe _you-_ ” Beau started.

“He brought The Balleater.” Fjord gestured at the looming ship behind them, casting a wide shadow across the dunes. “He brought all of us, the whole crew, and the _entire ship_.”

“He’s pretty powerful.” 

“Why hasn’t he done anything like this before?”

“Maybe he was just waiting for the right time!” Jester sounded slightly like she was trying to convince herself as well.

Essek didn’t know why he had been brought into this discussion circle. It was an argument he had little context for or any desire to complicate.

“He is an archfey.” Caleb spoke quietly leaning over towards him, seemingly reading his thoughts.

“To latch onto and manipulate my teleport spell...to take a whole ship through...” He gave Caleb a look, knowing he could read that too.

“He’s an unknown variable, and there are a great number of strange things in this world.” Caleb shrugged. “I’ve already thought about the other possibilities. Our list of enemies, although long, does not contain any singular person powerful enough to do this.”

“But if several of them teamed up…” Essek was thinking of the very people he had worked with and tried to leave behind. Caleb was already there ahead of him.

“There is always the possibility, but there’s no motive.” Essek made a contrary ‘ _hmm’_ and Caleb kept going. “Not yet, at least. There’s been no time for your face to have been unmasked and your plans revealed. We’re still the only ones that know.”

There were a million things Essek wanted to say, rebuttals danced on his lips, apologies chasing right behind them. Nothing that would help his situation though. 

“What are you kids whispering about?” Caduceus smiled down at them. Caleb and Essek had been leaning across his space in order to have this side conversation. While Essek had always been the most open with Caleb out of the Nein, he knew Caduceus well enough that he had most definitely heard their conversation and had been politely pretending he didn’t. 

Caleb sat back. “I think Jester’s right. I also think Fjord’s right.”

Jester did a little fist pump and Fjord responded, “About what?”

“I think we should explore the island. If the Traveler did indeed take us here, why hasn’t he shown himself yet? If this is where TravelerCon will be held, why aren’t there any other people, or structures, or other ships?”

“You said we’re pretty early.”

“Six days is early, but shouldn’t there be some sign that such a convention is happening in less than a week?”

“Maybe he was just waiting for me to arrive! I’m so glad I spent the trip making all those party favors and stuff, he’s going to be so glad when I show him everything I’ve already done.” She paused, staring out towards the volcano a good distance away from the beach. “But if he brought us here, where is he now? Is something keeping him from talking to me?”

Veth stood up suddenly, looking to Jester with a big smile on her face. “Jester. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

She looked at Veth, then matched the grin. Essek thought he could hear Fjord mutter ‘ _oh no’_ under his breath.

“Our ship’s hero, suddenly disappeared-” Jester struck a dramatic pose.

“' _Hero'_ is a strong word, but okay, I’m following.” Veth leaned up against her just as dramatically. “A deserted island, hidden danger at every turn-”

“A group of unlikely friends and together they have the right skills for the job-”

“And a mystery to end all mysteries! Can we find the missing ‘god’ before the event held in his honor?”

Jester high-fived Veth. “The two best detectives are on the case!” She spun around. “Caleb, what time is it?”

“Oh, uh, exactly two-thirteen in the afternoon.”

Essek gave an impressed glance to Caleb. That particular skill never failed to awe him. 

“That’s plenty of time! We could start journeying up to the volcano today. If the Traveler is going to be anywhere, it’ll be right where all the action is happening.”

“Jester, isn’t it an active volcano?” Fjord seemed a little uneasy.

Jester placed her hands on either side of Fjord’s shoulders. “The Traveler walks beside us. We’ll be fine.” She looked behind her. “Caleb, are you feeling okay now? Can you walk?”

“You healed me well, do not worry.”

“And Caduceus fixed my leg, so we’re all good to travel now.” Fjord shot a grateful glance at his friend.

“You still should have let me use a spell.” Jester sighed.

Fjord inclined his head towards Caleb. “Would you have been able to do that big heal if you had fixed me up first?”

Jester just stuck her tongue out at him, no real heat behind the gesture. “Just because I mostly prepared fighting spells doesn’t mean I can’t also heal. I am a cleric after all, even if it's for a sort-of-not-a-god.”

“ _Ja_ , and we were glad to have you by our side in that fight,” Caleb smiled at her. “Should we really venture into the jungle when we know nightfall is only hours away? Would camping on the beach and leaving at sunrise be a better alternative?”

“Orly could use our help.” Yasha looked up towards the boat, where the crew and Orly were surveying the damage.

“We’ve been on the boat so long already, and that was _so_ boring, I mean, dragon-turtle fight aside. Don’t you want to explore the island?” Jester pointed at the volcano. “I don’t know about you guys but I really want to scope out the best areas for TravelerCon, the best place to set up a campsite, an area for concessions…. Maybe an exit gift shop.”

Beau got up to stand beside Jester and Veth. “The crew can handle the ship. Marius!” She shouted. 

Marius peered over the edge of the deck towards her. “No I haven’t killed anyone yet!” He answered shrilly. 

“That’s not what I, oh nevermind. Marius, help Orly do whatever he needs to do. The rest of us are going exploring.”

He gave her a little salute and turned back to pass the message to the rest of the crew.

“Well, I’m always up for finding some weird new plants, and I think you’ll need me to help translate anyways.” Caduceus joined them, Yasha standing up as well. 

Jester was vibrating with excitement.

“I’m still pretty iffy about TravelerCon, but after this week of sea battles, I can’t deny adventuring through the jungle sounds pretty good right now.” Fjord helped Caleb to his feet and they both walked over to Jester’s little group.

That left Essek feeling incredibly awkward, still sitting on the ground alone. He stood up ( _what else could he do?_ ) but didn’t step forward just yet, taking a few slow moments to brush the sand off his mantle. He desperately wanted to just ask, to be able to say it openly and clearly; _do you want me here? do you still want me to join, even after everything, even now?_

But he didn’t say any of those things. “Well, it seems you all have a solid plan for your day. I can’t say I’m eager to join any TravelerCon activities, especially if it means my absence will be extended and perhaps noticed back in Xhorhas. I shall be taking my leave now. It’s been…” Essek had no idea how to finish that sentence, so instead he hoped that their short rest had been enough, and started his teleportation spell.

At first he thought perhaps he had been counterspelled. Jester’s immediate objections sure were loud enough to obscure the sound of any unfriendly spellcasting. Or maybe he was still too emptied to attempt such a spell. But Essek had felt his magic well up like usual and pass down through his arms and fingertips, reaching out to the threads of time and space, ready to take him away. But he had been _blocked_. It felt like he had hit an invisible wall.

“Essek.” Caleb stepped towards him. “Are you trying to leave?”

“Emphasis on _trying_.” Essek was looking down at his hands, flexing his fingers slowly. “Something stopped me.”

“That’s good then!” Jester called out. “Now you can stay with us! I bet you’ll love TravelerCon once we get there.”

He raised a hand, snapping his fingers and trying to draw open his pocket in space. Nothing happened. He tried again. No dimension opened. “Oh _no_.”

“Perhaps you are just…tired?” Caleb offered. 

“No, that can’t be, I-” Essek felt some horrible nausea wash over him. “Caleb, my _books_. I keep my spellbooks in my pocket dimension. What if I can’t access them, what if-”

“ _Essek_ ,” There was a hand on his shoulder, interrupting his thoughts and holding him in place. Caleb leaned in closer. “We will figure this out. Together.”

And there it was again, an intensity to his blue eyes that Essek wanted to curl away from, but only found himself being drawn further in. “My _spells_ , Caleb. What am I without-” He had a sudden thought. He pulled away from Caleb’s hand ( _regretting the loss of touch immediately_ ), and focused himself. Then Essek was floating a few inches off the ground again. 

“Why does _this_ still work?”

He could see a few gears turning behind Caleb’s expression. Essek was starting to formulate a hypothesis as well.

“You _guys_ , what are we waiting for?” Beau pointed up towards the sun. “Aren’t we trying to cover some ground before it gets dark?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if we want to still be wandering the jungle when the sun sets.” Caduceus added. “It’d be nice to be all settled in and under Caleb’s dome before it’s too late into the night.”

“Oh my gods, we could totally set up a campfire and roast some food and tell stories and maybe the Traveler will show up and-” Jester was getting that glint in her eye again.

“Like a jungle sleepover?” Veth asked. “Weird. I like it.”

“We could definitely have a scary story night.” Beau grinned. “I know some crazy ones.”

“Is a sleepover different than what we already do, sleeping together?” Yasha asked.

“I mean, not really?” Beau shrugged. “It's just a more intentional party atmosphere, rather than us passing out after a fight.”

“TravelerCon pre-party!” Jester shouted and grabbed Veth and Beau’s arms to skip into the treeline edge. “Chaos Crew! Chaos Crew!” 

Fjord laughed and started after them. “We should catch up before they alert the whole jungle to where we are.”

The rest of them followed suit, the atmosphere much happier than an hour ago. Essek was continuously disconcerted at how easily the Nein could rephrase a disaster into an adventure.

Caleb’s hand reached back up to his shoulder and Essek found himself stepping normally across the sand, forgetting to float in this moment. 

“I don’t like this.” It was an understatement.

Caleb gave him a half-smile in agreement. “Don’t let Jester’s mood fool you; none of us do. But we can’t just stay on the beach and stick our heads in the sand.”

They walked in silence for a few more paces, Caleb’s hand sliding off his shoulder, Essek's own hand almost reaching out to catch it before thinking better of it.

“How do you deal with all this?” Essek bit his lip; it had come out so vague, instead of the words he wanted to ask.

“People are worth it.” Caleb responded.

It was another ambiguous phrase, replied in kind, but Essek tried to breathe in every syllable of it. He thought he was beginning to understand.

Feeling just one drop calmer, Essek pushed forward into the jungle with the Nein, purposely avoiding thoughts of what could lay before them.

 _He could do this_. 

The trees were growing thicker and greener with each ten minute interval inwards. They kept walking. 

_He had to_. 


	2. A Mystery Unbound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: insects, insects killed by fire, drug/alcohol references, behaviors akin to being drunk.  
> Let me know if there's anything else I should tag!

The jungle was just as unforgiving as the first time Essek had ventured into it. He didn’t doubt there was a volcano towards it’s center; the temperature seemed to be rising as they walked. While the canopy and late hour hid most the sun away, Essek still had to cope with the humidity, random swarms of bugs, and the squelching ground underfoot. He floated for durations when he could, which sadly wasn’t as long as he’d hoped. While he seemed to have some control left on his physical magics, everything else still frustratingly blocked, he could only maintain the spell for fifteen minutes before needing to walk for a while. 

He was sweating, he was miserably tired, he was desperately missing his books. 

And Jester  _ would not be quiet _ .

He liked the Nein a great deal, despite all first impressions and evidence to the contrary, but it was sensory overload to hear her constant cheerful banter and questions, and when no one answered, she took upon answering herself.

“Gosh, I wonder how many other people are invited? I mean, technically I know I’m like the high priestess and original member and like the Traveler’s best friend or whatever, but I wonder if there’s a second-high priestess. Or priest. Ooh, I wonder if I get an assistant, a second in command-”

“Why not one of us?” Veth asked, walking beside Jester.

“I want someone to boss around. I don’t want to do that to you or Beau, we’re friends!”

“Eh.” Beau shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind, it’s not like you’re gonna tell us to sacrifice someone or something.”

Jester took a split-second to think about that, and Beau’s eyebrows shot up. “No, no, the Traveler doesn’t want that. He wants to be free of his responsibilities, take a vacation from all his followers’ demands. Can you imagine how crazy it would get if someone died at TravelerCon? The prayers and questions would just triple, what with everyone freaking out and calling out to him and-”

“I just want to hear you say it Jester.” Fjord interrupted. “Just say the words ‘ _ no we will not sacrifice anyone at TravelerCon _ ’.”

“Obviously that isn’t part of the plan!” Jester patted the glittery homemade figure of the Traveler that swung around her neck. “Technically, and I mean I’ll have to confirm it when we find him, but it sounds like I’ll be the one in charge of all the planning, and I definitely don’t want to sacrifice anyone, ugh, so messy. I just want this to be a big party and everyone is dancing and celebrating the Traveler and-”

“Big orgy!” Veth laughed. “This is going to be a green-cloaked orgy!”

“I mean…” Jester giggled as well, but there was a thoughtful expression on her face. “I’m not gonna stop anyone or judge if some of his followers want to get their freak on or whatever. It’s an island in the middle of the ocean and what happens here, stays here.”

“You know, I still have some of that hallucinogenic fruit from that underground orchard.” Caduceus suggested.

“I don’t think the Traveler needs any help with that.” Fjord gave Caduceus a ‘ _ please don’t remind her we have that’ _ kind of look.

“Could you make a cocktail with some of that?” Beau looked delighted at the prospect.

“I could make a juice, sure.” 

“Oh my gosh,” Jester turned to look at Caduceus. “Do you want to be in charge of the food? You’ve gotten so much better. You baked that cake thing while we were on a ship! Imagine what you could do in this jungle! I’m sure there’s tons of edible fruit or leaves or whatever around.”

“Good idea, Jester, I’ll keep an eye out for anything interesting as we walk.”

“Speaking of,” Caleb spoke up. “It is nearing sunset. We may want to find a clearing to set up camp while there is still light.”

Essek was singing Caleb’s praises in his mind. He’d never admit it out loud, but he felt like he needed to sit for about a  _ week _ before venturing any further. 

“You wanna Frumpkin it?” Beau asked Caleb.

“Exactly as I was thinking.” He snapped his fingers and a dappled orange monkey appeared. “Good Frumpkin. We need you to climb up and tell us what you see of the jungle ahead.” Caleb reached out a hand and Beau stepped under it with a long practiced familiarity. His eyes blinked and then went ice-blue. Essek assumed he was now gazing through his familiar’s sight.

Frumpkin skittered up the tree until he disappeared amongst the green and brown.

“The volcano is still a ways off, another day’s travel perhaps.” Caleb explained. “There seems to be no breaks in the trees, it is dense green around us for miles. And still there seems to be no man-made touch upon this island.” He gripped Beau’s arm tighter. “There’s movement. It doesn’t follow the same direction as the wind.”

“What? Is it coming our way?”

“Beau, you know he can’t hear you when-” Veth began.

“There’s definitely a vibration through the trees, it is heading our way.” Caleb continued. Frumpkin scampered back down to rest beside Caleb and his eyes returned to their normal blue. “We have just minutes.”

A gust of tension blew through the Nein.

“We need to prepare in case we’re surrounded.” Fjord’s sword materialized in his hand. “Backs to each other, eyes on the trees.”

Essek was the only one who hesitated. What possible use could he be in this fight? His best spells were depleted or obstructed. He stepped into their formation anyways, standing between Caleb and Yasha, hoping that would be a strategic defense.

With Jester quiet and their movement halted, a rare silence drifted over them. There were little chirps and buzzes, life still moved around in the jungle, but it seemed to be nothing larger than a bird. 

They waited.

“Soon.” Caleb whispered, his mind ticking off the seconds precisely.

Another moment.

Then, “On the right!” Caduceus pointed his staff towards the direction and suddenly something dark and shiny burst out of the underbrush. It seemingly split into pieces, a herd of scuttling things, glossy armored bodies the size of dogs but with way too many limbs.  _ Mutated large ants _ .

He had almost expected the threat to be larger, but Essek regretted this thought immediately as the full swarm poured from the trees, surrounding them in a continuous arthropod wave. 

“Why does it have to be bugs again!” Beau shouted over the sound of stampeding legs and many spells being cast at once. She was punching and kicking as they came, but for every one knocked down, two more crawled up.

Caduceus’s beetles and Jester’s hamster unicorns formed their own wave against the insects, beating a path through the swarm. Fjord and Yasha were swinging like they were mowing grass, slicing through exoskeletons with little resistance. Anything still left twitching Veth finished off with a well-aimed bolt.

But they kept coming. More and more and more in the horde.

“Caleb!” Fjord called over his shoulder. “This would be a good time for a little fire!”

“They’re right up against us, unless you are asking to be burnt along with them?” He shook one off his pant leg, kicking it towards Yasha who cleaved it easily. 

“Where are they coming from!?” Jester swung her axe like a shovel, hitting another group back. 

Essek’s mind was racing for any semblance of a plan to grasp onto. They were still unrested, no one had big spells left, and they were  _ ants. _ Yes, dog-sized and utterly numerous, but ants! Surely, the Nein could handle this? But wave after wave of crawling insects bit and tore at them, clung and weighed down the arms holding weapons. There had to be something he could do, even without his usual arsenal,  _ something _ .

“Jester, no!” Veth shouted and caught all their attention. A grouping of ants were rushing aggressively at Jester, tugging and clawing at her clothes, pulling her off in the direction of the trees. 

“Don’t let them separate us!” Fjord called out. 

Ants were just  _ things _ , right? Moving, crawling, numerous bodies of fiber and protein, but still technically things. Essek reached inside him, embracing that familiar pool of his magic, and let it drive out through his arms and  _ pushed _ . The pile of ants near Jester toppled and rolled backwards by an invisible force, pushed aside like wooden furniture. 

Veth quickly helped Jester to her feet and pulled her further away from the ants.

“Essek!” Caleb was running up to his side. “Can you do that again?”

“I think so.” Essek recognized the way Caleb’s eyes narrowed in focus, like when he was dealing with a particularly vexing problem in a spellbook.  _ What was he planning? _

“Jester, Veth, get to the side as far as you can!” Caleb shouted out, positioning himself right up against Essek. “On three. One, two-”

Essek mentally grabbed at his magic again, scraping the bottom of the well more than he’d like, but he held it steady. He glanced at Caleb who had his hands full of a white powder.

“Three!” He grasped Essek’s hand in a crushing grip, driving his other hand forward in a line before him.

Essek followed suit, pushing out again, sending the invisible wall towards the fresh group of ants surging towards them. But this time he felt a warm presence rush through his usually cold force. Threads of flames were woven into his push, searing red spirals that knocked into the insects with double the intensity and force.

If ants could scream, they’d be silent, as the wave was incinerated before they could feel what was happening.

There were still pools of ants circling, but the tide had turned. Their skittering grew more nervous, the ants falling back into defense rather than pushing forward against the Nein. 

Caleb was panting, sweat and soot across his brow, and he was still holding Essek’s hand although his grip had lightened into a gentler one. “I think we scared them.” He smiled at Essek.

“Did you know that would work?” Essek wanted to distract him, to not let him notice their hands still clasped.

“No.” His smile grew brighter. “But it seemed like a worthwhile risk.”

Caleb’s magic still glittered in the air, running little shocks up Essek’s arm. 

“Wizards!” Beau shouted out at them. Essek hoped she was just too far away to see their hand position. “We could use some clean up over here!” There was one small wave of brave insects, still attempting to hold the line against the swords and unicorns and monk-punches of the Nein.

Caleb let go of his hand and ran over to join her. Essek allowed himself one millisecond of disappointment before chasing after.

It was quick work after that. They were never going to win by destroying them all; the jungle seemed to provide an endless supply of ants. But whatever fearless drive had been compelling them to attack had dissipated as more and more of them were struck down. And the remaining bunches skittered back into the trees, wanting to avoid the fate of their smashed and burnt brethren.

“Well that was weird!” Jester said jovially as she used her axe like a broom to pile up some of the bodies.

Fjord was wiping his sword against a tree trunk, trying to clean it of sticky goo and shell. “What sent them after us?”

“I mean, we were talking pretty loud in a jungle that’s pretty quiet.” Caduceus poked at some of the ant bodies, watching as they shriveled into grey husks and decay before him.

“We do have a pretty bad track record with jungles and forests.” Beau reminded them. “But at least this one doesn’t seem to have a hag at the end of it.”

“Or zombies!” Jester looked around at her group. “Anyone get hurt? I mean, I can't really do anything because I kinda don’t have any healing spells left, but if someone is hurt I could probably do a medicine check at the least and I do have this old healer’s kit, do those ever expire?”

“I mean, my ego’s pretty hurt.” Veth kicked an ant body into Jester’s pile. “Those things were faster than my arrows, that sucked!”

“They were also as tall as you.” Fjord grinned at her.

“Hey you’re one to talk, those ants can lift ten times their bodyweight and here you are still unable to carry your own weight in this group.” She grinned back at him.

They all laughed at that and Essek had to conclude, once again, that friendship was still so variable and strange to him. 

“What now?” Yasha asked, her eyes still focused on the trees around them for any sign of further movement.

Caduceus was still walking around, decaying the piles of bodies after Jester arranged them. “Hey, Caleb, what time is it?”

“Hm, five forty-eight in the evening.”

“You know when the sun will set?” Fjord asked.

“ _ Ja _ , of course. This time of year it will begin sunset in an hour and forty-two minutes.”

“I think we should call it an early evening.” Fjord looked around at his friends, still sand-dusted and twig-covered from their landing, and now with an added flavor of  _ ooze d’ant _ . There was exhaustion starting to hang onto their limbs. “It’s been a long day. And week. And year, if we’re being honest.”

Jester pouted. “I’m so mad I used up so many spells, I don’t have any left to try to talk to the Traveler! Obviously I’ll still talk to him, like out loud in the air, and write in my sketchbook for him to look at, but I really like having that guarantee sometimes, especially lately he doesn’t seem to answer unless I use a spell to ask my questions. I need to find out where he is!”

“The Wildmother is always listening too.” Caduceus patted her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, but like is she going to answer me when I ask about the volcano and if it’s hot enough to do baking on the inside or whether I should set up all the food stands outside? And also if there’s any more ants coming tonight for us, or if we have to clear more of them while we walk, and maybe we should get rid of all of them since ants would totally ruin the picnic part of TravelerCon I’m planning.”

“Oh, uh, well I don’t think the Wildmother really has an answer for that, that’s kind of a complicated ask.”

“Caleb,” Fjord has his ‘ _ let’s focus now’ _ voice on. “Do you remember-”

“Yes, always.” He smiled innocently, a little twinkle to his eye.

“Of course. When you did your Frumpkin-sight thing, did anywhere stand out to you as a good place to rest?”

“There were no clearings, nothing of the sort. Just a green canopy as far as Frumpkin could see.”

“So anywhere is good.” Fjord said. “Let’s keep going for another hour or so, then clear some of the plants and make our own space to set up camp.” He held up his sword and Yasha mimicked the gesture with a nod. They began pushing forward through the trees again in the direction of the middle of the island.

“Ooh, Beau, that reminds me!” Jester skipped up to walk beside her. “How do you feel about hats? I was thinking that maybe instead of green cloaks, because everyone is going to have those on, I could make a big hat that’ll set you apart and show everyone that you’re a high-up Traveler follower!”

“Oh,” Beau looked startled. “You’re really serious about this, huh. I’m happy to help you out, but I dunno if I want to be so... prominent during TravelerCon. I love that you love him, but I haven’t really made up my mind about him?” There was a pained look to her eye, like she was choosing her words carefully. “What if I was your bodyguard? All cool high priestesses need bodyguards.”

Jester patted Beau’s bicep. “Okay, okay, you do totally look ripped and intimidating. And that’ll make me look so much more important, like no one can approach me without getting through you first!”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“Veth!” She turned to her other friend. “I already made you a hat, gosh I hope you like it, I kind of assumed you’d be joining me too, but I guess if you also want to be a bodyguard like Beau-”

“Oh, no, I want to look super important too, what does the hat look like? Can you show me now?”

“I could be a bodyguard.” Yasha volunteered, flexing her arms a little with a smile.

“ _ Yes _ .” Beau raised a hand to highfive her. “Team strong babes at the ready!”

Their chatter was overlapping, joyful, and  _ noisy _ , and although Fjord suggested talking a little quieter as they walked, the atmosphere was too full of post-battle adrenaline to stifle.

Caleb hung back a few paces from the forward chatty crew. Essek was grateful for company although he wasn’t sure if it was a conscious choice or if his fellow wizard was feeling just as winded as he was. Essek snuck a glance to look at Caleb every handful of steps. There was a smear of soot across his cheek that was begging for Essek to reach out and brush away. His mind lingered traitorously on that thought. It would be so easy; no one was looking backwards at them, and he could take Caleb’s hand again and pull his body flush against his own. Maybe they could lean against a tree, taking advantage of the canopy of shade to hide their kisses, hurried as they raced against time with their friends marching on, but heated all the same. Essek  _ missed _ Caleb, in the way they used to be, exploring in magic and in touch, minds and bodies both hungry for the same thing. He remembered the feel of Caleb’s bare skin under his hands, his neck under his lips and teeth-

He tore his eyes away from the soot on Caleb’s cheek, resolving not to glimpse that way again for a long while. His face was burning, stronger so than what the sun had left behind. 

The walk continued as what light that scattered down through the leaves grew deeper golden as the sun began its descent. The end seemed near; Essek  _ could _ do this. He just had to hold out a bit longer. It doesn’t matter that he’d been properly  _ walking  _ for what felt like the longest duration in his life, or that he was certainly singed deep purple from the sun exposure, or that his magic exhaustion felt like running on hopeful fumes, or that his mantle was covered in damp and was that from sweat or the air? He could do this. 

“Yasha has her harp, and oh my gosh you’ve gotten so awesome at it too! We have Caduceus on the flute, and me on piano obviously, although it’d be nice to be the lead singer. I could do both, of course, would that be like selfish to be both high priestess and master of ceremonies and lead singer for the opening band?” Jester was still in full planning mode. “Beau, can you sing?”

“Please don’t ask me-”

“Okay you can be percussion or something, we can make you a drum set!”

“I can totally sing!” Veth piped up. “Wait, what genre are we going for? I know some pretty weird songs.”

“Fjord-”

“No.” 

“Okay okay, fine, you party pooper. You can be our groupie. Essek, what about you? Can you do anything musical? It can be magic too, like my piano isn’t really a piano but a magic piano. Can you do anything like that?”

Essek was interrupted from his focus of forcing one foot in front of the other and looked up to see Jester walking backwards, intently looking at him for an answer. “Oh, erm. No, not really. My skillset doesn’t really lend itself to anything of that nature.”

Jester stopped walking for a moment, letting the rest of the group catch up to her lead. “Whoa, Essek, you look like my dad.”

“Wha-?”

“Like all wet and stuff. Are you okay? Do you think you got some sort of jungle fever? Oh gosh Beau remember when you totally got bit by an evil mosquito or something and you were totally poisoned, and- oh whoa!”

Essek tripped over a vine in that moment, but caught himself before looking a complete fool and hitting the ground. So of course he was utterly surprised to feel a strong arm around his waist helping him off the ground and back to standing.

“Hey there friend, you feeling alright?” The tall form of Caduceus was practically carrying him as Essek leaned against him for stability.

“Wow Jester you’re right, he’s looking super sweaty.” Veth held out a handkerchief but it didn’t really feel like a balm to Essek.

“I just need a moment. It was a vine, I didn’t see it, it appeared out of nowhere.” He knew he sounded ridiculous trying to explain himself.

Caleb stepped in front of Essek’s swimming vision, a tense expression on his face. He immediately reached towards Essek’s mantle and started undoing the clasp. “Why are you still wearing this? It is terribly hot on this island.” 

“A habit.” Essek answered, although he knew it was a poor excuse. He had been clinging to any sense of normalcy while thrown into this unasked-for adventure. He reached up to help, but found Caleb’s efficient fingers had already unfastened his cloak and was pulling it from his shoulders. The discarding of that extraneous layer already helped immensely.

Caleb handed Essek his cloak. He reached up to cast the door to his pocket dimension, then halted as he remembered it wouldn’t work. “I guess I will carry this.”

Caleb was still eyeing him slowly up and down. Inner-monologue afflicted as he had been, Essek was now observant to the fact that the Nein had already abandoned their Xhorhasian cloaks and coats, items rolled up in their bags or tied around their waists. He felt useless and out of depth, again. 

“Can I?” Caleb’s hands were already floating up towards Essek’s face, a familiar motion that set Essek’s thoughts heatedly racing ahead. Essek nodded. 

Caleb undid the top half of the whirled clasps on his jacket and then left his hand gently planted on Essek’s chest against his shirt. “Take a few breaths now.”

Essek obliged and pulled in a deep inhale of air.  _ Relief _ . He had been so stubborn when the solution had been so simple. The jungle was clearly not an event that required four fine layers of clothing.

“You may want to consider, er, disrobing a bit for our continued journey.” Caleb’s hand was still against his chest, tracking the beating heart underneath. There was a pink tinge to Caleb’s cheeks, and Essek could convince himself it was  _ him _ and their proximity causing that, and not the sun or heat. Should he step back? Surely Caleb didn’t want his friends guessing-

“Gosh, Essek, how many layers are you wearing?” Jester’s face appeared beside Caleb.

He stepped back. “My title and position comes with a certain reputation to uphold.” Essek tugged on his jacket a little. “Plus, well, I like nice clothes.” It felt good to admit such a frivolous but honest thing to them.

“It is nice looking, I like the silver added to it.” Yasha spoke up.

Essek returned her smile easily. The Nein really had a way of endearing you to their friendly manners.

Jester linked her arm with his, in a friendly gesture but helping him steadily forward. “I know in Nicodranas you were totally in disguise, by the way you’re kind of cute as a blond, but did you get the chance to explore at all? There’s some amazing shopping in the city. Me and Caduceus found these outfits for everyone that were so gorgeous and amazing and ah!” She hopped in place, taking Essek with her. “We should totally throw a fancy dinner at TravelerCon too! I want to wear my dress again!”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that. The suit you got me is awesome.” Beau grinned at Jester. “Also, I looked hot.”

“I’m so glad you loved it, Beau. I thought about some options for a long while but when I saw that suit I was like ‘ _ this is it’ _ ! Essek, who do you think looked best that night? I know you were probably distracted, also Veth is totally sorry about the whole paralysis thing-”

“No I’m not.”

“Okay, she isn’t sorry, but I know it was probably inconvenient not being able to move and stuff, but who do you think looked the hottest? I think we all cleaned up super nicely, I mean obviously we all looked hot, but like who did you like the best?”

“Jester-” It came out more embarrassingly strangled than Essek intended. 

She peered into his face. “You’re still so sweaty. Can you take that jacket off too? What are you wearing underneath?”

“I think we’ve probably gone as far as we can tonight.” Fjord talked over Jester’s continuing questions. “Yasha, you want to help me clear some of this?”

“Oh, me too.” Caduceus pulled Caleb forward to take his spot in propping up Essek. “I might be able to ask some of them to move for us. It doesn’t hurt to try the polite way first.”

It took them little time to clear a circle the size of their usual dome. The trees were plentiful, and wrapped with vines and strange flowers, but the damp springiness of the greenery made it easy to push or cut aside. 

“Should we set up a fire inside the dome for some dinner, or set up the dome after dinner?” Jester asked.

“It’s a billion degrees already!” Fjord spluttered. “Why do we need a fire?”

“Camp _ fire _ stories Fjord! How are we supposed to tell scary slumber party stories without a fire?”

“A fire within the dome would trap all the heat in.” Caleb explained. 

“Is there a fake fire you can do?” Beau suggested. “Like an illusion or something?”

“On it!” Veth pulled out the components and a crackling illusory campfire sprung into life in front of them.

“Oh very nice, Veth! Can you make it any color you want?” Jester asked.

“I mean, I already cast it.” She looked thoughtful. “Maybe an alteration to the components and I could…”

Caleb held up his hand and a series of floating balls, each a different bright color, popped into existence around the fire.  _ It was a waste of magic _ , Essek thought.  _ And it was beautiful _ .

There was some discussion over what to make for dinner as Caleb set up the ritual for the dome. It was the first time Essek had seen it in person, and not in tales. It seemed miniscule for such a large party, but granted he was used to being the lone figure in a sprawling tower. All eight of the Nein crammed themselves into the hut, in a loose circle around the fake-fire, excited to finally relax at the end of a tiring day.

Caduceus had taken charge of dinner, and with Jester’s encouragement, had decided to jazz up the usual rations with the edible plants he had picked along their walk.

“Consider this practice for TravelerCon! I mean, obviously we all like what you make, but this could be a good chance to really dazzle the crowd with something crazy and unique!”

That had apparently translated into Caduceus experimenting with a sauce made from what he had foraged, cooked with help of a small flame Caleb had sparked for him, that he then poured over all the food. 

The group had declared it a tasty success. For Essek, it was just  _ different _ . He was never very picky about food; meals were fuel that were necessary breaks in between research and spellwork. But a shared meal around a fire (even an illusory one), and friends happily bumping elbows and knees in the cramped space, was an atmosphere that made the dinner taste warmer than Essek had experienced before.

It was unlike those occasional dinners he suffered through with certain members of the court; the atmosphere of a waterfall or musical soloist was supposed to make the food taste better. In reality, Essek thought they were missing good company to make it pleasant.

It was a dinner of firsts, beside the experimental sauce and island location. Essek had refilled his plate with seconds, ignoring the drilled words in his head that it was  _ unbecoming _ . He felt starved, and Caduceus’s food was indeed delicious. And at Jester’s insistent urging and Beau’s vague threats, Essek had been convinced to abandon any remaining propriety and disrobe his layers down to just his shirt and trousers. It's the least he has ever worn around them. In some twisted way it seemed as it should be; he was diminished, yes, but left standing as a more honest self. Although the joking wolf-whistle from Jester as he unbuttoned his waistcoat had made him wish he wasn’t receiving quite so much attention. ( _ Essek had tried very hard not to look at Caleb as he undid his buttons and shrugged out of his clothes, but found himself utterly failing and locking eyes with Caleb for one electric glance. Some attention he didn’t mind _ ).

The cramped interior gave Essek no escape from his previous line of thoughts, despite his attempt to freeze them. With every bite he had increasingly noticed just how close Caleb was, how easily he could count every small freckle that peppered his face, how their thighs were pressed against each other as they sat, how the dancing lights seemed to add an extra shift of color to his eyes. Caduceus was certainly sitting nearly as close, by necessity they were all knee-knocked together, but it felt different with Caleb. Knowledge and memory were Essek’s enemies, his thoughts eagerly reminding him of aspects of Caleb he had learned before. Knowledge of how soft his lips were, how his mouth tasted like lingering flames, how his fingers felt when they tugged at Essek’s hair-    
He turned his face away, hoping any blush could be presumed as a residual effect of his heat shock. His thoughts were running forward in the way he wished his body could; he just couldn’t keep away from Caleb. 

Essek risked another sideways look towards him. It seemed Caleb too was feeling extra aware of their proximity. The dancing lights cast strange colors, so Essek couldn’t properly determine if there was a flush, but he was familiar with the way Caleb was lightly biting his bottom lip, with the way his eyes flickered towards Essek and back away.   
This was a terrible circumstance, being so publicly displayed, unable to cross those inches towards each other. Caleb had certainly left an impression during their last talk (or lack thereof) on the boat. But neither of them had defined outloud whatever they were becoming, and certainly neither had outlined a plan that involved telling the Nein.   
Essek poured himself another cup of Caduceus’s tea, gulping it down to distract his senses. 

  
  


Caleb didn’t know what came over him. One moment he was discussing with Veth what alchemical components might create fireworks when thrown in lava without damaging too many onlookers ( _ half his mind was focused elsewhere replaying the memory of undoing Essek’s cloak, the slight wide-eyed look he received, the irritation and fondness he felt at Essek’s stubborn cling to pride in the face of a jungle _ ). Then the next moment he couldn’t remember why he had felt so irritated in the first place. Or why he had stepped back, pulling his hand away. It was really all so silly, wasn’t it? All this dancing around each other, the will-they won’t-they seemed such a waste of time. Caleb already had his answer; Essek had returned all his kisses, all his touches, had responded with matching hunger during their moments alone. He couldn’t remember why they had stopped doing that. Something prickled in his mind, some whispered words ‘ _ don’t trust’ _ , but despite his sterling reputation for memory Caleb couldn’t remember why such a thing would bother him. He liked Essek quite a lot. And Essek was conveniently sitting right beside him.

Caleb finished the last few bites of his stew and set the plate down in front of him. He felt  _ great _ . 

  
  


“Oh!” Essek was startled by a warm hand on his thigh, settling much too high to be a simple attempt to get his attention. He held Caleb’s gaze for a feverish moment, his mind oddly clear of any thought but  _ yes please _ , and then Caleb acted just before he could.

He surged forward and kissed any lingering doubts from Essek’s lips. It was messy with open mouths, breaths still faint with dinner. Caleb pulled back, a pause enough to realign for a second kiss. Essek had thought he was thirsty after the long trek in the heat, but maybe  _ this _ is what he had been waiting to satiate him. His free hand immediately reached up towards Caleb, wrapping around the back of his neck, pulling him in closer and deeper. The hand on Essek’s thigh shifted up to his hip, Caleb’s fingers digging in with a pressure that shot sparks up Essek’s spine. He leaned forward, crowding into Caleb’s space, no thought in his mind but  _ what are we waiting for? _ but then-

There was a giggling shriek of laughter and a clattering sound. Caleb pulled back a mere few inches, his breath still tickling across Essek’s lips, and tilted his head towards the sound. 

Jester had her hand over her mouth, but absolute delight danced in her eyes. Veth had dropped her cup. Beau was wide-eyed, but laughing, like she had just won a bet. Yasha was very pointedly looking up towards the ceiling of the dome, feigning fascination. Fjord had the beginnings of a deep green blush across his ears; he looked away from their kiss and accidentally locked eyes with Jester. He quickly looked away again but was met with Caduceus’s grin. He then settled on the same route as Yasha, looking upwards like the dome-filtered sky was incredibly interesting. 

Essek might be wrong, but he could swear Caduceus gave him a wink.

“Oh my gods.” Jester squealed. “What, how, when did this happen?”

“We kind of thought, I mean, we had a pool going-”

“Beau!” Jester playfully hit her shoulder. “Don’t embarrass them! Oh this is so cute, this is like one of the romance novels I’ve read, the whole enemies to lovers thing, and even betrayal couldn’t keep the two lovers apart, but I think eventually one of them got like assassinated or something or-”

“When.” Veth looked a little wild-eyed. ”Did this happen? Caleb, you never said-”

He leaned further back from Essek then, although one hand still held firm on Essek’s waist. “Oh, Veth, I never meant to keep it-”

“Did you forget who he is?” She whispered under her breath, although it was still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Caleb looked back at him and a smile bloomed again. Essek felt his cheeks warm from the full-sun smile he was receiving. It was  _ wonderful _ .

“I like him.” He pulled at Essek’s collar, drawing him closer again. “I like Essek.” There was a dopey tone to his voice that might have rung alarm bells in a normal situation, but Essek was sailing high right there with him. He grinned back, his whole focus on the pretty blue of Caleb’s eyes, the flush of his kiss-bitten lips.

“This is a little too much.” Beau choked out. 

“This is  _ adorable _ .” Jester reached out to grasp Beau’s hand. “Aren’t they so super cute?”

“Oh, uh,” It was Beau’s turn to look a little flustered.

Essek hadn’t even noticed. Caleb had pulled him into a kiss again, gently biting on his bottom lip, a deep kiss that said  _ we have nothing but time _ .

“As glad as I am to, um, see you enjoying yourself,” Fjord was still not looking directly at them. “This is, well, we’re all kind of right here in the hut with you.”

“Oh, are you jealous? Did you wish to join?” The joke jumped out of Essek’s mouth before he could think. Fjord blushed deeper.

“Ooh, gosh, Fjord I didn’t know your face could do that!” Jester giggled. She leaned over towards him and gripped his knee. “If you’re jealous, I’m sure we could easily find you a kissing buddy, I mean, technically you could practice with any one of us right now.”

“ _ Ohmygod. _ ” He breathed out quickly, looking up at the ceiling again. 

“Hmm.” Caduceus was not really paying attention to the suddenly heated atmosphere inside the dome. He was peering into his now-empty dinner pot.

Yasha stood up suddenly. “I think I need some air.”

“Don’t go outside-” Fjord started.

“I’ll join you!” Jester shot up. “I have a really good feeling about a night walk, like it's what the Traveler wants me to do right now I’m sure. There’s probably some really cool night-blooming flowers that we could gather as decorations and-”

Beau held her hand fast. “There’s probably dangerous things out there, it’s the jungle in the middle of the night. Don’t go.” She stood up too. “Or at least take me.”

“Veth, Veth! Chaos Crew night walk!” Jester wiggled her tail in Veth’s direction. “We could sing some sea shanties while we walk to practice for the opening events, or I guess jungle shanties? What do they sing in jungles?”

“Hey now, I don’t think any of us should be wandering anywhere.” Caduceus tapped his staff on the pot, the resounding  _ clang _ striking attention into the Nein. “I think we’re all a little poisoned.”

Fjord’s grip on his own knees, where he had been trying to hold himself stone still, tightened. “Um. Can you repeat that? Please?” He asked in a strained voice.

“Well, poisoned might be a strong word for it, but we’re definitely somewhat not-okay. More so than usual.” He pointed down towards the pot. “I think those mushrooms I foraged weren't the best idea as seasoning.”

Chaos briefly erupted as everyone shouted over one another. Caleb took the opportunity to sneak another kiss from Essek, chasing the tender skin down his jaw to his ear. The angle was not ideal but Essek tried to gain any advantage he could, sliding a hand behind Caleb and under his shirt, rubbing slow circles dipping low across the small of his back.

“Why would you feed us strange plants?!” Beau yelled

“Well how else do you find out what they do? That’s how I’ve always done it.”

“What do you think will happen to us?” Jester’s tail was swishing faster than normal, slapping into both Beau and Fjord beside her.

“I won’t know for sure for another half-hour really, but I can make a pretty educated guess. I think all our inhibitions have been lowered.” 

There was a moment of confused silence. 

“Like when you drink too much?” Beau offered.

“Something like that.” 

“Oh, that totally explains why-” Beau gestured towards Caleb and Essek.

“No, we’ve done this before.” Caleb gave Essek a look that made him wish he could teleport the rest of the Nein out of the dome and leave them to their privacy.

“Still, I think you may be affected worse than some of the others, Caleb.” Caduceus was giving him a gentle look.

His brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Forgive me for pointing it out, but this substance is going to affect the lighter members of our group more than the bulkier ones.”

“Is that why I don’t feel much?” Yasha asked, still looking about as clear eyed as usual.

“And me too.” Caduceus gestured towards his own height. “Although I’m feeling something a little fuzzy around the edges that tells me we may all be feeling pretty weird tomorrow.”

“Being a monk is super helpful right now.” Beau grinned at them all.

“It’s not really a poison, Beau. You would still be affected.”

Her stance grew tense. “Nope. I’m totally fine, don’t feel weird in the slightest.”

“You’re not experiencing unusual thoughts or impulses? Hmm, I guess I could be wrong, this is a new mushroom species after all…”

Beau’s eyes were focused straight ahead, like she was trying to avoid looking at a certain someone in the group, but her face was showing telltale signs of a blush.

“ _ Ja _ , totally normal, your face is always that pink.”

“Oh shut up you skinny ass wizard, you’re  _ extra _ affected.”

“Excuse me,” Essek stood up with a glare. “I happen to like this skinny ass wizard.”

Beau jumped to her feet as well, looking excited for a fight.

“Hey, maybe we should all just sit back down-” Fjord looked between the two of them.

“Oh  _ no _ ,” Jester interrupted. “Is this like being drunk? Oh gosh! I hate this, I never drink, I’ve seen what happens to people when  _ -ahh, _ Caduceus!- Please tell me you can fix this! Would a restoration work?”

Jester never got her answer as a flashbang erupted inside the hut, rendering conversation useless. The smoke cleared to show Veth standing beside the now glaringly magenta fire, a huge grin on her face.

“Got it to work! Now I just need to try it on some lava. Anyone still up for that night walk?”

“Nope, nope, nope. Everyone is staying  _ inside _ for the rest of the night. I am not against tying people up if we have to.” Fjord looked beseechingly at Yasha. “Can you help me out?”

“Oh,” She looked warily around. “I’m not sure if I... do we really need to?”

“Not if everyone can behave.” He put his hands on his hips, glaring at them with the no-nonsense look of a school teacher. Beau told him this, to everyone’s giggling agreement.

“We’ll be fine.” Caleb sighed. “Now that we are all aware of the issue, I am sure we are perfectly capable of handling ourselves accordingly.”

Beau narrowed her eyes at where Caleb and Essek were still holding hands. “Do you think we should talk about sleeping arrangements? Not to rain on your parade or anything, but I don’t think any of us want to overhear, uh, anything happening in the hut. Maybe you two should split up.”

“Okay then Beau, who should we split you up from, so that you’re not tempted in the night?”

Her face grew red, a mix of embarrassment and anger. “Hey, that’s not-”

“It should wear off in a few hours,” Caduceus interrupted, leaning in to block the sightline between Beau and Caleb’s glares. “We should all feel a bit calmer in the morning.”

“I’ll take the first watch outside. Yasha, can you watch inside? I think we’ll need eyes in and out tonight.” Fjord looked warily between Beau and Caleb.

“I’m cool, I’m cool.” She looked decidedly _not cool_ but she still plopped down on the ground and crossed her legs, letting her eyes fall closed. “I’m going to meditate, because I’m a _monk_ and _in_ _control_ of my feelings.”

Jester sat as well, hands pressing on her cheeks, looking like she was trying to cool herself down. “Oh, I’ll join. I don’t think I can fall asleep just yet.”

Veth was still fiddling with the components in her bag and glaring in Essek’s direction. “I’ll join you too, Beau. I have some thoughts I’d like to  _ banish _ .”

“I have a conversation I want to finish up with Fjord, but I can be your second watch Yasha.” Caduceus said.

Caleb patted the ground beside him and Essek sat down to join him. The atmosphere inside the dome had shifted from friction to a cold discomfort. Essek tried to focus, to pull apart the irrational from the rational, to sift out his worst impulses. But it was difficult as Caleb leaned against him, his chin resting on Essek’s shoulder. His thoughts kept saying  _ yes, yes, yes _ .

“Are you tired?” Caleb whispered, already leaning so close to Essek’s ear. He was sure no one else could hear him. “I have some ideas if you’re not.”

His words were soft but they struck against Essek like lightning. “Your friends are right here.” There was no real argument in Essek’s tone, but he needed to voice the one reasonable thought he still had.

“Their eyes are closed.” 

“I have a silence spell.” The words tumbled from Essek’s mouth before he could take them back. But really, it sounded like a  _ wonderful _ idea now that he suggested it.

Caleb’s lips traced their way down Essek’s neck, settling in at his pulse point. “Are you still able to?”

“ _ Mmm _ , I can try.” He was grasping at any of his surviving sanity, but the problem was that he had already wanted Caleb, already wanted  _ this _ even before any strange mushrooms came his way. It was every familiar touch he had been craving, every bit of Caleb he had resigned himself to being lost forever in the aftermath of his betrayal. How could he say no to what was being offered?

Essek leaned back and Caleb’s lips drifted off his neck. They didn’t stay empty for long as Essek ran his fingers through Caleb’s hair ( _ lit like spun gold against his hand by the firelight) _ and pulled him forward, their lips meeting in the middle. It wasn’t like their first, or even their most recent; it felt like starting something  _ new _ . He kissed Caleb like every kiss they shared before had never been enough, that  _ this _ was the one that would really show him the true depths of everything he was feeling. 

Caleb’s hands were back to his waist, encircling him, fingers lifting the edge of Essek’s shirt to trail along his skin.  _ It was a blessing in disguise _ , Essek pondered as he gasped at the touch, for taking off his layers had made this so much easier. He wondered something else as he rotated in Caleb’s grasp until he was straddled atop Caleb’s thighs. How would Caleb look pushed down against the ground, or upon a bed? Does that flush continue across Caleb’s chest, or even lower? What would his face look like when he moaned Essek’s name, unable to say anything else? He wanted to find out.

Essek settled his weight down on Caleb’s lap, torn between wanting to lean in for another kiss or to watch Caleb’s expression as he let his hands pursue their answer. He could see the same thoughts were crossing Caleb’s own mind, from the eager look in his eyes and the way his hands ran tantalizingly up Essek’s thighs. 

Essek settled for halfway, leaning in enough to whisper. “I don’t think I said it yet.”

Caleb’s hands settled on his ass. “There are a great many things to say.”

Essek laughed, his breath warm across Caleb’s neck. “I like you, Caleb Widogast. But I’m sure you must already know.”

“To assume and to know are different.” He turned Essek’s face towards his own, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Say it again.”

“I like you.” Essek repeated, alternating each confessed word with a kiss. “I like you Caleb.” If this was his reward for honesty, he didn’t know what had been holding him back before.

Caleb’s hands pushed Essek flush against his lap, their kisses growing from spark to flame.

“Um.” It was a voice that wasn’t Caleb’s. Essek ignored it.

“You guys, uh.” They both kept going.

“Hey wizards!” Beau shouted across the dome, her voice a firework that shocked them to attention. “We can all hear your moaning over here!” Beau was clearly not meditating anymore. She glanced towards Yasha. “See, you just needed to raise your voice a bit so they could hear you over their horniness.”

“Oh. Well,” Yasha looked back at Caleb. “They looked happy, I didn’t want to interrupt unless they went, um, farther.”

“You have good instincts Yasha,” Jester looked up from her sketchbook. “This scene will make such a good romance novel.”

“You were taking notes!?” Veth turned around from where she had been resolutely facing away.

Essek rolled off of Caleb, feeling like his face might explode from embarrassment, but also feeling terribly frustrated at being interrupted  _ again _ .

Beau’s expression softened. “You guys, you’re not feeling entirely like yourselves. None of us are. We all need to cool down and not do anything we might regret when we're back to normal.”

“I don’t-” Essek choked down the rest of his words. She was maddeningly right, under normal circumstances he would never be so  _ brazen _ , to let himself go so far, not here, now when-

He leapt to his feet. “I’ll take the next watch. Outside.” 

Caleb looked up at him, his expression hard to read as he turned away from the firelight. “ _ Essek _ .” 

He stepped outside the dome without looking back, knowing Caleb couldn’t follow.

Essek smacked right into Caduceus as he exited in a hurry.

“Oh hey there.” Caduceus smiled at him. 

“Is there trouble?” Fjord asked, noting Essek’s expression.

“No, no.” He looked between them. “I hope I am not interrupting your conversation. If you’d like, I am here to relieve you of your watch.”

Fjord eyed him. “I’m not sure if you should be out here by yourself.”

“I’ll go inside, Fjord. I could use the rest. I’ll send someone else out in a little while.”

“Goodnight, Caduceus.” 

He gave them both a nod and entered the dome, leaving Essek and Fjord awkwardly standing beside each other. Essek couldn’t remember the last time he had a full conversation with Fjord, and he certainly had never been alone with him. But the heavy silence suited him; he really did not want to talk right now.

Essek stared ahead, the dark of the jungle no issue for his eyes, and he decided to count each leaf on the trees that he could see. It was a better use of his time than miserably wondering what was happening inside the dome, what conversations may be being held. Now outside of that embrace, those addicting kisses, he knew he had been a fool. There had been a wall in place for a reason. 

There would be fallout in the morning, he knew. Essek could only hope there would not be too many regrets.

“So, um.” Fjord interrupted the silence, although he left his voice quiet enough that Essek could pretend he didn’t hear it if he wanted.

“Yes, Fjord?” He was tired of counting leaves.

“You and Caleb, huh.” He paused.

“Yes." Fjord keep looking at him. "Did you have a question?”

“Not really.” He gave Essek a long gaze. “Actually, just one.”

Essek inclined his head to indicate permission. 

“If we hadn’t discovered what you were up to, would you have ever told us?”

Fjord, the swordsman that he was, knew exactly where to cut true. Essek looked back towards the trees, trying to find the right words. “It is hard to pursue answers about the paths we didn’t take.”

“C’mon Essek, don’t answer like a politician.”

“I’m not sure.” He gave Fjord a sad smile, not liking how he knew his words would sound. “At the time, I would have avoided it until it seemed absolutely necessary. And even then, it would have felt…irresponsible. I did not want you all involved. But…”

“But?”

“The thought did cross my mind. Still, I didn’t act on it.”

“That counts for something. Plus, you’re clearly trying something different now.”

Essek was taken aback. He hadn’t expected this level of acceptance from Fjord.

“Don’t get me wrong, you still have a hell of a lot of work ahead of you, but I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t let someone else have the space to learn and change.”

“Thank you.” 

The silence returned, but Essek didn’t look at the leaves again. His mind kept rolling over Fjord’s words. He didn’t deserve it, but Essek thought he could begin to accept it.

There was a shuffling sound beside him as someone new exited the dome.

“Oh, you’re still here?” Veth looked past him and faced Fjord. “Hey, Cad said it’s my turn now.”

“Great, I’m exhausted.” He gave Veth a pat on the shoulder as he went back inside. “Go easy on him.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Veth crossed her arms, adamantly not looking at Essek. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

Essek didn’t know what to say, any words felt like a landmine. “We don’t have to.”

“You’re too good at talking, that’s the whole point.” She still wasn’t facing him. “You’re a liar. No one should trust anything you say.”

He bit his lip. Essek didn’t know whether he should let Veth release whatever rant she was holding back, or if she actually wanted a conversation. 

“Why are you like this?!” She turned on him now, her gaze shooting daggers and a hint of the old goblin in the way she bared her teeth. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” He could only be honest.

“Ugh, nevermind. I don’t know why Cad sent me out here, I don’t want to talk to you.” She turned to leave.

“Veth, wait.” Essek couldn’t pull her back, she’d hate him more if he stopped her by force, but he still hoped... “I know it doesn't count for much, but I am truly sorry your husband became involved.”

She hesitated. Her back was still to him.

“I did not know that was happening-”

She whirled around. “That doesn't excuse you-!”

“You are correct. I did not know what was happening because I chose not to ask. I cared for the research, the results, but not for the methods. Having interacted with my contacts within the Assembly I could easily make an educated guess for how they believed research should be conducted, but I cared not as long as the results continued. And that is my fault, for choosing ignorance. I now know I made the wrong decision, but that doesn’t alter the fact that I was still wrong.”

She crossed her arms. “At least you’re honest about that.”

“I cannot change what I did. I can only apologize now. And I  _ am _ trying. Really trying to do better.” He held her eye contact for as long as he could, until the ferocity of her gaze made him glance back towards the trees.

He let the pause wash over him, the darkness the only familiarity on this island. The Dynasty, despite their worship of a strange god whose very name means  _ light _ , always favored the darkness. Where war traveled, a perpetual night would follow, shading out the sun and creating the myths that gave Empire children their nightmares. This was the legacy he had tried to leave, only to become the worst of them.

His mind slid backwards into a memory, the echo of Caleb’s words in the air. “ _ Maybe you and I are both damned…. _ ”

“I hate that Caleb didn’t tell me about you and him. He tells me everything.” The sharpness had evaporated from her words, leaving the solidified  _ hurt _ . 

Essek paused, a trail of a thought rising up to him, a memory from weeks and weeks ago. “I fear I may have to apologize for that as well. I may have implied that we should keep this relationship secret. But…” And he wasn't trying to defend himself, but he needed her to not misunderstand. “Caleb and I… neither of us are good at talking about  _ feelings _ .” 

Veth snorted at that, and Essek thought she probably agreed.

“And so we never laid any ground rules or definitions for what we were doing, what we are. I’m still not sure.” He looked back into the trees, chasing that ghost memory of Caleb again. “I know tonight may seem sudden to the rest of you-”

“That’s an understatement.”

“But for us, I think we had been ignoring things for too long. Those mushrooms were... an ill-timed push, but I don’t regret that you all know now. You are his friends, and mine once, and I believe it is better to be open about these things.”

Her glare softened a little, then she caught herself and tightened it back up. “I'm still mad.”

“I'm not telling you not to be. And if it matters at all, I do really like him.”

Her gaze wavered again. “Sadly, that’s obvious.” 

Essek let out a huff of surprised laughter.

“For a shadowhand spy whatever, you’re pretty terrible at hiding that stuff. Your whole face gets all goopy when you look at Caleb. I thought it was some sort of vitamin deficiency, although I did throw some gold into Beau’s pool, but I guess you do...care about him.”

“I think we share that in common.”

She looked slightly offended, then uncrossed her arms to put them on her hips. “Yeah, I do. A lot. Definitely more than you do. And if you hurt him-” She jabbed a finger at him “-I will kill you and be super happy to do it.”

“I believe you.”

“Promise. Promise you wont hurt him. Be honest.”

“I know what you want me to say, and I can't promise that.”

She threw her arms in the air. “What the  _ fuck _ Essek? What’s the point if you can’t even do that-”

“I don't want to promise something I cannot be sure to keep. The future is too unknown, and sometimes we don’t see the extent of our choices until after they are made. But I can promise, sincerely, I will never hurt him on purpose. He is weighed into all my choices now, as are you all, and I do not take that lightly.”

There was another long pause and Veth let out a strangled sigh. “You’re a real good talker, you know that right? Fucking saying all the right things.” She shot him a grumpy look. “You may have won Caleb back-”

“I'm not sure if I fully have.”

“Well, whatever it is. And Jester is fully onboard the redemption-and-romance story, so she’s on your side. But it’ll be harder with me, and I'm the opinion Caleb cares most about. I'm his best friend.”

Essek smiled. “I will keep trying then.”

She was right, of course, Essek knew he would never be the most important person in Caleb's life. The whole of the Nein would always be placed before him. Frumpkin too, surely. Warm kisses and sweet words were nothing Essek could ever take for granted, and that’s why they felt so much more precious.

This was a road he had to earn, but he knew he was lucky to have found friends to guide him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I post this on a Thursday on purpose? You bet I did :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and joining Essek on his journey so far! And thank you for every kudos and comment <3
> 
> The third chapter needs a little more time to finish. Thank you for your patience :)


	3. A Mystery Rewound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: references to fire, feelings/emotions related to PTSD

The hut would dissipate in eight minutes.

Caleb knew this the same way he always knew where north lay, when the sun would rise, and that his given name was not Caleb.    
He had awoken before the rest of the Nein, although he could only assume by their quiet breathing and not  _ know _ . Someone else could be awake like him, pretending to still be asleep like him. Caleb was awake and comfortable, but for uncomfortable reasons. Essek was asleep beside him, Caleb’s arm draped much-too-snugly across his chest. For a slow blinking moment as sleep left and the dawn greeted him, Caleb had thought it was the old days again when Nott or Frumpkin (or both of them when it was particularly cold) would curl up for warmth beside him and Caleb would hold them close to his chest, thinking of nothing but survival. Caleb’s chest was against Essek’s back, and in just one small head tilt Caleb could press his lips to Essek’s neck. He was so close, so warm, and Caleb was not thinking about survival right now.

The hut would disappear in seven minutes. Caleb could not stay a moment longer.

He lifted his arm as slowly as his strength would allow him, hovering centimeter by centimeter until he pulled his arm entirely off Essek’s chest. With the same patience, he rolled to his back, separating their bodies and trying not to miss the warmth. 

The hut would be gone in six minutes. Caleb knew this. What Caleb did not know, not for sure, was whether Essek’s low whisper of “ _ Caleb. _ ” had been sighed within a dream or was a reaction to Caleb pulling back.

He still had five minutes. An agonizing amount of time for his mind to think and replay and analyze. He stared out the ceiling at the green leafy sky beyond, hoping for a distraction from his thoughts, but found none.

Caleb knew he was many things, but he could not count being a good cook amongst them. He was adequate, in the way one learns that a squirrel needs fire but some fish are alright raw. That things scavenged from behind a shop could be moldy or rock hard, but any food tastes good when you’re starved (and maybe next time, scrape a little more of the white dust off). He could have been better, his mother certainly was a good cook and his father loved joining her in the kitchen on weekends. He remembers Sundays and the smell of baking bread in the same way he remembers reading children’s fairy tales tucked in on his mother’s lap. They hadn’t done much cooking at the Academy; meals were perfunctory and blandly provided, all the students at long tables with the same food in front of them. There were some private meals at Ikithon’s; he tried to forget those.    
Caleb knew he would never be a great cook, but he did know enough to never let a pan of oil overheat too much; to never try to take a skillet from the fire with bare hands. And this  _ situation  _ \--this unwatched, unkept, overflowing pot of a bad situation he had trapped himself in-- had boiled too much to stuff the lid back on.   
There was still some rosy fluff softening his edges; the memories tingled across his lips making him wish he had followed Essek out last night, had chased those touches again, and then kept running to leave reason and judgement behind. Or that perhaps he should have tucked Essek more firmly against his chest this morning, pressed those kisses against his hair and neck like he was so tempted.   
The other part of him was forcing the more rational memories forward. They should  _ not _ be engaging like this. Definitely not kissing like there were no worries and no past baggage. Absolutely should  _ not _ be kissing in front of the whole Nein. His friends - _ scheisse- _ what do they think of him now? Child of the Empire, and the traitor to the Dynasty, all wrapped up in tangled heat in front of them?

There were four minutes to go.

Caleb thought he had learned proper control of himself, but when presented with a feast he had jumped in like a famished man. His most impulsive self had been more emotional, more touch-starved, and more audacious than he had realized. It was an ugly mirror to confront.

Essek left him alone and Caleb had almost ran after him, but reason had barely won out. He couldn’t leave the hut without exposing his friends. He had glowered into the magenta flames of the illusion, seeing a reflection of his own drugged mind. Everything seemed heightened and too-bright, and his emotions felt incandescent. Anger, embarrassment, jubilation, and horrible yearning crashed inside him, a discordant beat that was making it hard to steady his breathing. 

His friends had offered help, but he fucked that up too, pushing them sharply away.

Jester had tried to joke with him; he shut her down. Caduceus tried to reassure him; he denied it. Beau had tried to smack figurative and literal sense into him, and he had snapped at her, wanting to be left alone as much as he could inside the small dome. Reason told him to isolate the problem in order to solve it, and the problem was  _ him _ ; he had lost control. He couldn’t think two steps ahead anymore, he didn’t know what words or secrets might spill from his mouth, couldn’t stop that itch that tremmored up his limbs to just  _ run _ , to get  _ out _ before it got worse. But he was stuck inside his own creation.

He had pretended to sleep, turning his back towards his friends and their continued conversation. He curved further into himself, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to slow his ragged breaths. He had shown them all that he was still the terrible person he had always been.

Now it was morning. There were three minutes, then two minutes left. Caleb started counting the seconds instead. 

He sat up at forty-five seconds left. Stood at ten. And was out of the dome right as it dissolved, heading to a point he already predetermined was close enough to still be seen, and far away enough to finally  _ breathe _ . That itch to leave it all behind was still whispering at the back of his mind, but it made a much less persuasive argument now that the sun was up and his mind clear again. Leaning against a tree older than himself, watching the sun rays push through the heavy canopy, listening to the birds wake and sing good morning. He could not hear the gentle snores and whistles of his friends at this distance. He was alone again.

Caleb knew precisely how long he had been standing there, but he chose not to remember the number. It was an infinity to spend in his own spiral, but in reality it wasn’t very long at all. 

After some minutes, a figure leaned against the tree and blocked his view. Beau stood before him, forcing Caleb to look at something other than the distant trees. 

She didn’t speak, just looked at him with one raised eyebrow. He assumed it was judgement. “It seems you drew the short stick.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, I volunteered because I thought I could talk some sense into you. You need to stop with the pity party.” He looked startled and she barrelled forward. “You’re not some special case Caleb, we were all stupid last night. While you were pretending to sleep and being gloomy, Jester tried to give Fjord a tattoo and almost successfully pinned him down ‘cause she's stronger. I challenged basically everyone to a fight and Cad almost took me up on it. I did lose an arm wrestle to Yasha, though I didn’t really mind that too much. Oh, and Veth tried to kiss Fjord-”   
“What?” That caught his full attention.   
“She was fucking with him, but really it was hilarious, she had to climb up on Jester’s shoulders to reach him and-”   
“Why are you telling me this?”

“You're regressing, Caleb.” Beau glared at him, but there was a bit of softness to her voice. “Don’t be the man we first met, all cagey and angsty. We all know each other better than that now, so it’s dumb of you to try and pretend you’re a loner now. We’re the Mighty Nein, and we’re better than just one night of bad decisions.”

He sighed. “Sure.”

“I am going to hug you.”

“Wait, why, no-”

“I’m going to hug you and you cannot stop me, and I will keep hugging you until you  _ believe _ it.” Her arms were around him before he could react, her monk skills faster than his brain. “You’re better than just one bad night. We all are.”    
It was awkward, as it always was, but Caleb leaned into the hug anyways, letting his chin drop to her shoulder. “I’m being an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I believe I owe our friends some explanations and to make amends.”

“No, you-” She pulled back. “Did you hear anything I said? You don’t need to, that’s the whole point. We’re your friends, you don’t need to keep apologizing for shit when we all-”

Caleb was already walking back to the circle of people around the now-extinguished fire. As he got closer, he took in everyone’s expressions. Big smiles from some, awkward little ones from others, and Essek was looking down into his cup of tea with determination. 

“Good morning, Caleb.” Caduceus greeted him by placing a cup of tea into his hand. “Feel a little better this morning?”

“First, I sincerely want to apologize for-” He started to address the group.

“Beau!” Jester put her hands on her hips. “Did you-”

“I tried! I told him it was stupid.”

“Did you hug him?” Veth interjected.

“I did, it was awkward. Caleb, you really need to learn what to do with your arms in a hug.” Beau directed to him.

Caduceus pushed the tea cup in Caleb’s hand. “Drink, it’ll help.” Caleb eyed him warily until Caduceus replied. “It’s just strong tea, you look like you need the caffeine.”

“You seem confused.” Fjord started.

“Because I am confused.” Caleb replied.

“We kind of collectively decided that last night was a weird outlier and we’re all just going to try and move on from it.” Fjord explained.

“We weren’t trying to leave you out-” Jester jumped in. “I mean, obviously we didn’t want to have any group discussions without you, but you basically ran from the hut this morning and we kinda thought it’d be better to let you have your  _ moment _ or whatever you were doing, and then talk to when you came back.”

“You were taking so long though, so I said I’d go fetch you, or drag you back if you didn’t want to come.” Beau smiled at him.

“You weren’t thinking of leaving or something, right Caleb?” Jester asked.

“No, no.” Caleb responded quickly, and saw a tiny sigh of relief in Jester’s exhale. 

“Good.” Beau crossed her arms. “You told me once that ‘ _ nobody goes _ ’. I’m holding you to that.”

“I wasn’t going to leave, I won’t do that. I was just-” Caleb _ knew _ he was spiraling a little, but he still felt overwhelmingly so- “I’m ashamed. Last night, in front of you all…I never thought I’d act so…”

“Horny?” Beau supplied and Jester giggled.

Caleb looked upwards towards the sky, wondering if it would be a waste to cast polymorph so early in the day.

“Guys, c’mon.” Fjord spoke up.

“Okay, fine, fine. But Caleb,” He looked back down to Jester. “You don’t need to like, hide in front of us, or pretend you don’t have feelings or sexy thoughts sometimes or whatever. We’re already your friends, and we’ve all been through so many adventures and bad things and good things together! It’ll take more than you smooshing with Essek to make us think you’re weird or whatever.”

“I mean, you’re already a little weird, which is fine because we all are.” Veth shrugged. “Now we know you also have bad taste in men.”

Caleb could feel a wild sort of chuckle threatening in his throat. He was not expecting this sort of response, but really, he didn’t know what he was expecting. He could never assume anything with the Nein.

“I dunno,” Jester gave Essek a slow once-over, which made the drow stare with more determination into his cup. “Caleb could definitely do worse, like Essek has a pretty face, and he’s super cool when he moves furniture with his mind, and he’s probably like the third best-dressed in the group.”

“Wait, hold up, if you’re first then who’s second?” Beau asked. 

“It’s like what Jester said yesterday,” Fjord raised his voice over the spirited debate that erupted. “What happens on the island stays on the island. We don’t need to mention last night again.”

“And if we do want to bring it up?” Essek spoke for the first time that Caleb heard that morning. He was still carefully avoiding Caleb’s gaze, and it seemed he was waiting for some other shoe to drop.

“Oh, well, I guess that’s okay.” Fjord glanced between the two wizards, seeing the tension in the way the pair of them were carefully not making eye contact. “But maybe at dinner or when we take a break? I think that’s a conversation that shouldn’t happen while we’re wandering distractedly around.”

“It would be fine, to talk.” Caleb replied to the air in general, but kept his eyes on Essek. He met Caleb’s gaze finally after a long moment, and there was a small hopeful smile there. Caleb felt like an idiot all over again. Essek had probably been feeling all the same emotions of shame and confusion, if not twice as worse since he was still the off-kilter piece in the friendship puzzle that was the Nein. He didn’t have their loudly declared support. This whole time Caleb was worried his friends would think less of him, which was now an unproven fear that had hidden the real root of the problem. Caleb had been worried about his  _ own _ feelings on the matter; he liked Essek for who he was and despite what he’d done. And he wasn’t sure what that reflected about himself. He had been trying to lock his emotions away, thinking it would be perilous for them both to admit anything aloud, that nothing good could come from it. But it struck him in that moment, now that the night’s haze had cleared and he laid his fears temporarily to the side. He still liked Essek in the morning, and he was certain he’d still like Essek tomorrow. He couldn’t foretell what he’d feel months from now, but in the moment this felt  _ good _ . He could like Essek privately and publicly, and it would be okay.

Caleb crossed over to sit next to Essek. “And you, do you feel better this morning?”

Essek took a moment to read his expression, and his smile bloomed a little brighter, finding what he sought in Caleb’s eyes. “Yes, although I fear I don’t feel quite as apologetic for last night as you seem to be.”

“I was embarrassed, yes, but I don’t have regrets.” Caleb wanted to take Essek’s hand. He still felt the weight of his friends’ eyes and second guessed himself. He settled his palms on the warm cup of tea instead.

“I can say with certainty, that neither do I.” Essek replied without hesitation.

Caleb looked up into Essek’s smile, and mirrored it immediately. He felt like another plank had been added to the bridge of understanding between them. 

He didn’t know how long they were simply staring at each other until- 

“Uh, glad you two got that cleared up.” Beau interrupted. “Now we need to borrow focused-Caleb and not gushy-Caleb for a moment here. I assume you know which way to the volcano? Can you point us that direction?”

Caleb looked up, slightly startled to see their encampment completely packed up and everyone standing and looking ready to go. “ _ Ja _ , of course.” He pointed into the trees that led further inland. “The straightest route to the volcano is that way.”

“Whoo, lets go!” Jester pumped a fist into the air and started skipping ahead. “TravelerCon day two!”

“Are you counting this as part of TravelerCon?” Veth caught up to her.

“Of course! It’s like a super special early preview, we get to see the sights ahead of anyone else on our way up! I’m sure the Traveler is at the volcano, it’s like the throne of the island, right? And I did totally prepare all the rituals for today in case I need to talk to him directly. I’m sure he’s busy or whatever, but I really need to know what's going on! I can’t plan this convention until I know some basic details.”

“And we all need to know what else is on this island.” Veth glanced around. “Those fuckin’ ants.”

“I could do without ants for a decade.” Beau grumbled. “It took forever to wash that goo out of my bracers.”

The group kept up their idle chatter to pass the time. Caleb hung back, wanting to walk alongside Essek but also trying to give him space. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded at either.

“I’ll be fine. It seems cooler today, and I have rested, so I don’t think there is significant risk I’ll pass out.” Essek spoke as Caleb glanced his way again.

“I was not thinking of that.” And he was honest. Caleb was thinking of other things. “Last night-”

“I think we should follow Fjord’s advice.” Essek interrupted.

Caleb furrowed his brow. “If that is what you want.” He felt out of step, almost tripping as he followed his friends forward.

“No, I-” Essek inhaled sharply. “We shouldn’t talk about it  _ now _ . I don’t think I could handle the...distraction. In case we stumble upon more dangers ahead.”

_ Oh _ . Caleb understood now, and seeing the slight flush across Essek’s cheeks confirmed his assumption. “Yes, of course. Although,” He ran a quick mental list; there were more pros than cons at the moment. He reached out and took Essek’s hand. “There are some positives now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak.”

Essek looked down at their interlaced hands, like he was observing some new spectacular spellwork. “This is nice.” He said simply, seemingly a little lost for words. “Although, if I need to use magic-”

“I’ll let go. But for now,  _ ja _ , this is nice.” Caleb smiled, trying to let the present moment happen without thoughts of the past or future. 

They walked like that, hand in hand, for a dozen more minutes until the chatter of his friends quieted suddenly. Caduceus pointed his staff ahead of him.

“What is it?” Fjord asked.

Caduceus squinted into the trees ahead of the group, the green and brown looking the exact same as the green and brown to their left and right. “I’m not sure, but there’s something not-plant ahead of us.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jester piped up. “Like other people? TravelerCon people? Or more of those nasty ant things? Should I ask the Traveler, I’m sure he’ll respond today, he’s never gone so long without replying to me so he’s gotta check in with me sometime today, especially with the convention happening so soon-”

“Caleb,” Beau called over her shoulder. “Time for a cat, I think?”

He let go of Essek’s hand, but not in a hurried way, not minding if his friends had seen. One snap and incantation later and his orange cat was back again, but now as a brightly plumed island bird. He soared up above the treetops and Caleb’s eyes went blankly blue.

“Tall trees,” Caleb started to narrate. “Volcano still a half-day’s travel ahead, I will send Frumpkin closer down into the trees.”

“You know,” Veth turned to Essek. “Lebbie can’t hear us when he’s like this.”

Essek glanced at Caleb who was reciting everything he was seeing through Frumpkin’s eyes. “I assumed as much.” Essek looked back to Veth, who was still staring at him. They had reached a tentative impasse last night, but he wasn’t sure if the morning had brought any new clarity or changes to her mind.

“So, what now?” Veth crossed her arms.

He knew their trust was fragile at best, so he practiced honesty. “I’m unsure as to what you mean.”

“C’mon, we don’t have all day. One thing about being stuck on this island is we’re going to be together, like all the time. Caleb would get suspicious if I tried to talk to you alone. And I want to know your  _ intentions _ .”

It wasn’t just Veth waiting for an answer now, most of the group was looking towards Essek with feigned disinterest or protective glares. 

“Are you two boyfriends now? Were you together before you confessed all the bad stuff you did? Oh my gosh, have you two been secretly dating this whole time?” Jester expanded on Veth’s question, much to Essek’s growing embarrassment. “Were your magic lessons actually just secret hook-ups? I’m not judging or whatever, sex is fun, and I could totally be assuming here, but Caleb doesn’t seem like the  _ casual hook-up _ type of guy. And he’s part of our family, part of the Nein, so if you hurt him you hurt all of us. Unless it's like consensual hurting, I don’t know what you two are into-”

“No,” He quickly cut her off. Essek resisted the urge to reach up and fan his overheated cheeks. “This is fairly new. Last night aside, we were - _ are _ \- taking things...slow.” Essek wasn’t sure if that qualified as a lie or not; they had been secretly doing something, not really within the definition of dating, but  _ something _ for a couple months now. But what were months to a drow? A very short amount of time indeed, so yes, this was still new. 

“Oh! Okay, well that’s good, I guess?” She looked to Veth who was still eyeing Essek.

“Hmm. That’s fine for  _ now. _ ” Veth didn’t look quite satisfied with his answer. 

“...and more trees and more trees and hmm.” Caleb paused and that caught the attention of his friends. “There’s something webbed across some of these treetops, it does not seem to be vines. Frumpkin will fly closer.”

Veth gave Essek a ‘ _ I’m watching you’ _ look and turned to listen to Caleb.

“Spiderwebs, most definitely. Strung across a great number of trees in this direction. A nest, perhaps. It seems to expand over a great portion of this area.”

“Ah,” Caduceus smiled. “I knew there were some not-tree things moving around up ahead.”

“Frumpkin is returning to us.” Caleb blinked a few times and his normal blue returned to his eyes. “You have good perception, Caduceus. There’s a great number of spiders ahead if we continue in this direction.”

“Aww, yes,” Fjord reached up to high-five Caduceus, who took a moment to recognize and return the gesture. “We’re avoiding some spiders today! Good eye, Caduceus.”

“We can go westward for a while, avoid the nest, and then redirect back to the volcano.” Caleb explained. “There does seem to be the appearance of a lot of strange bugs on this island.” He eyed Jester.

“You want me to call up the Traveler right now?” She looked around at them all. “I can do it, I have everything prepared today, but if I do it right now it’ll take some time and then what if I need to talk to him later on tonight? Or like, gosh, what if I need to heal someone and I don’t have spells left-”

“It’s fine,” Fjord interrupted her trail of spoken thought. “Let’s just avoid the spiders. Please.”

“Spiders aren’t too bad.” Yasha said. “They’re good protein.”

“A Xhorhasian delicacy, in some circles.” Essek spoke up.

Yasha looked briefly surprised, but then smiled at him.

“And we’ve fought worse.” Beau laughed. “Remember when-”

Their conversation picked up pace again, the group happy to exchange additional time onto their journey for the path that avoids unnecessary arachnids.

Fjord patted Caleb’s shoulder in thanks, and caught up with Caduceus, striking up a conversation about the Wildmother’s opinions on volcanoes as they walked.

It was indeed a cooler day, the breeze through the trees providing a much welcome respite against the continued heat of the sun. Caleb had long abandoned his layers without second thought; as much as he enjoyed the look of his Xhorasian garments and the visual reminder of how far he had already journeyed, clothes were just necessary things for survival in the end. However, he could still sense Essek’s discomfort in the way he tugged at his own sleeves and fiddled with his shirt buttons. He was unused to his lack of layers, wearing what to him probably seemed like underthings. Caleb privately enjoyed the sight and as last night certainly proved, the ease of access. Essek seemed slighter, yes, without his extravagantly large mantle and extra added inches when floating off the ground, but he was no less striking of a profile like this. The blouse of his shirt as it was tucked into his trousers just emphasized right where Caleb wanted to wrap his hands around his waist. The undone collar at his neck revealed inches more of skin that Caleb wanted to press his mouth along. He understood, intimately, what Essek had meant by  _ distracted _ , as he was certainly feeling it now. They didn’t need to talk about last night; the memories already replayed in his head.

“You said a half-day’s walk, right Caleb?” Fjord interrupted his thoughts.

“Hmm? Yes, towards the volcano. Although the mountain range edges are a little closer. The volcano sits in the middle.”

“That’s not too long! We can totally get there today and then maybe we can have dinner with the Traveler and he can totally fill me in on what’s going on.”

“What if he’s not there Jester?” Veth asked.

“Then it’s back to being detectives! He said so himself, I’m his best and favorite follower, and he’d never abandon me, so if he isn't at the volcano, then something or maybe someone is preventing him from being here.”

“You think another god would try to stop him?” Veth cast a look towards Fjord and Caduceus. “Like they took a secret hit out on him?”

Jester gasped far too dramatically. “No no no, don’t even say those things out loud! No way, that would never happen. He isn’t doing anything wrong, it’s not like he asked for lots of people to follow him and worship him, remember he totally wasn’t planning on getting so popular!”

“True, true. Although a murder mystery would be really fun. We haven’t done one of those lately.”

“I don’t think we should be hoping for a murder, Veth.” Fjord looked alarmed.

“But it’s fun to solve!” She grinned at him. “Any amateur can solve a stolen treasure case, but a murder is way more complicated. Was it the Wildmother who pushed him into the volcano? Or did he trip? Or did he trip because someone stuck a banana peel under him or something?”

“Ooh, that’s good.” Jester rummaged in her bag to get her sketchbook. “I feel like I should start writing these theories down. Maybe the dragon turtle came back and swallowed up the Traveler! And that’s why he can’t answer me right now, because he can’t talk inside the stomach.”

“It’s more likely he’s just bailing on the party planning and hoping you’ll do it all for him.” Beau reasoned. “Although the dragon turtle thing actually has merit. It was still following us last we checked, right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Caduceus said. “Wildmother confirmed that for me.”

“That’s bad.” Yasha frowned. “How can we get him out of its stomach? My sword was not that effective against its shell.”

“It seemed irritatingly resistant to fire as well.” Caleb furrowed his brow.

“So that kind of rules out half your stuff. And Essek is still magic-constipated, right?” Veth glanced at him.

“Er, yes.” Essek looked startled. “But-” 

“Wait, hold up,” Beau shook her head. “How did he get swallowed in the first place? Was the Traveler out in the water? Was he just going for a casual swim and then,  _ whoops! _ , right down the turtle’s throat?”

“Sounds terrible.” Fjord shuddered. “ _ Giant dragon turtles _ . What god can we blame for that one?”

“You know,” Jester looked thoughtful. “I’m pretty sure the Traveler can swim fast, and also pretty sure since he’s almost-a-god he wouldn’t get swallowed so easily. It’s gotta be something else keeping him busy. I really should check in with him using a spell, since he’s  _ clearly _ ,” And she glared into the air around her. “Not responding to anything I’m writing or asking out loud today!”

“Let’s keep walking until we’re as close as we can. We can take a longer break when we're closer, and then you can do your ritual.” Fjord glanced around. “This endless jungle gives me a bad feeling.”

“I know what you mean.” Caduceus looked at him. “Usually untamed places like this can be the purest way to talk to the Wildmother, but oddly I don’t really feel her here much.”

They had avoided the spiders den, but the jungle was still bothersome with twisted vines and roots underfoot, and misty air that clung to their skin. The humidity had returned with a vengeance when the breeze died down as the hours passed. The chatter dwindled too as their day continued; even Jester’s exuberance was quieter against the face of endless heat and humidity. They took a quick water break, Caleb taking a brief moment to check the path ahead with Frumpkin, and pushed onward again in the hopes of resting in the shade of the volcanic mountains by night.

  
  


Like most adventures, the Nein could never expect what was ahead.

  
  


“Can you hear running water in the distance?” Fjord looked nervously around. “We’re not somehow near the ocean again, right?”

“That is not possible.” Caleb frowned. “A river, perhaps.”

“And Frumpkin didn’t show you that?” Beau rolled her eyes. “Typical.”

“He is the best cat.” He said defensively. “But he can’t see  _ everything _ and this is a very large island.”

They walked a few more minutes further until they could all hear and see the source of the water. An impossibly clear blue river cut through the jungle, the water rushing forward with high speed towards some unknown destination.

“I think I want to stop and ask for a little guidance, if that’s alright with you all.” Caduceus rummaged in his bag for the correct items for his ritual. “The volcano is one direction. But I have a feeling about following the water.” 

“Oh, is this the right time for me to call up the Traveler too?” Jester swung her pink backpack around to her front to open the flap. “Two gods are better than one, or a god and a half-god I guess, and I’m sure he has some great advice for us about how to get into the volcano since that’s where he wants me to go anyways.”

Caduceus settled down on the ground and Jester joined a few feet away. One ritual of incense and green leaves facing a ritual of dick-shaped statues and doodles. It was an exemplary cross-section of the group’s interests. 

A gentle breeze crossed their path, blowing a few strands of Caduceus’s hair around as he closed his eyes and focused. Jester was tapping her fingers impatiently against her knee.

“Okay, so we’re on Rumblecusp, as you probably know already, and we’re trying to find you because obviously TravelerCon is this week and I really need to know what’s going on, but oh my gosh there were these ants and-”

“Is following the water the correct path?”

“-They weren’t that hard to fight but we kind of need to know if there’s any more ahead and-”

It was a chaotic overlap of questions and no answers, or at least none that the non-clerics of the group could hear. 

“Will we find what we’re looking for at the volcano?”

“-also we avoided some spiders that Caduceus saw but there’s apparently a river now and we’re not sure-”

“Are we being followed by more than just the dragon turtle?”

“-and it's been like super duper difficult trying to plan any of this convention without knowing how many people are coming, could you at least let me know the guest list?”

The breeze passed through again and blew out Caduceus’s incense. Jester scribbled a few things into her sketchbook and gave her friends a thumbs-up. 

“What have you found out?” Caleb looked between them both. 

“Well, there’s still some bugs or something on the island, that’s for sure.” Jester groaned. “But it isn’t more ants. Or spiders. He didn’t really give specifics but he also thought those giant ants were super gross and thought I did a totally great job exterminating them.”

“The river seems like the right path to travel,” Caduceus explained. “Even if it isn’t the most direct. It’ll lead us where we need to go.” 

“The Traveler agrees! Following the water is a good idea.”

“Okay, guess that choice is settled.” Fjord said. “Anything else?”

“The Traveler said he expects ‘ _ a lot’ _ of people coming. What would you guys call a lot of people at a party?”

“Fifty” Caleb spoke at the same time Beau said “One hundred” and Yasha offered “Twelve”.

Jester chewed on the end of her pencil. “Gosh, that makes it so much harder to know how many party favors to make or how much food to get, I wonder if I can try asking again-”

“Caduceus, did she say anything else?” Fjord interrupted.

“I think there’s something else on this island we’re supposed to discover, or at least that’s what it felt like the Wildmother was telling me.” Caduceus stood up and looked towards the river. “I guess there’s really only one way to find out.”

“I bet it's a waterfall.” Jester packed her statues and journal back into her bag.

“What do you mean?” Beau asked.

“What we’re supposed to find! All tropical islands have waterfalls, it’s even in the TravelerCon brochure about Rumblecusp.”

“You mean the brochure you were drawing yourself back on the boat?” Veth asked her.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it not true! And I bet there’s a hidden cave behind the waterfall and there’s totally treasure hidden back there. Maybe that’s what we’re supposed to find. That would totally help with my party favor issue too.”

“If we find hidden treasure on an island, I’m not sure if we should take it.” Fjord sighed. “I’d like to avoid any run-ins with pirates for a while.”

“It may not be pirates, it could be the remnants of some civilization that lived here.” Beau suggested.

“Or a creature’s hoard. Dragons are quite fond of treasure, although I certainly hope we don’t run into one.” Essek said.

Jester looked uncharacteristically nervous for a brief moment, then smiled again. “Nah, I don’t think dragons like hot islands. They’re all about cold caves and weird balls and stuff, we totally know this from experience.”

Caleb saw Essek’s inquisitive expression and lightly tapped his shoulder. “It’s a long story but we’ve unfortunately had several meetings with dragons already.”

“More than the one?” Essek raised his eyebrow. “I always forget how many adventures you all have had while I, well…”

“You’re here with us now, that’s what matters most to the future ahead.” 

Essek looked thoughtful as they continued walking along the river banks. “Caleb, I’ve been wanting to ask you-”

Veth pushed in between them, forcing Essek to take another step sideways towards the river. “Remember back on the boat I told you I had an idea for a new spell?”

“Oh,  _ ja _ , I remember you mentioning that you were working on something.” Caleb gave Essek an apologetic glance, but Essek just waved him off, trying to convey ‘ _ we can talk later’ _ with his expression.

Essek quickened his pace to be a few steps ahead of Caleb and Veth, and was grateful for the opportunity to add extra distance between himself and the river. The last thing he needed was to trip and fall into the water; Essek felt he had already made quite enough of a fool of himself on this island.

After a few moments, Fjord fell in step beside him. 

There was a minute of Essek glancing to his side at Fjord, and Fjord looking awkward about how to start a conversation, until he asked, “So, how's your magic doing today?” 

Essek appreciated his attempt. “It seems my spells are still able to affect  _ material _ things; I can move objects with my magic, use force to push and pull. But I believe anything regarding dimensions or distance is affected.”

“Oh, did you try teleporting again?” Fjord looked surprised.

“That's a rather big spell to lose if it doesn't work, so no I haven’t tried. But I assume the attempt would fail.”

“Well, and not to be rude or whatever, but you don’t seem as tired and faint today. Maybe it could work?”

“Did you want me to teleport away, Fjord?” 

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean-” He sighed. “This island gives me the creeps, and I’d feel a lot better having a quick getaway if we ran into trouble that we can’t fight our way out. It’d be nice to know we can rely on you.”

Essek frowned. He felt like Fjord was asking him something else between the lines. “I want you to be able to rely on me, and certainly I want to offer any help that I can. But there’s no evidence my situation has changed; I do not think I will be able to teleport.”

“What about your spellbook?” Beau was at his shoulder, evidently having listened in to their conversation. “Are you able to get that out from wherever you hide it?” 

“I have not tried today.” Essek was feeling singled out, even if he did acknowledge that they were right. He had been preoccupied by other thoughts so far that day and had not tried again. He swept his hand up in the familiar motion. “But it seems it still evades me.”

“Well that sucks.” Beau patted his back unexpectedly and Essek jumped a little. “If you’re anything like Caleb, you’re probably having nightmares and cold sweats without access to your books.”

“Yes, well, while it does make certain things more difficult for me, I’m not without  _ any _ magic.” 

“Oh yeah, you did that push thing on the ants. How’d you add the fire into it?” Beau peered at him. 

Essek had a feeling she already knew the answer. “That was Caleb, he was able to interlace his magic into mine.”

“That a normal thing wizards can do?” Fjord asked, looking intrigued. “Like combo attacks with teammates?”

“It is not entirely unheard of,” Essek couldn’t help but look back and Caleb and Veth, still in conversation. “But yes, it is unusual and requires a certain amount of magical…compatibility.” 

“Ooh, does that mean your  _ magic _ likes him too?” Jester popped up beside Fjord, waggling an eyebrow at Essek. “Does that always happen when two magic people get it on, or is this like a super special case?”

“I don’t know, Jester.” Essek tried to keep a straight face. “This is the first time I’ve experienced it.”

Jester looked excited by that answer, and just as she was gearing up to say something, Fjord paused her. “Did you want to ask something?”

“Oh! Yes, I almost forgot, Yasha thought she could smell smoke so I came up to the front to ask if anyone could see anything.”

“What?” Beau looked sharply ahead. “Shit, I can't see anything. Should we stop?” She looked to Fjord.

“Maybe.” Fjord slowed his pace until everyone else caught up and clumped around him. “Does anyone else smell or see anything unusual?”

They paused, sniffing at the air and peering into the trees ahead of them. The thunder of the river drained out any sounds, but it did give them an advantage in how it parted the jungle trees. Not too far ahead, grey smoke was rising from the canopy.

“Could it be more people here for TravelerCon?” Jester asked hopefully.

“There seems to be multiple lines of smoke, so it isn’t just a campfire.” Beau said.

“It is unmistakable, the smell.” Caleb frowned. “Something, or multiple somethings, are burning.”

“If we want to keep following the river, we’ll run right into whatever is causing the smoke.” Fjord raised his hand and summoned his sword. “Let’s try and be stealthy as we get closer.”

Essek took a few steps back, letting most of the group get ahead of him. His remaining magic would be near useless if it’s a wildfire or fire-wielder ahead of them. They stepped partially back into the trees beside the riverbank for cover, tiptoeing around any fallen twigs or crunchy leaves as they got closer and closer. Essek walked near Yasha again, feeling extra appreciative of her sword skills in this moment. If this magic-loss persisted beyond the island, perhaps he should invest in some physical training. Anything to feel less useless to the group.

The smell was growing stronger and the bitter haze in the air came less from the dewy mist than from the thick smoke that blew through the trees. The lush jungle turned greyer, tree trunks smirched with blackened spots, green leaves fallen from branches and crushed underfoot. The smoke was growing in density as they traversed.

“Perhaps we should send Frumpkin ahead of us?” Caleb whispered.

“Nah, he’s a bright orange bird right now.” Veth whispered back. “Let me go invisible and scout ahead.”

“Good idea, Veth, but be careful.” Fjord warned. “There’s a few things that can make this much smoke and I don’t like any of them.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She started to wave him off and then popped invisible. “We’ve fought demon things, I think I’ll be alright.”

The only sight of Veth was the slight parting of smoke as she stepped further forward without them. Caleb dug into his pouch, pulling out a copper wire and twirling it between his fingers at the ready. He knew Veth was more than capable of handling herself, but the smell was eye-watering at this close distance, and the sharp claws of past memories were starting to dig into Caleb more than he’d like to admit. 

A minute passed. Three. Then five. Caleb’s fingers kept worrying at the wire, waiting for Veth to reach out, or for some signal that they needed to chase in after her. The silence and lack of visibility lit a short fuse for his patience.

Another couple of minutes, and Caleb looked in Fjord’s direction. “Should I-?” He started.

“Well that was a bust.” The smoke said in Veth’s voice. “I didn’t see anything. Whatever it is might have left already. But there’s a huge section of trees burnt to a crisp and fallen over. Everything is still smoking.”

“You sure?” Fjord asked in the direction her voice came from. “With this much smoke, it must have happened recently. You didn’t see tracks or footprints?”

“Hey, I tried!” She started to argue.

“Wait!” Beau pulled out her fan and grinned. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this earlier. Veth, you might want to get behind us since I can’t see where you are right now.”

“Shit, okay.” There was the sound of footsteps as she got out of the way.

Beau walked to the very front of the group and opened her giant fan. She raised it high and snapped it quickly down, causing a massive gust of wind to surge forward from her fan. Beau tightened her grip as the fan vibrated with power, trying to slowly shift it left and right to disperse the field of smoke. Yasha stepped up behind her, reaching around to hold her arms and help steady the fan against the rolling stream of wind. After a minute of joined effort, the thick grey had died down enough to reveal a section of the jungle that had been reduced to black stumps of trees.

Beau smiled up at Yasha. “Thanks, that definitely did the trick.”

“Oh. Yes. No problem.” She stepped awkwardly back. “We can all see now.”

“Veth, are you still invisibile?” Caleb called out.

“Yeah,” A voice said next to his shoulder. “Should I stay this way?”

“It’s probably a smart idea.” Caduceus took a couple steps forward into the burnt clearing. “This looks bad.”

“Spread out, but keep each other in eyesight.” Fjord said. “If you find any trace of what did this, shout and we’ll all come over.”

Despite the plentiful water just meters away, the area they carefully walked through appeared as if it had weathered a severe drought, and lost. Tall trees had been broken down to charcoal husks, branches twisted in on themselves or fallen and crumbled on the ground. The once green forest floor was coated with flakes of ash and brittle leaves. It was odd; there didn’t seem to be a  _ center _ to the problem, no single source where the destruction seemed to radiate from, no telltale scorch breath lines, no footprints from a fleeing arsonist. 

“Maybe the fan gust blew away any tracks?” Fjord guessed.

“But at least we can see everything now!” Beau responded defensively.

“I am glad there is less smoke.” Yasha poked a trunk with her sword and a whole side collapsed inward with a puff of ash. “But it does not make this less...disturbing.”

“Psst, Lebbie.”

He looked to his side, hearing but not seeing Veth.

“You okay?”

“ _ Ja _ , I am fine.” He mostly meant it. It would take more than burnt residue to push him into a relapse. But still, Caleb was uneasy as they traversed through the leftover remnants of some terrible fire.

“Ow.” Jester shook her arm. “I think this island has mosquitos or something.”

Caduceus looked around. “You’d think they’d die off in a fire like this, but those bugs can be pretty resilient.”

“ _ Ouch _ .” Beau slapped her leg. She held her hand up to eye-level. “What the-”

“Hey-!” Fjord jumped back, swinging his sword across the air suddenly. “What size are mosquitos usually?”

“Ow!” Jester flinched and shook her arm again. “Something keeps biting me!”

“They don’t look like mosquitos!” Beau called out.

Yasha whipped her head around and stepped back. “Something just flew past my nose. Bigger than a fly.”

Caduceus shook his staff gently to dislodge a few of his beetles. “Do any of you guys recognize what’s flying around us?”

“Caduceus!” Jester shrieked. “Your hair is on fire!”

“Wha-?” He shook his head and tried to reach back to pat out the fire. Fjord ran up and quickly opened his skein to pour water onto his friend.

“What the hell is happening?” Fjord shouted.

Jester patted at her skirt rapidly, trying to put out a lick of flames that started suddenly. “Is something invisible attacking us?!”

“Shit!” Beau poured her own water skein over her robes, quenching the smoke that had started trailing out.

Caleb felt a hot pinch and smacked his own arm instinctively. He looked down at his palm to see a squished black and red bug. “It’s fyreflies! The wind must have chased them off temporarily, but they are coming back!”

“Fireflies, like the little glowing things?” Veth’s voice asked. “Aren’t they harmless?”

“Not these!” Caleb shouted. “Don’t let them land, their spit creates sparks.”

“How-,” Beau was shaking her arms wildly as more of the fyreflies swarmed closer. “Can we stop these damn bugs from landing? They’re everywhere!”

“Ahh!” Jester fumbled with her bag as her sleeve caught fire. “I can’t cast anything like this!”

Fjord sprinted up to her, but found his skein was empty, and grabbed Jester’s own to pour over her sleeve. “We can’t stay in the open like this!”

Caleb’s thoughts were whirling and darkening. Little fires were catching everywhere, his friend’s clothes were sparking orange and red, the smell of smoke and burning hair filling his senses. It was a nightmare he’s had before. His friends, his  _ family _ , up in flames before him and it was his fault, his  _ fault, his fault _ .

“Essek!” He heard Yasha behind him and staggered around to look. She was smacking at Essek’s back, helping to put out the flames that burst across his shirt.

“We need shelter, water.” Caleb said, his voice sounding distant to his ears.

“The river!” Veth screamed out, amplifying his thoughts.

They ran to the riverbank, shaking off the incoming swarm as they fled. Jester pulled off her shield and dipped it down into the river, filling it with shallow water and flinging it back into the air at the fyreflies.  “Does anyone have a bucket or anything better?”

“Can we swim it?” Fjord looked into the rapids of the river, the clear water showing the sharp rocks and gravel that lay below.

“It’s too fast!” Beau yelled. “We could get pulled under!”

“I have an idea.” Caduceus turned around to face the growing swarm of black and red. “Fjord?”

“I’m with you!” Fjord stood his ground beside Caduceus and in sync they moved their arms down and then sharply up. A stream of the river rose up with them, forming a bubbling wall in front of the Nein.

“Hurry!” Caduceus shouted.

“What he said!” Fjord repeated. “The wall is thin, but it should be enough to hold them back.”

Jester started sprinting along the riverbank, Beau and Yasha right behind.

Caleb felt a hand on his arm. “Come on.” Essek urged him forward.

He wasn’t quite all there. Caleb could feel his lungs gasping around the smoke and memories; the claws of his past had sunk in deeper.

“Caleb, come  _ on _ .” Essek was pulling on his hand now.

“Wait-” He looked around, his air deprived mind still clinging to a few details of reality. “Where’s Veth? I can’t leave her-”

“Right here!” An invisible hand grabbed onto his. “We need to run!”

A sigh of relief gave him the extra push he needed and Caleb ran forward, following the heels of his friends already quite a few paces in front. After a minute they heard rapid footsteps catching up to them, and then the crash of water against water. Fjord and Caduceus were right behind. 

“Where are we going?” Beau shouted from the front of the group.

“Follow the river!” Caduceus answered from behind.

“Are the bugs still after us?” Veth asked.

Fjord glanced behind him and cursed under his breath. “Yup!” He picked up his pace.

“Ohmygoshyouguys!” Jester shouted out breathlessly. “I can see it! Keep going! It's up ahead!”

“What do you see?” Fjord called out to her.

“Waterfall!” She yelled back.

“No way.” Veth responded, just loud enough for Caleb and Essek to hear beside her. “I thought she made that up for the travel brochure.”

They followed the curve of the river and as the trees grew sparser, they could all see it now. They had somehow reached the beginning of the mountain range, it’s impressive peaks cutting through the jungle floor with sharp rocky edges. The highest point, the volcano, lay somewhere amongst them. The bright blue of the river continued its path over grey rocks and boulders, and then flowed impossibly up the side of the mountain. It was visually a waterfall, but the cascade ran up instead of down.

“They’re still behind us!” Fjord shouted.

“We need to go through!” Jester called back.

“What?” Beau ran sideways to look at her.

“We need to go  _ through! _ There’s a cave on the other side!”

“How do you know that?!” Beau asked.

“There’s always a secret cave behind waterfalls, because otherwise what’s the point?” Jester sped up, running gleefully towards the wall of water against the mountain’s side.

“Jester, wait!” Beau hurried to catch up.

“Is she serious?!” Essek slowed a little, watching everyone sprinting full tilt towards what appeared to be water and rock.

“Trust her!” Veth called out from somewhere to his side. “She’s usually right!” Her voice trailed off as she too kept running forward.

“Keep going!” Fjord’s voice was right behind Essek and Caleb now. 

It was Caleb’s turn to tug on Essek’s arm. “Trust her.”

“But-”

“Trust  _ us _ .” 

“Okay.” Essek clung onto his faith in the Nein and he chased after them towards the reverse-waterfall. It was magic, it had to be magic, he prayed to the Luxon he didn’t believe in,  _ please let it be magic _ .

He watched as Jester, leading the front of the group, crashed right through the water and disappeared. Then Beau. Then Yasha. Then he could only assume Veth ran in as well. The rush of water was mere feet from him, the roar of the waterfall echoing in his ears, the sharp rocks underfoot only a preview of what could lay behind. 

Essek slowed for just another second and Caleb dashed past. Then all visual of him was lost behind the wall of blue.

Essek was starting to panic, he could feel the tension seizing at his muscles. This was insanity, this whole island was unreality, nothing about this situation made any sense, and he had no choice.

He took a large gulp of air, held it, and plunged through the pounding wall of water to whatever lay behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am incapable of writing short chapters, sorry not sorry?
> 
> If you follow me on tumblr you saw me screaming into the tags re: Mr. Mercer's description of Rumblecusp because apparently I galaxybrained into whatever wavelength he's on about the reverse waterfall. I swear I had this in my outline for this fic before that episode, haha :P
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It seriously brings me joy <3


	4. A Mystery Underground

As Essek ran through the waterfall, momentum crashed him right into someone’s back, a  _ copper haired  _ someone. He held onto Caleb’s shoulders a little longer than was necessary to steady himself. While Essek was pretty unbothered with the cold by nature, Caleb was warm under his hands, and Essek could allow himself this small indulgence. He leaned in closer, the temptation of embrace too strong to ignore.  _ Just one minute _ Essek thought  _ Surely the rest are distracted right now- _

Before he could even finish stepping closer there was another loud splashing noise from behind and two more bodies came running in, bumping right into Essek and Caleb in a domino effect. Essek was pushed hard against Caleb and could feel him slipping on the rocks underfoot.

“Whoa there.” Caduceus grabbed Essek’s arm and pulled him upright, keeping him from toppling and taking Caleb down with him as well.

Fjord was poking at the little burn holes in his clothes and then looked back over his shoulder. “I think the water chased the rest of the bugs off of us. Finally a stroke of luck.”

“Thank the Traveler!” Jester called from a few feet away. She had trudged out of the pool of water and up onto the small shore on the border of the cavern. “Wow, this place is super cool!”

Caleb patted Essek’s hand, which made Essek jump back a couple inches. He had briefly forgotten he was still clinging onto him much like the grip of their waterlogged clothing. Caleb gave Essek a warm, but brief, smile and stepped away to look around at the space they had arrived in. It was a surprisingly vast cavern, spreading wide and tall from the opening behind the waterfall. There was the most miniature of lakes in the center, and then the pool sloped up into a halfmoon of shore ledge before meeting rocky walls. It wasn’t perfectly curved, but rather the opposite. The edges of the cavern dripped into stalagmites and stalactites, obscuring possible corners and turns, making the area a mystery of exits. Or Essek could only assume; this didn’t seem like the type of place, considering all they’ve encountered so far on this island, to simply be a dead end.

“Waterwalk is useless when you’re walking  _ through _ a waterfall, ugh!” Veth moaned. She wrung water out of her braid with a frown on her face.

“I have a fan?” Beau had stepped onto the shore now too, and reached back for her fan. “Damn, it’s soaked too.”

“That thing will blow me right back into the water.” Veth laughed.

Yasha shook her head, sending some droplets flying. “I am just glad we are away from that fire.”

“Agreed.” Caleb replied, a little darkly.

Fjord raised his sword aloft and a glowing light began to emanate from it. “Where do you think we are?” He angled the sword left and right around him, sending light bouncing across the wet stone. “Does anyone see any exits?”

Everyone stepped in different directions, looking around the rocky formations for any branching paths. Essek shook off his momentary hiccup of embarrassment and chose to follow the ledge leading away from the dancing lights conjured up by Caleb. His night eyesight didn’t need them. He ran a hand lightly across the stone walls as he walked. It seemed carved over millennia solely from the power of water. That was a good sign; any irregularities could be attributed to erosion rather than the claws of some unknown creature. There were errant stalagmites breaking up the easy walk of the shore, and more than once he had to squeeze through a grouping to continue on the path. Essek felt surprisingly grateful that he was cloakless for this journey. His Shadowhand vestiges would get torn and ruined on all these rocks. And everything was terribly damp. The water felt chilly right where it fed from the river, but the stone walls and pools underfoot were growing warmer in temperature the further he walked along. And then there was the glitter. Essek was hesitant to describe anything as  _ sparkly _ , but there was no more apt word to describe what he was seeing. Even in the near black, the walls sparked here and there with veins of some light-reflecting material. Leaning closer, the particles seemed to be silvery and much too fine to be chunks of gems amongst the rocks. Not for the first time on this island, Essek wished he had access to his dimensional pocket. He had his alchemist kit stored there, and with a few scrapings of the strange material he’d know so much more in just minutes. He was idly running his hand across the vein of glitter, wondering if perhaps Veth had a kit handy. He remembered her showing an interest in alchemy before... 

With that thought he suddenly realized he had walked much farther from the group than he intended; he couldn’t see any light or hear any conversation behind him. And considering the experiences offered by the island so far, he promptly turned around to retrace his steps to the Nein. He had only stepped back through one narrow mouth of stalagmite when there were two glowing orbs surprisingly close to him. Frumpkin was a few paces away, looking up at Essek with shiny fey eyes. He felt his heart tug a little.  _ Caleb. _

“Are you here to fetch me and lead me back?” He murmured to Frumpkin. Despite the likelihood that Caleb was not watching at this exact moment, he still felt the urge to talk to the creature. He had already decided to head back, but now he did so with a companion leading the way ahead.

Essek picked his way back across the ledge and after a while saw the familiar glow of lights up ahead. He really had traveled farther than he thought. He walked up to see the rest of the group huddled together and gesturing towards something on the wall.

Frumpkin darted forward to bump affectionately into Caleb’s heels. He turned to look at Essek as he approached, a pinch of tension in his shoulders easing at his arrival.

“Nothing substantial lies in that direction.” Essek reported. Then in a quieter voice towards Caleb he said, “I appreciate the companionship. But were you... following me?” 

“No, I trust you to handle yourself, however-” And Caleb pointed towards the wall. “We found something interesting, and could not see you in the cavern. So I thought it pertinent to lead you back to me. To us.” He added quickly.

Before Essek could reply, Jester interrupted.

“It’s not anything magical, Caleb already tried. And it’s not some sort of historical rune, although I totally appreciate your help Beau.” Jester ran her hand over the deliberate gouge marks in the rock, just above eye level. “Have you seen anything like this before Essek?”

There were three marks into the stone, cut cleverly so that the natural rock layers would disguise it unless light was held at the correct angle to cast shadows into the grooves. Two short lines sandwiching one long middle line.

“It’s an arrow.” Essek said at once.

A brief moment of silence and then-

" _ Fuck _ , I was overthinking it!” Beau grumbled. “Why do I even bother reading all these weird books when its never useful-”

" _ Ja _ , I can see it so obviously now, that’s a spell I wasted then-”

“Ohmygosh this is so exciting!” Jester clapped her hands happily. “See, there are signs everywhere if you know where to look! We’re totally going to find the hidden treasure  _ and _ the Traveler at the end!”

Fjord shined his sword in that direction. “It looks like rocks and darkness, but sure let’s follow the random cave lines.”

“I’ll go first to check for traps, Captain Scaredypants.” Veth walked ahead of him. “I definitely trust Essek’s mysterious cave arrow.”

Essek felt a stab of annoyance but then he belatedly realized Veth was joking with him. Words of defense still sprung to his lips before he could stop. “The lines are too parallel to be anything but deliberate, and when seen as a whole it does appear to point-”

“As you can see I’m already walking in that direction, it’s fine.” She rolled her eyes. “If you’re going to be hanging around us long term, you’re gonna need to find a sense of humor. Don’t Drows do humor?”

Jester shot her a look. “Veth, that’s kinda-”

“No, she is right. Perhaps there is another mushroom we could experiment with that would lend me some humor.”

Veth paused and then chuckled. “Okay, you’re willing to play along, that’s good. You need to work on your delivery though, you sound too nervous about attempting a joke. You need to remember there’s times the audience just won't find you funny, but the confidence is what seals the deal.”

Jester stepped up in front with Veth. “Do you know any traveling songs? Last time we were walking in tunnels that ‘Bottles of Ale on the Wall’ one got really boring super fast.”

“Hmm, not really. Felderwin wasn’t really an adventuring sort of town, although I do know this one tune, but I can’t remember all the words…”

As the front of the group started up rhyme attempts and humming, Fjord glanced back towards the symbol on the tunnel entrance. “ _ Is _ it a sign?”

“Yeah, we’re both wondering the same thing.” Caduceus said, but there was a different sort of weight to his words.

“Oh I’m sure we are but, uh, just in case can you explain more about what you’re thinking?” Fjord asked.

“Someone had to carve those, right? And we haven’t seen anyone else on this island since we landed.”

A crease appeared between Fjord’s brows. “I admit I was hoping the arrow was something really old and whoever left it isn’t here anymore. Should we be worried?”

“Arrows always lead somewhere. Whether that’s good or bad depends on who left them and who’s following them.”

“Point taken.” Fjord nodded. “We’ll keep an eye out. Essek, did you see anything at all when you wandered off?”

Essek bit down his retort; he hadn’t ‘ _ wandered off’  _ like a child, but admittedly he still wasn’t used to these group dynamics. Perhaps he should have checked in before...but it didn’t matter now. “The atmosphere grew slightly warmer as I walked, perhaps that direction leads towards the magma channels of the volcano.” Essek could only guess based on various facts he’s read, but his educated guesses were usually correct.

“We do need to go to the volcano, but I don’t like the sound of  _ magma channels _ .” 

“Oh, and there is some mineral or similar substance ingrained in the rock.”

Caleb perked up. “What color?”

“Silvery, but not silver.”

“With an abundance of heat, perhaps it is a glass?”

“No, it was riddled through the rock in veins, but unlike any crystal I recognize.”

“Fascinating.” Caleb trailed his fingers along the wall beside them. “I don’t see any in this direction, I wonder why?”

“Are you thinking of experimental spell components?”

Caleb flashed him a smile. “I am always thinking of that.”

“And it wasn’t green?” Caduceus asked.

Essek raised an eyebrow. Caduceus surprised him with that question. “Definitely wasn’t green. Are you perhaps searching for a particular green mineral?”

“Hmm, not really.” Caduceus shrugged. “We’ve just stumbled across some before. It’d be neat if it was, but it probably isn’t.”

Essek turned his questioning look back to Caleb.

“Another adventure story for a later time.” He replied. 

Essek focused his gaze back ahead on the path forward. There was no use in it, feeling ( _ and as embarrassed as he was to admit it _ ) jealous that this group had already shared and created so many stories together. He would always be playing catch up and likely he would never rank as high in their friendship as they already forged with each other. And that had been his choice, to stay aloof and alone, and he could only learn to live with it.

They continued forward in silence, at least towards the back of the group since the front continued their half-sung chatter. Yasha was now pulled into their antics with Jester begging to know any circus songs she may have learned.

“I know you weren’t with them super long, but I only know complicated stuff from listening to my mama and those make terrible walking songs.”

“Oh, well. Yes, I know one.” Yasha smiled, but there was a touch of sadness at her eyes. “I don’t know the words and I never asked. I should have, but I didn’t. But, um. Molly used to sing this one a lot when we were traveling between cities with the circus.” She hummed a few bars of something bouncy. “Sorry, I don’t know more than that.”

“No, no, no, I love it!” Jester gave her a big grin. “We could totally make up some words to go with it! Then it’ll be a super special song, just for the Mighty Nein, Molly included!”

“Okay.” Yasha replied, her smile a little brighter. “I’d like that.” 

The water was long left behind, with the shore ledge funneling into a tunnel past the arrow. The rocky columns of stalagmites were less common and their path had become a strangely smooth tunnel that cut through the mountain with unknown purpose. The last strained echoes of the waterfall were easily drowned by footsteps and singing.

And then the noises up front turned into an exclamation of “Oh no!”, and those in the back hurried forward to see what had caused it.

Veth was pointing ahead. The tunnel was branching into two paths, a left and a right, with no distinguishable features to differ them. But after some minutes of fruitless inspection, Jester climbed up on Beau’s shoulders to look closer at the ceiling. After a moment she excitedly gestured towards something on the right tunnel entrance. 

“We are totally the best detectives.” She grinned down at them.

Caleb flicked his finger and a light globule bounced forward to where Jester was pointing. Subtly carved against the ceiling was the same three lines. Another arrow.

“It feels good to know we’re on the right path.” Caduceus patted Fjord on the shoulder and they all continued into the tunnel ahead.

Essek found himself biting back words yet again.  _ To where? Where are the arrows leading? _ So far most of his experiences with the Nein have felt like trust exercise after trust exercise, but this was an island that had taken away his most powerful magic and now they were blindly following arrows deeper into dark tunnels. There was a tickle of anxiety catching in his throat, a threat of saying -or doing- something he may regret. Essek reached out, not blindly since he could see perfectly well, but rashly. He still wasn’t sure if this fell under the umbrella of whatever he and Caleb were, but  _ Luxon be damned, _ he needed a reminder of something outside the anxious spiral in his thoughts.

He grabbed Caleb’s hand.

A heartbeat passed, Caleb’s hand was limp and unresponsive, and then his fingers moved under Essek’s, lacing them together.

Another heartbeat. Caleb squeezed his hand.

The group pushed forward again, footsteps a little more hurried in excitement after seeing the second arrow.

Jester was repeating Yasha’s humming. “ _ Something, something, traveling _ … Yasha how long were you and Molly with the circus? Did you travel around a lot, like across the whole continent? What was the most interesting city you went to?”

“Oh, um.” Yasha looked startled from whatever thoughts she had been pondering. “Not as long as Molly, they found me along the way. And then I, you know, came and went a lot.”

Beau bumped lightly into her shoulder. “I’m glad you’ve stuck around with us. I mean, the Mighty Nein’s its own kind of crazy circus, but we’re better together.”

“Ooh! That’s a good line, I wonder if I can work that into the song…”

Essek was only half paying attention to the conversation around him. His eyes were tracking the rolling movement of the light globule floating gently in front of him. It was a golden amber color, so clearly marked with Caleb’s magic. He wondered if it would be warm to the touch.

“Do you like the dark?” Caleb’s question interrupted his thoughts. Essek must have been staring at the light for an oddly long time.

“Rosohna is a place of night, as you’ve seen. My kind much prefer the dark to the sun.”

“ _ Ja _ , but that isn’t what I asked.”

Essek glanced at Caleb, his face half-lit in the warm glow from the drifting light.

“I do most of my work by candlelight, or by globes like these.” Essek gestured towards the ball of light. “My eyes can see in the dark perfectly well, but I do always have a candle alight. I enjoy watching them.”

“Because of their dancing flames?”

“No, for how they mark the passage of time.”

Caleb gave him an appraising look. “Interesting.”

Essek couldn’t quite read his tone. He squeezed Caleb’s hand and decided to try a direct approach. “What is on your mind?”

“Gift ideas.”

Essek almost dropped his hand in surprise. “Why-?”

Caleb chuckled, and it was such a rare sound Essek found himself leaning closer to catch it all. “I am only teasing, although… I suppose we still owe you a few favors.”

Essek shook his head. “There is no debt between friends, and I owe you my  _ life _ . There are many justifiable things you could have done with me when I told you what I had caused. And yet here I am still whole and walking.”

“ _ Friends _ .” Caleb seemed to not have absorbed past that word. He drifted closer as they walked, his shoulder leaning into Essek’s own. “Unless the definition has recently changed, I have a proposition of a different word for us-”

“Lebbie, can you direct one of your light things up here?” Veth’s voice called out from the front, interrupting whatever Caleb was about to say. Essek sent a silent curse her way, and then immediately backtracked it. This was a  _ group _ ; he had to get used to the trade of his old privacy for new companionship.

They approached where the rest of the group had halted, the driftglobe floating in front to lead the way. There was a sudden burst of jagged rocks clogging the way ahead, some entrance to a larger space obscured behind them. The once-smooth tunnel had reverted into a maw of stalagmite and stalactite, but the light was reflecting off the teeth in unusual glittering angles. The rocks were more glass than dirt, a burnished silver jutting out from the dark of the tunnel.

“Essek, is this the crystal you saw back near the waterfall?” Fjord turned to him.

“It could be; I only saw a mere vein of it, nothing like this quantity.”

“I could go invisible and sneak ahead.” Veth volunteered. “Just in case…”

“I mean, it’s just rocks right? Rocks can’t fight us.” Jester looked around the group. “It’s kinda pretty. Send in some more light and we can all check it out from here. You don’t need to waste your invisibility, Veth.”

“We’ve been hit by rock things before.” Beau reminded her.

“But these are so super pretty. I don’t think they’re  _ attack crystals _ , just regular ones.”

“I know some pretty things that can do damage.” Fjord gave Jester a quick glance. “But sure. Caleb can you send in all your lights? Let’s see what lies ahead more clearly.”

Essek let go of Caleb’s hand. He had grown accustomed to the quiet comfort, but accepted the loss to instead flick his fingers in the air. “Let me help.”  _ This _ he could do. 

Four blueish globes popped up before him, deftly drifting around the stalagmites and past the entrance of the cavern. Caleb’s amber lights followed, dodging the rocks and floating upwards. They watched from a safe distance by the mouth of the cavern, the lights unveiling the vast space that lay beyond. The globules danced up and out, filling the interior with fighting colors of cold blue and warm gold, but the cavern only seemed to expand more and more past the light’s touch. It was a cave of crystal tucked inside the mountain, larger than the waterfall cove by double. Every surface was encrusted in the silvery material, making every jagged edge seem like a mirror shard, scattering the light and transforming the whole interior into a geode funhouse.

Veth ventured forward, walking past the entrance and into the cavern. “What is this stuff?”

“I dunno,” Jester followed right behind, her wide eyes dancing with the same reflected light. “But it’s so beautiful, oh my gosh.”

They all entered; the room appeared safe and empty of any traps or living beings. Everything was glassy crystal, another mystery on this island.

Beau ran a hand across the wall and pulled it quickly back. “This stuff is really sharp, you think we could make weapons out of it or something? My throwing stars could use an upgrade.”

“Do we even have anything that could cut it?” Fjord responded. He looked at the sword in his hand. “I don’t really want to risk it with the Star Razor.”

“Veth-” Essek turned to her with an intense look in his eyes. “Do you have an alchemist’s kit?”

She looked taken aback at his sudden address. “Yeah, I guess. What are you planning?” She started digging in her bag.

“Mine is lost in my pocket plane right now, but this crystal- we  _ must _ take a sample. Certainly as a fellow student of the alchemical arts you would agree? Who knows what properties this has, what it could be or do? I’ve certainly never seen it before, and that in itself makes it astronomically rare.” 

She held out a few small vials and a small knife. “I don’t think this is gonna do what you want it to do. Works fine on plants, but on crystals?” She gestured with the knife. “Don’t break my things, Essek.”

“No, no, of course not. Do you have any acids? Perhaps we could dislodge some…”

Caduceus leaned over. “Can I join in on this? I’d love to get a few crystals as well. I already got a little collection going,” And he waved with his staff. “And I’d like an extra to bring home to Clarabelle.”

Essek glanced towards him but didn’t really expect an explanation. Surely it was another adventure story for a later time.

“My younger sister.” Caduceus smiled at him. “I think she’d like a souvenir like this.”

“Siblings.” Essek smiled back, a little strained. “I understand.”

He tapped the wall with his staff. “I don’t think acid will work on this, even if you had a special one for crystals. What if we look for a piece that has already broken off?”

“Yes, of course.” Essek knew enough to not argue with Caduceus on matters of nature. “This is such a large cavern though…”

“Hey guys,” Caduceus raised his voice enough to echo across the cave to where the rest of the group had wandered. “Could you help us look for some stray pieces of this crystal? Any fallen pieces you can find.” He turned back to Essek. “Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help; most of us love a good scavenger hunt.”

He was right; Fjord and Veth immediately made it a competition to find a piece first, with Beau joining right behind them. Yasha was peering at the walls with intense concentration, slowly walking the diameter of the room. Essek started scanning the floor, kicking a rocky piece with his boot every so often, hoping to strike lucky on a loose one.

An amber globe rolled past his vision, and then copper hair followed behind. “What is on your mind?” Caleb echoed his own question from before.

“You know how many years I’ve experienced.” Essek kept his eyes downward, poking at another edge of the ground. He could see Caleb nod from out of his peripheral vision. “And you know how well-read I am. Despite all that, I do not know what this is.” He couldn’t suppress the excitement from his voice. “Who knows what further study of this material could bring? It could be a new key to strengthening magical concoctions or help channel certain elements or-”

“It could be useless glass.”

“Yes, exactly. But we won’t know until we try. Don’t you want to find out?” Essek knew he had struck the right chord, and indeed, he knew how delightfully like-minded Caleb was to him. A lopsided grin had spread across Caleb’s face, one of his rare bright ones.

“The pursuit of great things always requires dabbling in the unknown.  _ Ja _ , I would like to find out.”

Essek felt a wild thrill and sudden impulse to kiss him right there in the cavern, the contrasting warm and cool of the floating lights echoing the same whirl he felt within him. This was no proper time for that at all, but in the spark of this moment Essek felt  _ understood _ and he wished he could let Caleb know just what that meant to him.

He settled for holding Caleb’s gaze as long as possible, a smile on his face and warmth in his heart.

“Oh,  _ oh! _ ”

There was a gasp and cry from behind them and the moment was dissolved. Yasha was making noises of surprise and fumbling with something in her hands.

“Yasha, what is it?” Beau jogged over, the first to reach her.

“I thought I found, but it’s,  _ oh! _ ” She held her hand aloft, her eyes wide in shock.

“It’s  _ moving? _ ” Beau leaned over what Yasha held. “Is that crystal moving?!”

Caduceus walked up to Yasha and held out his hand. “May I?”

The crystal stuck to her for a second as she upturned her palm, and then it dropped into Caduceus’s waiting hand.

They gathered around staring at the glittering crystal, unmoving and solid in his palm. 

And then it shifted forward.

“Are my eyes playing tricks or did it-” Veth started.

“I saw it too!” Jester exclaimed. “What is it, is it alive, how is it alive if it’s crystal?”

“Hey there, friend.” Caduceus lifted his hand to eye level. “What could you be?”

It slowly inched across his palm, still looking to the rest of them like a jagged piece of glass that just happened to have momentum.

“Is it dangerous?” Fjord asked.

“I don’t think it is.” Caduceus lowered his hand toward him. “It looks like some sort of snail, and the crystal grew right onto its shell. Or maybe it grew from the crystal, it’s kind of hard to tell and I don’t really speak snail.”

“Oh no,” Jester frowned. “Does that mean if we take some crystals we’re taking his home or like his family or something?”

“I’m sure we could find some not-alive crystals.” Beau suggested. “Don’t snails abandon their shells when they outgrow them or something?”

“You’re thinking of hermit crabs.” Fjord corrected.

“Hmm, pretty sure snails do it too. We had a snail problem once at the vineyard and-” The conversation dissolved into playful bickering.

“If anything, this makes it more fascinating.” Essek was still staring at the snail traveling across Caduceus's pink palm. 

“Would you like to hold it?” Caduceus offered.

Essek lifted his own hands as a way of answering and Caduceus gently tilted his palm to make a ramp onto Essek’s. The snail reached the edge of one palm and paused, then scooted slowly onto the next.  _ Trust exercise after trust exercise. _

It was much heavier than Essek expected for a creature that size, but most of the weight seemed to come from the jagged shard atop its back. Even up close he couldn’t tell if the snail had burrowed its way into a crystal for a home, or if he was witnessing some mineral-into-animal catalyst first hand. It pulled itself forward one tiny movement at a time, tugging its glittering home along like it weighed nothing at all. So much strength in something so small. 

He held his hands as still as possible, allowing the snail to move easily along the connection of Essek’s left and right palms. A memory rose in his mind. He was younger, much younger, and he had learned his first gravity spell. A smooth grey stone hovered a few inches up from his palm and Essek had held still until his arms had begun to shake. He had kept watching the stone rotate slowly in his hand, the whole world of magic feeling wide open to him as long as he never fumbled the fragile threads of a spell, as long as he never broke concentration on his goal.

Now here was a little creature, even if not made from magic it was surely touched by it, and it had no care in the world but to live its life.

“Essek! Can you pass him over?” Jester was right by his elbow holding her hands out. “I want to see him up close, he’s so cute. I wonder if these creatures have a name? Or since we found him like explorers do, does that mean we get to name him?”

He mimicked what Caduceus did before and gingerly tipped his palm towards Jester’s, encouraging the little snail to crawl into her hand. “I have not heard of these, nor stumbled across them in my reading. We very well could be the first to discover one.”

Jester’s eyes were locked onto the snail, filled with the same wonderment Essek had felt for the last five minutes. She glanced up at him. “What would you name him?”

“Oh, I-” his mind went blank. What does one even name a snail? Do you pick a descriptive name, something formal to be added into historical records? If you’re not planning on keeping it, was there any use in giving it a pet name? Essek knew this snail was definitely not a  _ Frumpkin _ , but having never owned a pet he wouldn’t even know where to begin.

“Fancypants.” Jester was raising her hand to eye level to watch the snail travel.

“Where have I heard that before?” Veth grinned, appearing beside her to watch as well. 

“Okay fine, fine, it’s my go-to name.” She looked closer. “Merlyn Fancypants. That’s absolutely his name, and look! He totally likes it.”

“How can you tell?” Veth squinted at the creature. “I can’t see a face.”

“He’s smiling! I mean, it’s a very tiny snail smile, but it’s totally a smile. Here, I’ll hold him closer.”

Beau walked over. “If I record that as his name in my journal, when we get back to the Cobalt Archives it’ll be its name officially.” She grinned. “The whole species will be Merlyn Fancypants forever.”

“They can’t all be Merlyn! That’s just  _ his _ name. Everyone in his family should have different names.” Jester stuck out her palm towards Beau who shook her head.

“I need my hands to write this down.” She held up her journal. “His name and whatever family we find.”

Jester almost jumped up excitedly but caught herself in time so as to not dislodge the snail from her hand. “Yes, let's do that! You and I can look for Merlyn’s family, and the rest of us can look for the regular crystals. It's teamwork!”

Essek felt an easy smile bloom on his face before he even realized he was doing it. He could be standing in a room of pure discovery; magic that could be unknown to anyone outside of this island, magic that could be a possible bridge between unbreathing elements and living creatures. And he also wanted to find another snail to name with his friends.

Even if the crystals of his surroundings were perfect mirrors and not uneven angled shards, Essek wasn’t sure he would quite recognize his reflection any more. 

The thought made a strike of anxiety flash through his mind. He tried to grab on, to ride the sensation, to breath through it. If things were changing, if  _ he _ was changing, that was good. ( _ This is good, this is good, this is good, _ he repeated). Essek knew he couldn’t hold still anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes for chapter 4:
> 
> Two things mostly. One, real life is kicking my ass hard right now. I wish I could do nothing but write this fic, but alas! Thank you for your patience with me between updates. <3  
> Second, this section became an absolute behemoth in length, so I'm splitting it up into more manageable chapter lengths. So hurray, more chapters for you!
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments and kudos on this journey so far! :)


	5. A Mystery Underground: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: blood, injury, bodily harm to a character. Talk about dying / self-sacrifice.

It took them over an hour, but by the end of it the group had collected four hefty chunks of loose crystal (much to Essek’s delight), six new snails to name (Jester is ecstatic), and one impressively gnarled purple weed that had somehow pushed through the small crack between crystal and ground (Caduceus refused to take it from it’s growing place and helped Beau record a drawing in her journal instead). Jester had gathered all the snails onto a makeshift display in front of her, gently placing them on a horizontal slice of crystal.

“Okay, okay, okay. I’m going to draw the whole Fancypants family in my sketchbook while you guys pick out some names. I named Merlyn and so it’s only fair if each of you name one too!”

“Jester, maybe you’re too excited to count or something, but I don’t think there are enough for each of us.” Veth did a quick recount. “Yeah, even with Merlyn from before we’re short one.”

“I will pass on the opportunity.” Caleb raised his hand. “I already have Frumpkin, so I do not need to name another little creature.”

“Aw no Caleb, we were all so eager to hear what you’d name it.” Beau’s voice was deadpan. “Widogast’s Snail of Crystal is so catchy.” She grinned.

Caleb pulled a couple things from his bag and muttered something inaudible around his closed palms. He opened them slowly, like a chrysalis unfolding, and a small amber snail statue sat in his hand. “No, Beauregard, you’re mistaken. _This_ is Widogast’s Snail of Crystal.” His mouth tugged up in a smile.

“That’s actually pretty cool.” Beau nodded approvingly. “Maybe you should make some for TravelerCon souvenirs.”

A muffled shriek popped out from Jester. “Shit! TravelerCon!”

“How could you possibly forget about it?” Fjord looked incredulous.

“No, no, obviously I would never forget, it’s just been, gosh, I don’t know how long it’s been since we landed and I haven’t heard anything from the Traveler and I don’t even know how long we’ve been in this tunnel, and like, the crystals are really cool but hearing the Traveler is even cooler!” She raised her voice with the last sentence, looking around like she expected that flash of green at any moment.

“It is two forty-six in the afternoon.” Caleb started. “It is still early in the day, perhaps it would be a worthwhile attempt to make contact again before we proceed any further?”

“Yes, okay,” she clapped her hands once. “Ritual time, I can do it right here I just need a few things. Caleb can you do that crystal shaping again but make me a little dick statue? I think he’d really like that. I’ll put it right in the middle of the snails.”

Caleb handed her a freshly made crystal dick and she placed it in the middle of the ledge with honor.

“Oookay!” Her voice ran clear in the cavern. “You would not believe where we are right now, actually maybe you would since hopefully you’re already here somewhere, but there’s this really cool crystal cave and I’m gonna be leaving a bunch of status of you here for other people to find, so maybe you could come talk to me now?”

Jester kept her eyes closed for a long moment, too long, and her smile slid downward with each second. She popped one eye open.

“Anybody see anything?” She asked.

“Nobody’s here but us.” Fjord replied.

“Okay, okay. Maybe the crystal is like breaking up the spiritual air waves or something, I’ll try again.” She closed her eyes firmly, a look of determination on her face. “Oh Traveler! Hear me! Where are you? Why aren’t you answering? Look, I’ve been following these signs around the tunnels and that’s great and all, but I still have no idea what you want to do about TravelerCon, so maybe if you could talk to me we can figure it out?”

Another moment. Jester didn’t wait long this time. Her expression was impatient and a little sad. “I don’t understand what’s blocking-”

“ _Jester_ -” It was a strange echoing whisper, almost like it was bouncing out from the angles of the crystal itself. “ _Apologies, I really cannot talk right now, I am dealing with the most unfortunate of travel companions and a million issues with transportation. I trust any of your TravelerCon ideas, I’m sure they’ll be perfectly chaotic._ ”

Beau’s eyebrows were high. “Was that-?”

“Ohmygod you could hear that too?” Jester looked shocked. “Wow, maybe he really is as stressed as he sounds. The Traveler usually makes sure he can only be heard by me.”

“I wonder what he means by ‘issues with transportation’.” Caleb looked thoughtful.

“You don’t think the dragon turtle came back?” Fjord replied.

Caleb tapped his nose. “Exactly what I am thinking.”

Beau laughed. “Well that’s one way to cut down on the number of followers.”

“I really hope not.” Jester sounded a little miserable. “He promised me no one would get hurt, that we’ll just trick them into not following him anymore.”

Yasha patted her once on the shoulder. “The dragon turtle is probably very far away. We hit it pretty hard.”

Jester smiled. “Yeah, definitely. And it’s probably busy chasing another dragon turtle across the ocean or something. It did seem pretty lonely.”

“How can you tell the loneliness of a creature?” Essek raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve read like a million romance novels and I can totally tell. It’s a honed instinct.” She gave him a little wink and he turned quickly away.

Caduceus looked around the group. “It’s still pretty early in the day and we don’t know what’s next, but if you need me to commune too I’d be happy to talk to the Wildmother.”

“I think we should just keep moving forward for now. Those arrows are leading somewhere.”

“I agree with Fjord.” Beau raised her hand. “But how do we get out of here? I noticed several exits when we were wandering around. Did anyone mark the entrance we came in?”

“Caleb would know.” Veth gave him a thumbs-up.

“ _Ja_ , always.” He slowly turned on his heel, surveying the cavern in a full circle. Then he paused with a little frown sinking his face lower. He turned around again, slower this time. 

“This is the longest you’ve ever taken to reply.” Fjord said, the tiniest hint of anxiety in his voice.

Caleb waved him off, but still continued to rotate around. Then he stopped and pointed towards a rounded tunnel entrance across the cavern. “That is where we came in.”

“You sure about that?” Beau asked. “We’ve already been down here hours and it would suck to backtrack.”

“I’m sure.” His tone was icy enough for even Veth to raise her eyebrows. Caleb sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, his next words softer in tone. “These crystals are... giving me a headache. I am sure of the direction, even if it didn’t come as...quick as usual.”

Beau raised her hands up apologetically. “I wasn’t trying to piss you off. I’m just getting a little sick of being underground.”

“This wasn’t too bad.” Yasha gestured towards where the seven snails were still crawling across the ledge.

Beau gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, this wasn’t too bad.”

Jester clapped her hands again, the sound sharp in the cavern. “Okay let’s keep going and find the treasure and then the Traveler! Or the Traveler first, then the treasure. Or maybe-”

“Maybe the Traveler _is_ the treasure we find?” Veth offered.

“Obviously yeah, but I think it would be super cool to find some jewels too, we actually need more diamonds and I’d love to find enough gems to give to Orly to help teach me to tattoo someone else…”

“If that’s the entrance,” Fjord pointed towards the tunnel mouth. “It looks like there are two more ways out of here.” He pointed out two darkened holes opposite from each other on the other side of the cavern.

“Guess we need to look for more signs.” Caduceus smiled at him and started walking towards one of the exits. The group split into left and right to check for any arrows at the new tunnel entrances.

Essek caught Caleb’s wrist in his hand and pulled him to a stop. “The crystals are affecting you?” He asked quietly.

“It’s not a headache, not really.” Caleb tore his gaze away from the glinting glass walls to look into Essek’s eyes. “It’s a vacuum, an absence. I felt for a moment that the memory wasn’t going to come to me, that it was-”

“Being blocked.” Essek looked pensive. “Seems to be a recurring issue here.”

Caleb’s eyes darted back to their crystal surroundings and back to Essek, seemingly following the racing pace of his thoughts. “I don’t want to lose my memories, Essek.” 

There was a ragged pain to his words that made Essek immediately take notice, although he filed his questions away for later. This was not the right time to talk ( _it never seemed to be_ ) but it felt like another significant drop of information that formed the Caleb that stood before him. Wanting to distract Caleb from whatever was happening behind his eyes, and for lack of a better idea, Essek lifted Caleb’s hand and pressed his lips softly to his palm.

“Our friends are quite capable, I am sure we will find an escape from the tunnels soon. And then…” Essek trailed off, not quite brave enough in that moment to finish the sentence.

There was a glint of something in Caleb’s eyes, life returning. “And then…? You should finish your thought.” _A challenge_.

Essek’s eyes slid over to where the Nein were debating the tunnel choices. He wasn’t quite brazen enough to rise to the temptation, not when he was already fighting one hundred years of manners that dictated how a ‘ _proper Den Thelyss drow should act in public_ ’. He pressed another quick kiss to Caleb’s hand. “Soon.”

Then Essek let go and turned around, picking the left direction at random to walk towards Yasha, Beau, and Caduceus. 

Caleb looked down at his hand, trying to remember the last time he had been embraced so softly like that, his arm touched so intimately. He didn’t think it was the crystals cracking his mind, but rather that he hadn’t felt such a gentle kiss like that before. Certainly not since that first fire, and maybe not before.

Caleb shook off his thoughts and veered off in the other direction, approaching Jester, Veth, and Fjord.

He stepped up to hear them speaking in increasingly worried voices.

Jester saw him first. “Caleb! Do you have a detect magic spell but for detecting arrows specifically? Or maybe for sign posts or weird carvings?”

“Sorry to disappoint, but that is not my specialty. Is there an issue?”

Fjord sighed. “We can’t find the arrow, or any carving anywhere.” He gestured around the spiky arch of the tunnel entrance. “Look how much the crystals have grown out of the cave. It’s possible they’re covering something that was once there, but we haven’t found a trace of anything.”

“Beau!” Veth shouted across the way towards the other exit. “Find anything?”

“Let’s not-” Fjord started.

“No!” Beau yelled back. “But Caduceus thought-” her voice was echoing in the cave.

“What was that?” Veth shouted back.

“Why don’t we walk over there?” Fjord interrupted. “I’m starting to feel weird about how long we’ve been down here without seeing that many living creatures. I don’t want to alert anything that’s sleeping.”

“The snails were cute and totally harmless!” Jester reminded him.

“I’m not worried about snails. We don’t know what else could be down here with us.”

“The island has been pretty good so far! We wouldn’t pick this place for TravelerCon if it was totally unsafe.”

Fjord pointed to the evident burn holes on his shirt. “Harmless?”

Jester rolled her eyes. “It’s not like the Traveler brought those here personally himself. It’s a tropical island, there’s always going to be some weird native bugs and plant stuff.”

Fjord looked like he was in the midst of a dawning realization but then Beau interrupted.

“Oh good, you all came over. Caduceus has a -what did you call it?- an instinct, an insight or whatever.”

“I’m going to smell the tunnels.” He smiled at the group.

Veth chuckled and then realized he wasn’t joking. “What does that mean?”

“We’re trying to find a way out, not a way deeper in, right?” Everyone nodded. “Well then we should follow the tunnel that smells the nicest, the freshest.”

Caleb could see Essek’s extremely incredulous expression and stifled a smile down. “Do you need anything from us?” He focused back on Caduceus.

“Hmm, no.” Caduceus paused. “Fjord, maybe.”

“What’s up?” Fjord looked surprised. “I don’t have the best sense of smell, those years on sea…”

“Nah, this is more than just a sniff. Like I said, it’s an instinct kind of thing. Come on over with me.” 

Caduceus and Fjord started walking back to the other exit, apparently to compare the smells.

Veth shrugged. “Must be a Wildmother thing. Jester, how come the Traveler doesn't help you with smelling things?”

“He totally could if I asked! But I'd much rather use magic to heal and to hit things.”

“I really don't understand the gods.” Essek sighed.

“Well, what _do_ you believe in?” Beau side-eyed him a little.

“I did not mean to offend. You must remember where I come from the Luxon was everything, overwhelming and encompassing all ways of life. I’d rather believe in research, in knowledge, in fact.”

“You know there’s a god of knowledge in Exandria.”

“Hmm, sensible.” Essek nodded thoughtfully. 

Fjord and Caduceus came back after a moment, declaring the rightmost tunnel to smell more pleasant. They started down the tunnel path happy to have a direction, but there was a growing sense of uncertainty as they left the mirror shine of the crystals behind and entered once again into darkness.

Caleb refreshed his dancing orbs and was pleased to see pale blue ones floating alongside. The additional lights in the tunnel certainly helped his human eyes see better than before, and the soft glow pushed any uncertain thoughts back into shadow for now.

The silence was short lived, only five minutes passing before Jester started humming again. It began under her breath, repeating the musical phrase over and over, before it grew a little louder and slightly different than before.

She tugged on Yasha’s arm. “I got it! Yasha, can you do me a favor? Can you sing the song again? There’s something I want to do!”

“Oh. Yes, sure.” Yasha started quietly humming the song, but at Jester’s insistent expression, she sang it stronger.

Jester’s voice began weaving over the melody, adding words to Yasha’s ‘la-de-dah’ intonation.

“ _Traveling forward, traveling backward, traveling left and right! We walk all through the morning, and only rest at night. We are not the heroes you asked for, but we’ll do the job just fine! So remember our names when you call upon, the great and Mighty Nein!_ ”

Yasha stopped and smiled at Jester. “You made it a real song.”

“All I did was add words, and you totally helped with the melody, but was it good? I want it to be a fun walking song, but also incorporate TravelerCon and us, obviously, but be easy to learn and-”

“Did you just make that up?” Veth looked impressed.

“Well, I’ve been working on it in my head since before the crystal cave.” She grinned, looking pleased her friends liked it. “Let me teach it to you! It’ll work as a round too, so we can keep singing it with each other and it’ll turn into this really cool harmony.”

_It was so easy_ , Caleb thought as he was directed by Jester in tempo to sing along, _his friends and his family, their warmth and love given so easily now_ . None of them had thought twice about rebuking Jester’s attempts at singing a round, just as none of them had thought twice to help each other in battle, or before jumping headfirst to explore their path further. Essek had been the only one to resolutely stay out of the song, protesting that ‘ _enjoying fine music in Rosohna does not mean I know how to carry a tune myself_ ’. Caleb remembered what it felt to be the outsider, and to _keep_ himself the outsider by holding his heart too far away from friends or connections. If he had learned one thing fondly and deeply over these past months, it was that the Nein were impossibly stubborn at breaking down your walls and building bridges you thought you had already broke down to ruins. Essek would warm to them all with time, yes, Caleb was sure of it. He’d sing their song too, if not sooner than later, judging by the good-natured glares Jester kept sending Essek’s way for sitting their round out.

The song had dissolved into giggles after a while, as Veth’s improvised lyrics did nothing to improve the rhyme but certainly made it harder to continue. Beau had followed gamely along, and even found an impressive rhyme for _‘penis’_ that Jester hadn’t thought of, and the music had morphed into a showdown of dick jokes and terrible puns.

“You guys, this is totally going to be the best TravelerCon ever, and this could be our opening ceremony song!”

“Well, we could tweak the lyrics to be more about the Traveler and dicks.” Beau suggested.

“Oh definitely, the Mighty Nein part is just for us, and for Molly,” she nodded at Yasha. “But we could change the line to something like… um, ‘ _he’s not the first god you asked for, but the Traveler is better and cooler’_ or something.”

“That’s kind of a mouthful.” Veth said. “What if we try ‘ _the Traveler saw you walking, so he came to join your side-’_ ” 

“Veth, that’s perfect, and then we can finish it like ‘ _He’s super cool and awesome, the Traveler’s a god that’s-’_ umm…”

“Bonafide?” Fjord suggested.

“Hmm, maybe I should change the whole line, I still think I could find a way to get a dick joke in there too.” Jester murmured a few phrases under her breath, trying out options.

“Hey, Fjord.” Beau’s posture was suddenly tense and her tone devoid of previous laughter. Her voice was quiet though, a question not to be heard by everyone.

Fjord picked up on her tension right away. “What is it?” He said under his breath.

“First mate to Captain, do you think there’s a little...too much water on these walls right now?”

Now that Beau had caught his attention Fjord took a more careful look at his surroundings as they walked. “Condensation isn’t too unusual, but you’re right, this seems pretty wet.” He ran a hand across the tunnel wall and the surface came off on his palm like softened dirt, rather than solid carved rock. “Let’s loop Caduceus in, I don’t really know anything about tunnels and volcanoes.”

“Oh, I don’t know anything about tunnels either. I haven’t really spent much time underground.” Caduceus ducked his head between Beau and Fjord who looked surprised. “You weren’t talking as quietly as you think.”

“Any Wildmother insight?” Beau asked. “Smell something?”

“Sometimes when there’s a long thunderstorm in the grove some of the graves sink. During the dry spells the ground gets these pockets of air, and with enough water those pockets collapse back into themselves as the dirt comes together into soft mud. Great for the fungus though, they love that weather.”

Fjord’s eyebrows had inched up higher. “Can we go back to ‘ _collapse_ ’ because I really do not like the sound of that. Can that happen down here?”

Caduceus shrugged. “It doesn’t seem that wet yet, but again, I don’t know that much about tunnels. But when you think about it they’re sort of pockets under the ground, aren’t they?”

“Maybe we should walk faster.” Fjord turned away from Beau and Caduceus and spoke louder to the group. “I think we should pick up the pace.”

His tone of voice caught Caleb’s attention but he didn’t say anything, not just yet.

“What’s that Fjord?” Jester stopped her singing and looked over her shoulder. 

“I think it’d be good if we sped up a little and tried to find another nice solid cave before it gets to be evening.”

“You wanna lead the group then, Mr. Captain?” Veth called back.

“That’s not a bad idea, actually.” Fjord nudged Beau. “Keep an eye out back here, I’m going up front and I think I may start to jog.” He glanced around the tunnel, his eyes betraying his nerves.

Just as he started to weave his way up front there was a quiet rumble in the tunnel. It was nearly imperceptible, and the members of the Nein still humming and skipping along didn’t seem to notice. Fjord pushed to the front and started to speed walk.

“Hey Jester, why don’t you sing that a little faster? Then we can all jog along at that pace.”

Jester gave him a bemused look. “Is Beau making you train again? Or are you really hungry for dinner or something? I mean, we can always just take a snack break right here if-”

“No, I don’t think we should. I really think we-”

There was another rumble, but less mild this time. Some dust and a few rocks dribbled down from the tunnel ceiling.

“Did you feel that?” Veth’s voice had pitched up an octave, nearing her goblin past.

“Oh no,” Jester’s eyes were round. “You don’t think-?”

“Let’s hurry!” Beau shouted from the back. “Maybe we can find more solid ground ahead!”

They didn’t bother with the song anymore, the only sound was eight pairs of feet picking up from a jog into a run. The globules of amber and blue could barely keep up now, whirling through each other to stay in pace with the Nein.

They’ve fought demons and dragons, but this was a different kind of fear. They had no knowledge of where or _when_ these tunnels would end, or what it would mean if there was a collapse. Was it just water above them? Or worse, lava? 

Caleb wasn’t built for running, not like some of his friends, but it wouldn’t be the first time he fled from something lurking and unknown. He didn’t push away the dread, he swallowed every ounce of it, letting the icy threat of death send fuel to keep his legs running and running and-

There was another shake, much stronger this time, dislodging a moist chunk of the wall that added more sludge beneath their feet. It would take too long to turn back, and who knows if the crystal cavern could even offer protection, so they all hurried forward as some whispered prayers to their gods, some muttered incantations to plan which could work best.

A small murmur rolled through the tunnel, and a little sigh of relief went through the group as maybe the worst was over. But still they kept their pace up. They couldn’t let their guard down, not yet.

A minute passed, then five, and no more shaking. 

And then Fjord felt his foot sink further into the ground, the tunnel path before them damper than what they had left behind, the ceiling bowed in the uneven beginning of stalactites. 

He turned to say something, but it was drowned by the loudest quake so far. They all slid in the mud beneath them, some hitting the sides as they lost balance, clinging onto each other to be lifted back up.

A chunk fell from the ceiling, gravel and rock hitting the ground in a horrible _plunk_ , a sign of what to come.

“Hurry!” Fjord shouted. They thought of nothing else; it was their only hope.

Another sludgy chunk splashed down, narrowly missing Veth who jumped aside. More gravel and dirt rained down upon them, insult to injury as they slipped and scrambled against the wet mud underfoot. The dull spikes of stalactites looked more threatening than before as more rocks shifted loose from the ceiling and tumbled down on their heads.

Beau swiped a large stone aside as it fell towards her. “What do we do?” She yelled ahead.

“Just keep going!” Fjord called back.

“Traveler, please-!” Jester shouted. She didn’t finish her sentence as a slice of the wall seemed to surge forward in a spurt of mud and stone. Yasha yanked her back just in time, and Jester only got a splash of gravel across her dress. She turned, “Thank you-”

“Keep going!” Yasha helped Jester over the new rocky pile. “Go!”

Caleb felt his breath growing more ragged and he tried to pull out every reserve mote of energy in his body. _Not much further, it can’t be much further_ . He had lost track of how long they had been running, which was deeply disturbing in itself, but he clung to logic. It can’t be an endless tunnel. It just can’t be. _I’m not going to die in mud and dirt like this, not now. This isn't how I die._

The earth around them groaned in a cacophonous tearing sound, a thunderstorm of dirt and rock shattered on their heads, and several things happened at once. 

Caleb noticed Beau, who had surpassed him a while ago as she was much faster than him, look over her shoulder at the back of the group and her eyes went wide. Caleb noticed he no longer heard matching footsteps by his side. And then he noticed the blue lights that had mingled with his warm ones had been snuffed out.

He spun around to look where Beau was staring. 

The tunnel walls had split and collapsed inward, the ceiling cracked and falling, but any progress was frozen in time. The full weight of an impending cave-in was caught impossibly behind Essek’s hands, a glowing circle of runes holding back a crashing wave of sludge and stone.

Even from ten feet away Caleb saw the sheen of sweat on Essek’s brow and a slight shaking in his arms. _What was this costing him to cast this?_

“Essek!” He started jogging back to him.

“ _No!_ ” Essek’s shout was furious, pained. “Go! You only have a minute!”

 _He’s right_ , a quiet chilled voice in Caleb said, _What can you do? Would you sacrifice yourself too?_

 _No-_ another voice, _No, not now, not Essek, not this-_

Rapid footsteps were sprinting towards him. Beau paused for just long enough to make eye contact with Caleb. “I’m the fastest.” She didn’t need to say the rest out loud. _I’m not doing this for him_ , her eyes said, _I’m doing this for you_.

She sprinted up to Essek, grabbed him forcefully around his waist to lift him off his feet, and started to run back down the tunnel. Caleb picked up his pace again, trying to run as fast as he could while still looking behind him. If Essek was surprised by suddenly being carried, he didn’t show it. The full force of his concentration was focused on the energy pulsing down his arms and back into the runes holding the collapsing tunnel in frozen time.

For a moment it looked like they would make it. Their footsteps rang sharper as the ground went from soft to solid ground. Then a sound came from behind like the tunnel itself was choking and vomiting as Essek’s runes broke and the collapse surged forward, it’s momentum released with a fury. 

Beau was fast, but she wasn’t fast enough.

A crushing mix of mud and rock chased after them, a dark tide growing closer and closer, and then it swallowed them whole. A few more feet of crashing wave and the collapse slowed, the tunnel stronger where they stood now, and the cracks found no momentum on the solid rock.

Caleb ran forward, scrambling over the loose stones, every piston in his brain firing at once. _What could he do!?_ “Jester!” He shouted backwards. “Yasha!” He needed strength, the biggest rocks needed to be moved now, and then maybe he could-

They were already by his side, they probably turned back at the sound too. Caleb could vaguely feel himself being pulled back by Caduceus, leaving room for Jester and Yasha to grab the worst of the pile. 

Jester had tears on her face, “This isn’t fast enough!”

Yasha kept plowing through, knuckles bleeding as she grabbed rock after rock. “We have to try.”

“Magic.” Caduceus stood beside Jester. He raised his hand and a section of dirt from the pile pushed itself against the wall in a new slab of stone. Jester wiped her eyes on her sleeve and set her jaw with determination. Her and Caduceus pulled clump after clump of mud from the collapse, shaping it into harmless additions of ceiling and wall. Fjord knelt down with Yasha, grabbing the stones left behind.

Caleb felt shaky, like the tunnels were shifting around him again. There were too many people already elbow-to-elbow at the pile and he was no strongman. His magic...what use was fire against stone? The tunnel was stuffed horribly with dark sludge and sharp rock. And buried under that was Beau, his Empire sister, his partner. And Essek his, his…

A hand grabbed onto his. Caleb didn’t turn his gaze away from the collapse. He knew that steady hand, his best friend’s.

“They’ll get ‘em out.” Veth said.

He didn’t answer. The alternate option was too terrible to even allow himself to think. But there it was, unbidden and threatening in his mind.

Several long minutes passed. Caleb counted each second, focusing on the individual numbers instead of the passing time. _Eins, zwei, drei, vier_ …

There was a laughing sob from Jester, and a “oh thank the Wildmother” from Caduceus. He let go of Veth’s hand and surged forward, looking and hoping.

Beau had been unearthed up to her waist. Yasha linked her arms under Beau’s and started to tug.

“Wait!” Caduceus raised a hand. A few more piles of sludge from on top of her were moved to the side. “We don’t want to knock more of the rock down when we pull her out. Go slowly.”

Fjord reached forward, pushing aside the shifting rocks as Yasha gently pulled Beau out. She was limp and unconscious, scrapes and dirt everywhere, and the beginning of some new bruises across her arms and legs.

Yasha and Fjord carried her a few more feet away from the collapse, fully out of harm's way. 

“Is she knocked out, or-” Jester’s hands were shaking as she checked Beau’s pulse. “Okay, okay, she’s breathing. I’ll heal her, I can-”

Fjord stopped her hands. “I’ll wake her up, you go back to help Caduceus, you’re more useful than me over there.”

Yasha was hovering, looking worried. “Is she-?”

Fjord placed his hands on her shoulders, a soft green glow emanating from where he touched her. Beau gasped and then groaned. 

“ _Ughhhh_ ,” she frowned and opened her eyes. “How long was I out? Fuck, everything _hurts_.”

Yasha’s whole posture seemed to sigh in relief, and then she went back to the rock pile to continue helping.

Caleb had watched this exchange in fraught silence. He was thankful to the very core of his being that his friend was okay, that there were so many healing powers amongst the Nein. He turned to face the cave-in again, it’s sharp edges and black mud looking more foreboding. _Essek is weaker_ , a nasty anxious whisper said, _and he’s been under there longer than Beau now_.

He couldn’t stand aside, Caleb itched to _do something, anything_. He knelt down by Yasha, taking Fjord’s place, pushing aside the stones the best he could. It couldn’t be much deeper, Beau had been right next to Essek, even if they got pushed and separated in the force of the collapse, he couldn’t be too far.

Caleb dug into the rock and mud, the dirt stinging against new scrapes on his hands, he kept going. There was no choice but to keep going.

A glimpse of white under the gravel, he motioned to Yasha and they doubled their efforts in that area. White hair, muddied by dirt and dark blood, but familiar white hair. Between manual and magical labor, they lifted the worst of the pile off Essek’s head. He was facedown against the ground and what little they could see of his face looked slack and paler than normal. Caleb pressed his fingers against Essek’s neck, searching blindly for a pulse, wondering belatedly what a normal heart rate would be for a drow. He never thought to find out.

“Is he breathing?” Yasha asked beside him. 

Her question shook Caleb back to reality. “I don’t know.” His own honestly made him miserable.

“We need to lift more off of him so we can pull him out.” Caduceus’s voice was gentle, as always, but with an urgency that pushed sense ahead of fear in Caleb’s mind.

They dug again, moving rock from off his shoulders, then from his back. 

“I think we can lift him out now.” Jester said.

“I’ll hold the rock back if you can pull?” Yasha turned to Caleb.

“Maybe, I-” 

“I’ll help.” Jester knelt down beside him. “We’ll each take a side, we can get him out, and Yasha will totally stop the rocks from coming back down.”

"Yes, totally.” Yasha repeated.

Caleb wrapped an arm around Essek’s shoulder and back, and Jester followed suit. They tugged gently, pulling him out inches at a time, until his body was fully freed from the collapse. 

“We need to get him breathing, but turn him over slowly.” Caduceus leaned down. “Just in case he broke something.”

The three of them lifted and rolled him from his stomach onto his back. He looked much worse than Beau, who had always worn her bruises and scars proudly, but the scrapes and cuts seemed so foreign on Essek. The worst gash was across his forehead, where it looked like he might have landed on a sharp corner of rock, or had something smashed into him during the cave-in. Dark blood streaked down his face and dampened his hair.

Jester placed her hands on his chest and closed her eyes. Caleb could just barely hear her whispering _please and thank you_ to the Traveler as the magic flowed down from her and into Essek.

A moment passed.

It felt as frozen as whatever spell Essek had done in the tunnel.

And then he coughed, his chest rising and falling in rapid movement again. 

“Essek, can you hear me?’ Jester asked. 

He cracked one eyelid open, the one not smeared with dirt and blood. “Jes...ter.” His voice sounded dry and far away.

“Okay, he knows my name!” She pointed at Caleb. “Do you know who this is?”

Caleb looked down at Essek, a billowing flood of emotions hitting him at once, almost unrecognizable in their jumble. He felt relief, fear, guilt, love ( _yes, he could admit this quietly to himself, he felt a kind of love_ ), and anger. 

Essek’s eye met his own. “C-caleb?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re concussed or like amnesiac or anything.” Jester said. “Do you think you can walk?”

Caleb could see Essek’s hand slowly lifting off the ground, reaching out-

He stood up. “Do you think a secondary collapse could happen?” Caleb turned to address Caduceus.

“This section feels stronger, but those quakes are coming from the mountain, or the volcano itself. It’s unpredictable.”

Fjord walked slowly over, Beau propped against him. “We should keep moving then, try and find a better area to rest.”

“Onward ho, Captain!” Beau laughed and then started coughing. “Fuckin’ hell, I hate tunnels so much. My outfit is ruined, I am a giant walking bruise, and I don’t think I’m even gonna get any cool scars out of this!”

Fjord and Beau started limping down the path again as Caleb watched. Veth approached Caleb, facing the opposite direction back towards the cave-in. She glanced up at Caleb.

“Get out of your head.” She murmured to him.

“I am trying to process-”

“Just turn it off.”

Caleb looked at her confused.

She tapped her own head. “Brain go sleepy until later, okay? You look like you’re trying to think about a hundred things at once. Stop.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Lean down for me, Lebbie.”

He didn’t ask why, but he bent over. She reached up and smacked his forehead sharply. 

“There, I hit your off button. Now go help your...paramour? Boyfriend? What do I even call him, _ugh_ , they all feel weird to say…” She stuck her tongue out. “Go help Essek. You can wake your brain back up when we’re all somewhere safer.”

He turned around to see that Essek was now standing and leaning heavily against Jester. Both eyes were opened now as the worst of the blood must have been wiped away from his face. Essek looked right at Caleb as he approached. He must have been too exhausted to try to keep any guard up, because he gazed at Caleb with the most open expression of pain and longing.

“Oh good, you’re back!” Jester said brightly. “You can help me with Essek, He needs more healing than I can give him right now. I think he broke his ankle, so it’d be good for both of us to be on each side for stability or whatever.”

Caleb didn’t know what to say, so he opted to stay silent and simply nodded. He wrapped an arm around Essek’s waist, letting him lean in and hold Caleb’s shoulder as he hobbled forward.

The group walked as quickly as two injured party members could, wanting to leave the softer tunnel walls far, far behind. It was silent, for once, even Jester seemed to pick up on the darkened mood between them.

After five minutes, Essek whispered hoarsely near Caleb’s shoulder. “ _Caleb?_ ”

“I’m here.”

Essek didn’t ask him anything more.

Ten minutes doubled into twenty, and rolled into thirty. Caleb had stopped counting, but he had a general sense that one slow limping hour had passed before the tunnel started to widen. Caleb, Essek, and Jester had been squeezed shoulder to shoulder, but now the path was open enough for Caduceus to walk up beside them. 

“I think our prayers have been answered.” He winked towards Jester.

The tunnel stretched itself wider and wider until it was a mouth emptying eagerly into a cavern. Caleb’s globules all floated forward, lighting the way. There were no crystals here, but the space was just as expansive, full of warm and humid air. The sound of running water almost struck fear back into the group, but as the orbs illuminated more of the cavern it showed pools of steaming water tucked between tall columns of stalagmites.

“Hot springs!” Fjord sounded deeply relieved.

Beau grinned. “This is our first lucky break. I have never craved a hot tub more than I do at this moment.”

“Jester,” Caleb looked past Essek held between them to catch her eye. “You go ahead, I would like to have a moment alone with Essek.”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “Oookay, I’ll go explore with Yasha, you and Essek have your _moment_.” She helped Essek lean fully against Caleb and then skipped forward.

Caleb watched her go, then counted slowly until everyone was deeper into the cavern. The two of them were still near the mouth of the tunnel and he led Essek back against the wall.

“Can you stand without me?” Caleb asked.

Essek pushed off of Caleb to lean fully against the wall. “Yes, this is fine.” He gave Caleb an anxious glance. Something in his posture was ringing alarm bells.

Caleb was absentmindedly scratching at his forearm, his gaze somewhere between Essek’s knees and the ground, a deep frown on his face.

They stood in silence for long enough that Essek started to worry that maybe the crystals had truly done something to Caleb’s mind.

“Are you-” He started.

“ _What were you thinking_.” Caleb spoke quietly, his voice low and sandpapery.

Essek tilted his head, trying to see Caleb’s face. “I didn’t quite hear you, what-”

“What were you thinking?!” His words were splinter sharp. “That was extremely foolish.”

Of all the emotions Essek had possibly expected from Caleb in this moment, he hadn’t thought of _anger_. He squared his shoulders. “I was merely trying to help-”

“How did you know your spell would work? You haven’t been able to do magic like that since landing, if it had failed, if the rocks had crushed you-”

“It wasn’t going to fail.” Essek crossed his arms. “I refused to let it fail.”

Caleb scowled at him. “You could have died.”

“It would have been worth it then, if it meant saving all of you.”

“That is a coward’s choice.” Caleb’s glare was pure heat. “Dying a martyr only leaves you _dead_ . Don’t think for even a moment that you earn redemption by sacrificing yourself, none of us want that burden. You said you wanted forgiveness, you wanted change. Do you still want that path? Death isn’t some quick escape route to earn your second chance.”

Essek could feel his face flushing under Caleb’s intense scrutiny. He dug his heels in deeper. “I was not trying to _escape_ my choices, or my life. I was-” he took one long shaky inhale. “I do not want to die, but I did not want any of you hurt either.” Essek leaned back against the wall, letting his head knock against the rock as he looked upwards. “I wasn’t thinking; it was instinct.”

Caleb spun away from him, looking deeper into the cavern. Essek tried to read his posture, but all he saw were rigid lines.

Then Caleb turned back towards him, and closed the distance with a few quick steps. One hand grabbed at Essek’s shirt, the other in his hair, and he leaned in. There was a moment of pause, like a hand right before it strikes flint, where Caleb and Essek just breathed into each other. A question in Caleb’s eyes. The tiniest nod from Essek. Then Caleb surged forward into a kiss.

Essek wondered for a moment if Caleb could light a spell with just his tongue, for his mouth crashed against his with all the heat and intensity of a fireball. His body was slow to catch up, but with a jolt Essek’s hands wrapped around Caleb’s waist hungrily, pulling him roughly down against himself. 

Everything melted away. There was no rock wall against his back, no stone floor. There were flames against Essek’s skin on all sides. The spell he had done, impossibly and improbably, had left him a vacuum which Caleb seemed eager to fill. Essek felt like fire was being pushed into him at every point they connected; his mouth on Caleb’s, the pressure of Caleb’s palm on his chest, the bare skin beneath Essek’s fingers as he lifted Caleb’s shirt. He felt like the world was shaking all over again, but he was rooted into the spot by the ferocity and emotion in Caleb’s kiss. Essek didn’t feel exhausted anymore, didn’t sense the well of magic that had been drought-empty inside him. He could feel Caleb’s own magic energizing his blood and igniting the space inside him. He was alive, he was alive, _he was alive._

Their lips broke apart just as suddenly, their foreheads still gently resting against each other.  
Caleb kept his eyes closed, breathing in, out, in again. His palm had never moved from above Essek’s heart, like he needed to feel it himself to know it still beat.

When he opened his eyes again Caleb looked calmer, but the anger had melted into something darker and sadder. “I understand, I think, better than the others ever could.” He whispered, his breath tickling across Essek’s lips. “There’s a temptation to push others before yourself when you believe you are not...worthy of their forgiveness. But please-” he stepped back, until only his hand remained on Essek’s body. “Don’t choose death.”

Essek didn’t respond. He placed his hand over Caleb’s on his chest, hoping the right words would come. He did not want to lie. Since his first inkling of a plan to study the Beacons, Essek knew the possibility of death would haunt his every choice. It was a traitor’s gamble he had arrogantly been willing to take: glory or death. 

But that past choice seemed so weak now, his once glorious pursuits so small-minded against the sea of possibilities before him. 

Essek opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He still hadn't found the right words.

Caleb could probably tell him exactly how long they stood like that, both hands clasped atop Essek’s heart. The moment was only interrupted by an echoing voice from deeper within the cavern.

“Hey wizards,” Jester’s voice called. “Are you guys still over there? Is your moment done yet? Come on, the hot springs are great!”

Caleb stepped towards Essek, dropping his hand to instead lean against him. Essek once again propped himself up against Caleb’s body.

“Ready?” Caleb asked.

“Yes.”

They limped across the cavern, to where the rest of the Nein were crowded around the pools, excitedly talking and planning their evening.

The searing memory of that kiss was overriding any pain or bruises that Essek should feel. Caleb’s words had struck violently true, perhaps more than he had even intended. Essek, in those milliseconds before he acted, had wondered if he died would the worst part of himself then stay buried and forgotten compared to brighter memories. That maybe one last heroic act would prove that he had changed enough. It was selfish, and foolishly wrong, and Essek felt ashamed for having even thought it. 

Maybe it was the lingering surge of fire still swirling inside him, but Essek wanted to set that last shred of his past self aflame. Death may find him eventually, as it called on all living things, but Essek wanted to live, to really _live_ , first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. I really hope you're enjoying the story so far. I promise the next chapter isn't as angsty :)


	6. A Mystery Underground: Part III

They found the rest of the group towards the back of the cavern, gathered around the bubbling pools of water that honeycombed the area. Essek was sure his face was flushed (it had only been a handful of minutes since their kiss), but since he was still clinging onto Caleb as a crutch there was no covering what they had just been doing. And Essek couldn’t really find it in him to care if the Nein could guess their endeavors. He was  _ exhausted _ , physically and mentally.

“Caleb, you’re smart about stuff-” Jester immediately turned to face them as they approached.

“Sure.” There was an amused look on Caleb’s face.

“Can you tell everyone that it would be totally safe to sleep here for the night? The dome will protect us, right? And it’ll keep the steam and heat out?”

“The dome would protect us from the environment on all sides, barring an attack from underground.”

“Don’t start.” Beau crossed her arms. “Don’t even mention that. That bad luck is  _ not _ going to happen.” She gave him a grumpy look. “I am done moving for the night. Nothing sounds as good as dinner, hot tub, and sleep. Other than maybe the hot tub, dinner, and then sleep.”

“Dinner  _ and _ hot tub?” Yasha offered.

Beau’s face lit up. “You’re a genius. Let’s eat while we soak.”

“Is this water even safe?” Veth gave the pools a very suspicious look.

Caduceus sniffed the air. “I think it seems pretty normal, as far as underground hot springs go.”

“Have you ever seen springs like this before?” Fjord asked.

“Nope.” Caduceus grinned at him.

Beau was already starting to untie the sash of her pants. “Guess I’ll find out the fast way. Anyone else joining me?”

“Beau, but what if-”

“Don’t care.” She was leaving a trail of clothes behind her as she stepped towards the largest of the pools. “Did  _ you _ get pummeled by a pile of rocks today? No, I didn’t think so.” She was down to her underwear as she sat down on the edge of the bubbling water and dipped both of her legs in. She made a strangled sort of sigh and then slid in up to her shoulders.

“Is it okay?” Yasha had stepped quickly over after the somewhat alarming noise Beau had made.

“ _ Mmmitsgood. _ ” Beau sighed again, this time long and luxuriously. “Holy shit this is nice. It’s a little hot, but I am not complaining.”

Yasha started unbuckling the straps of her clothing and Beau gave a little cheer. 

“Yasha is in! Who else is joining?” She grinned over her shoulder at the group. “Come on guys, we deserve it after the last couple days.”

Fjord started walking over. “You suggested dinner at the same time? How’s that going to work?”

“I was thinking about that!” Jester started excitedly. “We could stoneshape some floating tables or something, and me and Caduceus can make the food. It’ll be like an in-water buffet!” She raised a hand up to high-five Caduceus and he gave her hand a little pat.

“Oh speaking of spells,” he turned to face Essek. “If I may?”

Essek nodded. Caduceus reached out and touched his shoulder. Sunshine warmth immediately started rolling down from Essek’s arm and flowing through his body into his injured leg. Even as Caduceus pulled his hand back Essek could still feel the pleasant tingling racing up and down his limbs. He leaned off of Caleb and gingerly shifted his weight onto the once-painful ankle. There was still a dull ache, but he could stand and he could walk. 

“I am very grateful, thank you Caduceus.” 

“Happy to help a friend.” He gave Essek a steady gaze. “You did us a helpful turn back there, slowing the rocks down like that.”

Essek didn’t know if Caduceus wanted a response, but he didn’t have a chance to make one as Jester piped up.

“That was a super cool trick, Essek! How did you do that? What kind of spell was it? Is it a dunamancy thing, can you teach that to me or do you have to be a wizard and read a bunch of boring books to learn it?”

“Well, Jester I-” His half-smile slid from his face as he realized the situation starting to play out around him. Jester was talking to him even as she tugged her boots off. Fjord’s shirt was on the ground behind him and his hands on his trouser laces. Yasha, and while Essek was really trying not to notice, was  _ naked _ as she slid into the pool beside Beau. This was a level of familiarity he had, despite his many years, never really witnessed before from any previous companions ( _ was this a thing close friends did? He lacked any experience to compare it to. _ )

He turned to Caduceus. “Do you need assistance in preparing the food?” Essek tried to keep his voice steady, like he was feeling perfectly fine about this situation, but it was still a half-octave above normal.

“Jester and I have it covered.” He gestured to the food platters before him. “I find that some uncomfortable things are uncomfortable because your unconscious mind is trying to warn you, but sometimes it’s only because it’s new and you don’t know what to expect. Don’t let the fear of trying something new always keep you on the outside looking in.” 

Caduceus smiled at Essek in a very benevolent way, but his words didn’t quite soothe the twist of anxiety in Essek’s stomach.

“Veth, are you-” Beau called out from the water.

“Oh hell no,” she said even as she walked over. “I’ll dip a foot in and that’s it. I’m bringing over the flask though, it feels like a whiskey kind of night.”

Jester stood on the edge looking around the pool. “Do you think it’ll fit all of us? Should we try and find a bigger one?”

Fjord swung his arms out back and forth. “There’s still plenty of room for three more.”

“We need to fit in four more though, Fjord.”

“What? It’s you, Caduceus, and Caleb…”

“And Essek!” She waved over at him. “You’re definitely coming in, right?”

“Um.” He’d be lying if he said his heart wasn’t racing faster. It wasn’t solely the sudden abundance of bare skin (there  _ were _ recreational pools in Rosohna, even if they were much more private, so it wasn’t entirely new to his eyes), but Essek was keenly aware of Caleb in his peripheral vision. Caleb unbuckling his book holster and untucking his shirt from his waistband. Caleb pulling the shirt off over his head and then reaching down to his belt. It was certainly a reality version of a daydream Essek had let flit through his head once or twice before, but certainly he had never imagined it quite like this. Caleb undressing. Essek pondering undressing. The whole of the Nein before them, a circle of friends where this was a completely normal activity for them. 

It was a  _ lot _ to take in.

Jester took his silence the wrong way. “Oh no, I didn’t even think about it, is this like a culture thing? Oh gosh, I’m sorry I don’t know anything about drow other than the little we’ve seen. Do you guys not do nudity before marriage or something? Should Caleb put his shirt back on?”

Essek closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could hear a stifled cough from Caleb’s direction and a few giggles from the pool.  _ She means well, _ he repeated,  _ she’s trying _ . 

“No, that’s not it at all, I’m… reserved, you might say. Years of Den Thelyss rules and expectations have cemented certain habits. But I’m not a  _ prude _ , if that’s what you are dancing around. This is nothing I have not seen before.”

Jester’s expression immediately went from concern into her trademark eyebrow waggle. “Oooh, Essek, does that mean you have  _ exes? _ Have you ever-”

“Did you say there was liquor?” Essek looked towards Veth, who grinned and raised a silver flask.

Beau clapped her hands gleefully. “Does this mean we’re playing slumber party confession games?” There was a strong chorus of ‘ _ no’s _ , and a few ‘ _ what’s that?’. _

Essek was thankful the distraction of food arrived shortly after he approached the pool. It gave him the extra time he wanted to unbutton the rest of his shirt and shrug out of it, carefully folding it on the ground a safe distance from errantly splashing water. Trousers were next and added to the folded pile. He left his underpants on. Essek liked the Nein, and what happened on the island was going to ‘ _ stay on the island _ ’ as Jester said, but he wasn’t ready to throw out all his boundaries. 

Caleb had slid into the water, underwear still on, during Jester’s conversation with Essek. He didn’t have issues with nudity himself, he certainly had walked bare into the ocean of Nicodranas without a second thought. But he could see Essek’s hesitation, and his nerves were infectious. Caleb tried to keep his gaze averted as Essek undressed, but then he started to wonder. Would it be ruder to watch him undress or to pointedly look away? Was Essek expecting him to watch, did he  _ want _ him to? In indecision, Caleb grabbed the flask that was offered to him by Veth and took a long slow drink from it.

There was a splash to his left and Caleb turned in time to see Essek disappear neck-deep into the water before he could really process what was happening.

“ _ Oh _ ,” Essek closed his eyes almost immediately. “This is quite hot, but it does feel nice after today.”

Caleb couldn’t turn away now, his memory immediately cataloging the exact width of Essek’s shoulders, the way his eyelashes fluttered down against his cheekbones, the little freckles that dotted his collarbone ( _ those are new, did that happen from the island sun? _ ). Then Essek ducked his whole head underwater, running his hands through his hair, and popped back up after a moment. Even as he pushed his hair back there was still water rolling down the planes of his face, droplets catching on his lips, running down his jaw. Caleb knew his ears must be growing red, but he still couldn’t turn away.

“Ugh, that might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen you do.” Veth stuck her tongue out at him.

“Would you rather I kept that dried blood in my hair?” Essek ran a hand through the swoop of bangs that had fallen forward again. He took in the frown on her face. “Do you not like the water?”

“Nope.” She answered simply.

“Oh my gosh,” Jester started. “Oh Essek, sometimes I forget how much we still need to catch you up on!”

“Eh,” Veth shrugged. “There are parts we can skip.”

“Agreed, he doesn’t need to know everything.” Beau gave him a serious look, then broke into a grin. “I wanna know the juicy stuff about you though.”

“Yes!” Jester clapped her hands. “And I don’t mean bad secrets, unless you’re still hiding something bad, but the fun stuff! Like, have you ever had any pets?-”

“Weirdest story about an ex-” Beau supplied.

“Have you read ‘ _ Tusk Love’ _ ?”

Beau snickered. “Oh man, that’s taking me back. We should read that out loud again.”

Caleb leaned over ( _ although it was only mere inches to cross _ ) and wordlessly handed Essek the flask. Essek gave him a small nod before taking a deep swig. Caleb’s eyes lingered a second more than necessary as a drop of water trickled down the line of his throat.

Essek swallowed and looked at the group. “Oh, were those not rhetorical examples of questions? Hmm, well in order: no, definitely not sharing, and no but I must admit I’m intrigued by that title. It sounds rather more exciting than the tomes of arcana I’ve been reading lately.” 

Jester looked delighted at the prospect of another read along. “Oh, you’re going to love it. There’s this really steamy part where Oskar- well, it’s really good in context so you’ll just have to wait for it.”

Veth reached over and Essek handed the flask back to her. She passed it down to Beau’s open and waiting hands.

“Don’t you have anything you want to share?” Beau took a bite of the food and chased it down with the whiskey, “This is extra delicious tonight Caduceus, whatever you added, keep doing that.” She turned back to Essek. “Come on man, you’re like a hundred years older than me, your life can’t have been that boring.”

He gave her a wry smile. “Many decades were committed to my magical studies, and I don’t think there are any interesting or party-appropriate stories there.”

“How about siblings?” Caduceus asked. “You said something back in the cave that made me think.” 

“You really are quite perceptive, Caduceus.” Essek didn’t expect  _ this _ subject to come up, but he supposed family was common enough to talk about with friends. “I do indeed have a sibling. One younger brother-”

Mild chaos broke out. Fjord’s “ _ You’re not an only child? _ ” overlapped with Veth’s “ _ Ha, really?! _ ” and Jester’s “ _ He has a secret brother too! _ ” as she nudged Beau.

He tried to follow the train of conversation. “Well, my brother is not a secret.”

“Mine isn’t either.” Beau rolled her eyes. “I just didn’t know about him immediately. It’s a whole  _ thing _ and I definitely do not want to get into it.”

“That I understand.” Essek nodded.

“I love him though.” She looked defensive. “He’s super cute and innocent and impossible not to love.”

“How old is your brother, Essek? Is he still a baby, or like a teenager?” Jester asked.

He couldn’t help but smile a little at that, recalling exactly what his brother was like at that age. “No, no, he’s an adult. I’m unsure if you’ve heard this term around Rosohna, but he is the Taskhand of the Bright Queen. Last I have heard, he is stationed in Bazzozan.”

“What is up with the Queen and hands,  _ Taskhand _ and  _ Shadowhand _ . What is a Shadowhand anyways?” Veth quipped.

“Somedays I do not know how to answer that question.” Essek reached his hand out and the flask was passed his way again.

“‘ _ Last you’ve heard _ ’,” Fjord repeated. “Haven’t talked to him in a while or something?”

“Family is...complicated.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Beau laughed.

“Family can be good.” Yasha said.

“Family can be  _ great _ .” Veth agreed.

“But still,” Caleb ventured. “Complicated.”

“Ooh, that reminds me,” Jester piped up. “I still need to try and get my mama and dad back together. There’s no way he won’t fall in love with mama all over again once he sees her.”

Essek raised an eyebrow. “Now that seems like an interesting story.”

“Our next stop should be Nicodranas after this! I can try and set them up, and we can all go shopping, and oh gosh Essek you need to see my mama perform. I mean, I guess you have seen her once but that wasn’t a very relaxing night, was it?”

It seemed so very long ago that he was disguised as Lord Thain, but yet it was not. Life seemed to move faster when traveling with this group.

“Perhaps we will all get a chance for another evening party without all the, er, subterfuge.” Essek sent an apologetic smile Jester’s way.

“Well, probably this week we will. I’m definitely planning something crazy for the first night of TravelerCon.”

“Speaking of,” Veth started. “You mentioned something about new special outfits? I had a great idea for your priestess outfit. See, we have these crystals now and…”

The conversation flowed as freely as the whiskey passed around the circle. It was brought back to TravelerCon planning several times, as it was the most pressing matter on many minds, but Essek also heard stories about black moss cupcakes and a superhero druid, about the carnaval where they first met, about ice caves and volcanoes and lizard people. Several lifetimes worth of adventures that he was surprised to learn had only been a year in their lives.

Essek told them more about his brother (Jester had asked if he was ‘ _ hot _ ’ to which Essek had no idea how to respond other than ‘ _ he’s easier to like than me, I’ve been told _ ’), a little more about his research hobbies, and a dash of a personal memory here and there.

The pool wasn’t overly large, it was rather reminiscent of the space they were used to with the dome, and they could comfortably pass the food and drink from person to person without leaning too far. There were inches between them and so it was easy for Essek to notice Caleb’s eyes on him as he spoke, gaze darting down to his lips every so often. Caleb’s touch lingered each time the flask was handed around, his fingers brushing against Essek’s. He also had the keen sense that Caleb wasn’t trying to hide any of these behaviors, not anymore. Essek shifted sideways as the conversation continued, one small inch at a time, until he could feel Caleb’s bare thigh flush against his own. Caleb had certainly noticed, the flush of his cheeks now spread down across his neck and chest. He was still in conversation with Veth beside him, but Essek could wait. He had many years to learn patience. He chose to watch Caleb now, idly imagining little patterns and constellations connecting the dots of freckles scattered across his skin. 

His eyes were tracing a path up Caleb’s neck to his cheeks when the path turned before him and Essek was staring right into blue eyes.

“Veth said you were staring. She said it was ‘ _ gross hearteyes _ ’.” Caleb gave him an amused smile, something softer twinkling in his eyes. “Was there something you wanted?” 

“I had a question.” Essek spoke before any of his other heated thoughts could ruin him.

Caleb nodded and Essek dropped his gaze. He had noticed before, even hidden under shirtsleeves and coats, but it was particularly hard to avoid when all was bare. He let his eyes travel up the raised pink scars across Caleb’s forearms.

“May I touch?” Essek asked, his voice quiet.

Caleb nodded again, but there was a small clench of tension in his jaw.

Essek reached into the clear water, gently taking Caleb’s wrist and raising his arm to the surface. With his other hand he traced feather-soft around the scars, not touching them directly, but following the negative space between them. He saw Caleb’s skin prickle with little goosebumps, but Essek was unsure if it was his touch, being lifted from the hot water, or something more.

“Was that your only question?” Caleb was looking intensely at Essek.

“I have seen this before.” 

“The Scourger in the jail cell.” Caleb answed.

Essek had to be honest. “Yes. But as I have learned more, have filled in the rest... I can guess, no, I am  _ certain _ I know some of the circumstances that caused this, the  _ who _ -”

“Essek-”

“And you… you speak of memories like things you would hate to lose, but with the fervor of a man who has lost before.” Essek tensed, waiting. He hadn’t meant to poke too far, not in such a public arena, but too many shifting pieces were unsettled in his head.

Caleb didn’t look away, but there was a glassy edge to his eyes. “We all have things we wish we could change about the countries and systems we come from. But I don’t just  _ wish _ , I want to. I need to.” A lick of fire returned to his gaze and he squeezed Essek’s hand. “Things  _ have _ to change.”

Essek nodded, barely blinking, trying to wordlessly let Caleb know  _ I understand now, I do _ . Outloud he spoke, “We do not need to talk further about it, if the subject...bothers you.” He let his fingers drop away from Caleb’s scars.

“Maybe not now, not here.” Caleb reached for Essek’s hand again, placing it back over his forearm. “I would like to talk openly about... many things. There is a backlog of subjects I feel we keep shelving for some unknown later time.” 

Essek smiled, knowing exactly the doublespeak Caleb was playing. “Or subjects interrupted at the worst of times.” His fingers were back to trace the soft skin between each scar, rising higher each time, walking a path up Caleb’s arm to his bicep. Then he dragged his finger back down to Caleb’s wrist, getting a little shiver in response.

“You’re a terrible tease.” Caleb’s words were barely audible.

“Do you want me to stop?” Essek whispered back.

“ _ No. _ ” Caleb shook his head.

Essek kept grazing his fingers across new paths on Caleb’s arms, voyaging through those scattered stars of freckles, keeping it to the bare skin that was appropriate to touch in such mixed company ( _ but finding it harder and harder to keep his mind from imagining going further and farther _ ).

Essek was cajoled back into a conversation with Jester and he placed his roaming hand into Caleb’s, settling to just hold it for now, hoping there would be promises of other things later. 

The evening was pleasant, as was the hot water surrounding him, and the warmth of liquor inside. After nearly an hour more of light conversing, Essek’s lean against Caleb had devolved into a full melt. He was resting his cheek against Caleb’s warm shoulder, his eyes drifting close, trying not to let the buzz of alcohol and conversation lull him to sleep. He wouldn’t admit it aloud, but this was the most he had drunk in a long while, and certainly with the most relaxing company.

“Essek _. _ ”

_ What a pleasant voice in his dream. _

“Essek?”

“Hmm?” He lifted his head up. Apparently he  _ had _ drifted off momentarily despite best efforts not to. Caleb’s face was an inch from his own. Essek quickly pulled away to straighten up, but noticed Caleb had one arm around his shoulders, keeping him lightly held in place.

“It is getting late.” Caleb was smiling at him, a full and genuine smile and Essek felt a little blinded by it. His perception pinged that there was still a circle of people around them, but in this moment he cared for nothing but being captured up by Caleb’s open expression.

“I’m pooped.” Jester’s voice came from his peripheral and Essek felt a tingle of reality.

“Yeah, I think we should crash for the night. I mean, this hot water is awesome, but I think I’m turning into a raisin.” Beau’s voice spoke. 

Essek leaned away from Caleb, forcing his body back into structure rather than the warm melt he had become. Caleb’s arm relaxed to let Essek sit up straight, but didn’t entirely let go.

“Caleb, can you do the dome? I think we’re all ready to sleep.” Fjord said.

“Of course.” Caleb’s gaze flitted away and he gave a small nod. He looked back at Essek. Just as Essek felt a little boneless himself, the liquor and hot water seemed to give Caleb a new relaxation to his movements and decisions, and the arm still hovering behind Essek reached up to card through Essek’s still-damp hair.

“Did you notice your hair has curled with the humidity?”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, as Essek was distracted by the sensation of Caleb’s fingers brushing through his hair. “Oh? Oh yes, that happens. I usually use a bit of prestidigitation to keep it in place.”

“It is...nice like this.” Caleb caught a curl between his fingers, lightly twirling it before brushing his hand back through. Essek was trying his damndest not to melt again.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” It was near impossible, with the heat still surrounding his skin and the soft hand in his hair, to not feel his eyes drift close yet again.

After a moment they heard- “Caleb, the dome?”

It seems most of the Nein had already clamored out of the hot pool and were in various stages of drying off and pulling clothes back on. Caleb dropped his hand from Essek and twisted around. 

“Of course, in a moment.”

Essek felt the need to say something, anything. “Apologies, I… I don’t often drink and I forgot how it affects me.”

“Do not apologize, I did not mind.” 

There was a look on Caleb’s face that made Essek desperately wish he could chase that flicker of desire further, but instead he grappled onto reason and pulled himself out of the water before he could change his mind. He lingered by the edge of the pool, letting the water run down his skin as he looked over his shoulder at Caleb. It had the exact effect Essek had intended; Caleb’s eyes traced the line of his body, following the rivulets of water down his back, his gaze pausing on the way the soft fabric of his underwear clung to his ass.

“Let us go to bed.” It was Essek’s turn to smile, and while he tried to keep his words impartial, he couldn’t help but give Caleb the hungriest look he could send through only his eyes.  _ I can hardly wait until we’re alone _ , he wanted to say, _ there’s so many things we’ve yet to explore _ .

He stayed a breath of a moment long enough to catch Caleb’s returning hungry gaze, and then strode off to where his clothes lay neatly in a pile. A little prestidigitation to dry off and Essek slipped back into his clothes, trying to hold onto that burst of confidence the liquor had briefly given him.

Caleb did not stumble over his incantation, it was far too familiar and practised for a single stroke to be missed. But his mind was certainly in two places as he sketched the chalk across the ground and the dome sprung up a second later.  _ Emotions _ had always been a tricky thing for him. Disaster always seemed to lurk at the extremes of feeling too much or feeling too little, and it had been quite a while since he had let himself  _ feel _ this much at all. He was certainly in love with his friends, his family, the Nein. Admiration, friendship, attraction, all wrapped up in a platonically messy bow. And then Essek was thrown into the equation, knocking Caleb off-kilter but not entirely in a bad way. All the same emotions simmering in extra heat and layered with a coating of mistrust (growing weaker each day as Caleb watched Essek make better choices). Still it was all so complicated. But it felt quite  _ uncomplicated _ when they touched, kissed, whispered against each other’s skin. Caleb dropped the chalk piece back into his component pouch and waved his friends inside the dome. Essek stepped in last, immediately sitting down beside Caleb on the ground. He looked at Caleb, a question in his eyes and the lingering heat of the hot tub still flushing his cheeks and ears.

It was becoming more than just a complicated brew of under-surface emotions. Caleb  _ desired _ Essek, and it was becoming a bit of a problem because Essek wanted him back. Caleb could tell ( _ oh, he could tell _ ) the desire was terribly, heatedly, mutual.

“I think I’m gonna sleep forever, that made me feel totally relaxed.” Beau murmured as she flopped onto her back, a big smile on her face.

“The dome only lasts for eight hours, as you know well Beauregard.” Caleb responded.

She stuck her tongue out but didn’t open her eyes. “You know someday you’re gonna have to learn to be  _ happy in the moment _ , Caleb. Don’t let facts take the joy out of life.”

His eyes flitted to his side, where Essek was folding his cloak into a makeshift pillow on the ground. “Something I am sure to learn alongside you all.”

“Stop being weird, Lebbie.” Veth’s voice was muffled as she snuggled into Jester, who in turn was settling ler legs across Beau and Yasha in the cramped space. “Don’t pretend like you’re not happy  with us already. Good night, okay?”

There was a chorus of  _ good-night-sleep-tights _ as nine bodies shifted and settled against one another in the cramped space of the dome. Caleb was still sitting, feeling more sober than he had in the water, and much more hesitant. He had already been asleep when Essek had lain down the night before, and Caleb’s only memories were of waking up curled next to him. But this felt like an  _ active choice _ , and the familiar thread of anxiety was lacing through his mind again. 

Essek had stretched out on the ground as much as he could without hitting the dome, one arm tucked under his folded cloak pillow, body turned away from Caleb. He didn’t know what to do, and again Caleb cursed himself for never having found a moment of time to just  _ ask _ Essek what they were, what they could be, what he wanted now. 

“If you’re waiting for an invitation,” a quiet voice broke through Caleb’s thoughts. Essek turned his head slightly to look up at Caleb. “You already have my permission.”

Caleb lay down, his decision made, and settled parallel to Essek. He reached out one arm ( _ he didn’t have to reach that far at all _ ) and let his fingers rest lightly on Essek’s side. He could feel a sharp inhale, a shaky exhale, and another slow inhale.

“While I am sure you are used to such...lodgings,” Essek spoke again, a whisper just for Caleb’s ears. “You are free to share what passes as my pillow. It is not much, but-”

“It is fine.” Caleb shifted closer, his arm draping across Essek’s waist now. “It is  _ nice _ .” His words sent a puff of air across Essek’s neck and he could see him shiver a little.

A hand settled on Caleb’s arm, tugging him a little closer. “Without the humidity, the air feels quite chilly inside the dome.”

He couldn’t resist any longer. Caleb pressed his lips to Essek’s neck, hearing and feeling the reactionary gasp. He tilted his head forward, pressing tiny kiss after kiss until he was right next to Essek’s ear. “I was under the impression that drow did not need to sleep as much as humans do?”

“I must admit I am being selfish.” He turned his head under Caleb’s lips, trying to return the kiss even at this angle. “You can’t fault me for wanting to be...close?”

“I have no complaints.” Caleb leaned over him, body draping Essek’s until their lips met. It was a lingering kiss, just the slowest simmer of heat as they melted as much as they could against each other. Essek squeezed Caleb's hand where it had settled against his chest and turned his head away. Caleb leaned back again into the pillow, burying his face against Essek’s soft hair. The slightly damp curls were tickling his nose but he didn’t care.

“Sleep well, Caleb.”

He was comfortable like this, Esske’s slow breathing and warm skin under his arms. “And you. Sweet dreams.”

As he drifted off Caleb almost didn’t catch Essek’s quiet reply. “I will. Eventually.”

\---~---~---

  
  


Caleb was surprised to find he had slept through until morning. The nightmares that usually startled him awake once or twice every rest didn’t visit him last night. He was the first one awake, as usual. There were mere minutes left on the dome and then he was sure the heat of the cavern would wake the rest of his friends. He kept his breathing even and his body still, only sliding his eyes downward to look at the figure resting beside him. They must have shifted positions while they slept as Caleb was now on his back with Essek half-draped across him. Essek had tucked his humidity-curled head against Caleb’s chest, one arm slung proprietarily across his middle. It had been so long since Caleb felt  _ held _ like this. He had slept snug with Nott before, back when he was still in survival mode. And there had been some warm nights so long ago with Astrid, Eadwulf, or both. But this was new. This was  _ wonderful _ . He almost dreaded the dome’s departure and inevitable beginning of morning, since it would mean the loss of the warmth and weight against his body.

He adjusted the position of his arm until he could reach Essek’s hair. Caleb wanted to be selfish and steal a private moment before the day began. As expected Essek stirred a little, making a soft hum as Caleb’s fingers softly ran across his head. After a minute, Essek stopped nuzzling deeper into Caleb’s shirt and tilted his head to look up with one eye open, still half asleep. 

“Good morning.” Caleb mouthed, keeping as quiet as possible. He could feel Essek’s smile against his chest more than see it. “I am sorry to wake you.” He continued.

Essek slightly propped himself up on one elbow to look at Caleb, the other hand still resting on Caleb’s chest. “I do not mind.” He mouthed back.

Now that they were both awake and holding eye contact, Caleb wasn’t sure what to say. Oh, he certainly had wishes and wants barely held behind the gate of his mouth, but nothing felt right to say at this moment. He grazed his fingers lightly across Essek’s cheek, moving down to gently cup his jaw. Even if he leaned forward, Essek was ever so slightly out of reach…

Like finishing his unspoken sentence, Essek shifted his body against him until he was propped up on elbows, face hovering a few inches from Caleb’s. He quirked his eyebrow up in a way that seemed to ask “ _ what now, Widowgast? _ ”

There were two minutes before the dome dropped, one-hundred-and-twenty seconds to take advantage of, and Caleb wanted to make each one last. It was a gentle kiss that said  _ hello again, _ a soft nip on the bottom lip that said  _ oh this is nice _ . Essek had one hand tracing the slowest line from his jaw down to his collarbone, and Caleb wished he could raise his arms up and pull Essek flush down against him. But they were down to twenty seconds and that wasn’t nearly enough. Caleb reached only one hand up, brushing Essek’s ear before tugging lightly at his hair. Essek gasped quietly against his mouth, then turned to press his lips against Caleb’s jaw instead. 

“Not fair.” He whispered into Caleb’s ear.

There was no time to agree, although he certainly did. Caleb cupped Essek’s jaw again, framing his face and pressed a light kiss to his forehead, to the tip of his nose, to his lips. 

And then the ceiling of the dome melted away, the humidity of the cavern dropping like a sudden misty cloud across them all. 

Essek tilted his body away again to return to a facsimile of their sleeping position; head leaning into Caleb’s chest, one hand draped across. Essek’s hand was fully awake now, gripping at Caleb’s shirt like he too wasn’t quite ready to let go of the moment.

Movements and muffled groans were happening around them now. A yawn from Beau, a quiet complaint from Jester about the sudden heat, the soft crunch of the ground as Fjord got to his feet to stretch his arms over his head. 

Caduceus was rumbling through his satchel and starting to ask who wanted tea, and only then did Essek start to move away. He rolled off and sat up, gazing towards the mostly-awake Nein as the morning began. Caleb stood all the way up and looked back down at Essek. There was a pensive look on Essek’s face as he watched breakfast and tea being rustled up. 

Caleb extended a hand. “Come on.” 

Essek sighed but took the hand nonetheless. He didn’t need it; the injuries of yesterday were lessened after his rest, but the steadiness of Caleb’s hand was appreciated.

Jester winked at Caleb as the pair of them joined the circle and Caduceus handed each of them a cup of tea. Essek spotted her, not that she was anything but jokingly obvious, and winked back. It  _ was _ a good morning and he wanted to play along. Jester looked delighted.

“Does anyone have a good plan for today?” Fjord started.

Veth squinted, still looking half-asleep, and held up her tea. “First, wake up. Second, have another cup to wake up.”

Beau tapped her cup against Veth’s. “Cheers to that.”

“Okay, okay, I want to try contacting the Traveler again for sure.” Jester said between bites of some slightly-hardened pastry she had found in her bag. “We really need to get out of these caves and start party planning!”

“You think he’ll tell us anything different than yesterday?” Veth asked.

“Yes! Remember, I’m his favorite and he wouldn’t want me getting lost and running late for TravelerCon!”

“We could check this cave out for more of those arrows,” Fjord suggested. “While you contact the Traveler. One of us will find something.”

Yasha was staring quietly into her cup, which wasn’t entirely unusual, but her furrowed brow looked serious. 

Beau lightly tapped her cup against Yasha’s to get her attention. “What’s up? You look worried.”

“Last night…” she sighed. “I had a dream. It felt...bad.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Caduceus asked. 

“Yes. I think that would be good.” She closed her eyes, frown still on her face as she tried to remember the details. “We were in the tunnel again, from yesterday. We kept walking...it felt like forever just walking. And then I looked around and none of you were there anymore, I was alone.” She opened her eyes and looked back down into her cup. “I kept going. What could I do? It didn’t feel right to turn around, and it was very dark behind me...and cold. It was getting colder as I walked. I thought… it seemed like it was getting lighter as I kept walking forward but the black… it was turning grey. And softer. I didn’t know what was happening.”

“Grey and soft?” Jester stuck her tongue out. “That sounds gross, like mold or something.”

“The ground did feel softer,” Yasha continued. “The walls too. My heart was racing. I thought the tunnel was going to collapse again. And then it did. The ground just... _ poofed _ … it was like I had fallen through a grey cloud, a storm cloud. It was so cold.”

She had everyone’s attention and they all waited as she tried to find the next words.

“What did you do?” Caduceus gently prompted.

She shrugged, looking sad again. “I just kept falling. I couldn’t stop, there was nothing to try and grab onto. And then I woke up.”

There was a long moment of silence.

And then Fjord broke it. “Well, that’s not ominous at all.”

“It was just a dream.” Yasha said.

“Dreams can mean things,” Caduceus looked thoughtful. “Have you had dreams like this before? Falling?”

She shrugged again, but didn’t elaborate.

“Isn’t falling a super common dream thing?” Veth started. “I’ve had falling dreams before, I’ve never gone through a cloud, but…”

“Maybe it’s just residual anxiety from yesterday, because of the tunnel collapse?” Beau suggested. 

Yasha glanced at her and then quickly back to her tea. “Maybe.”

Caduceus reached over and refilled her cup with the last of the tea pot. She smiled at him and sipped it gratefully.

As the rest of them finished their breakfast and cleared up the area where they slept, Jester wandered a little ways off to set up a ritual to contact the Traveler. She took her cup and filled it with some of the water from the hot springs pool, stating ‘ _ maybe it’ll help the Traveler sense where we are right now! _ ’ as she walked off.

Essek was still pondering Yasha’s words. It was the most he had ever heard her say in one go, but that wasn’t what shook him. He remembered the tunnel collapse vividly, the sensation of his spell snapping and failing, the crashing force of the rocks, the smothering pitch black that enveloped him… It wasn’t like falling through a cloud, but the description of  _ cold _ and  _ dark _ made him shiver.

A hand on his arm pulled him back to the present. He looked sideways and Caleb was right there next to him. Essek took a deep breath and tried to paste a neutral expression back onto his face.

Caleb took the cup from his hand and stacked it with his own to pass it back to Caduceus. He turned to Essek.

“You do not need to do that with me.” He said, half under his breath.

“What?” Essek responded, even though he knew perfectly well what Caleb was saying.

“Pretend.” He placed a hand on Essek’s knee, a brief warm touch, and then moved his hand away again. 

Logically Essek knew this. If anyone understood, it was Caleb. Honestly, all of them could probably understand what he was feeling. The whole of this group had experienced more disturbing events during their adventures than Essek could imagine. But it had been a very, very long time since Essek had ever felt so  _ helpless _ , and that feeling had sunk deep into his bones.

Jester returned with a spring in her step. “He was totally helpful today, you guys!” She announced. “He said there’s an exit over there,” she pointed towards a shadowy spot behind an outcropping of stalagmites. “That will lead us out of here super quickly. He even popped his head down the path and saw there’s no weird creatures waiting for us!”

“Best thing I’ve heard all week. Thank the Traveler!” Veth held up her hand and Jester gave it a big high five.

“I mean, the Traveler is the reason we’re here in the first place-” Fjord started.

Beau cut him off. “Alright, let’s go! I can’t wait to get some fresh air.” She started heading towards the exit across the cavern. 

There was indeed a split in the cave wall tucked behind spikes of stalagmite. It was a tight wiggle for the largest of their group, but after the initial small mouth the exit opened up into a walkable tunnel. 

A renewed vigor had returned to everyone’s step. The relaxation of last night combined with the hope of finally escaping from underground had everyone stepping lightly and humming along with Jester’s song.

The path wove and wound in more directions than the straighter tunnels they had traversed yesterday, but Jester’s faith in the Traveler kept most of them optimistic. They kept walking, singing, even dancing a little, and the next half-hour was easily passed.

Until they reached a fork in the road.  The path was splitting again into two narrow tunnels.

“Did the Traveler say anything about this?” Veth turned to look at Jester.

She was biting her lip, her brow creased in worry. 

Fjord looked around. “Maybe there’s more of those arrows. Beau, can you come help me look?”

“You don’t need to.” Yasha’s voice came as a surprise. It seemed sharper than normal.

Beau looked at her. “Do you see an arrow already?”

“No.” Yasha raised her hand slowly, pointing down the left tunnel path. “That is the right way.”

Caduceus had taken a few steps towards her, leaning slightly to look directly into her eyes. 

“You sure? How do you know?” Veth asked.

She kept pointing. “I just know.”

“Maybe we should all take a moment,” Caduceus started.

“She’s right.” Jester spoke up. “We go that way.”

Beau whirled to look at her. There was a slight glassy look in her eyes, but it could be a trick of the light in the dim tunnels.

“Is this a god thing?” Beau asked. “Is the Traveler speaking, uh,  _ through _ you or something?”

Caduceus glanced down the path and gripped his staff a little firmer. “I think we should be wary and ready. But I don’t sense anything immediately  _ bad _ down that path.”

Fjord summoned his sword, the faint glow adding more light to the tunnel. “Okay, I’ll go first-”

But Yasha had already started moving forward with Jester right beside her. Fjord hurried to step in front of them.

They filed into the next section of the tunnel, hands readied on swords and staffs, eyes darting around. Yasha and Jester kept walking at an unbroken pace, Fjord having to jog a little to stay ahead of them. Beau kept her eyes roaming left and right, but the tunnel looked similar to previous ones. It was growing wider, the only noticeable difference, but the stone color was unchanging and the atmosphere the same stuffy air. 

Yasha and Jester kept the group moving at a quick pace, only saying variations of “this is the right way” and “I know where to go” when prompted with questions. It was unnerving, but they were resistant to being pulled back, and the Nein refused to let them continue forward alone.

Caleb quickened his pace to catch up to Beau. “I could try a counterspell.”

Beau shook her head. “Save your spells for now. If they’re leading us somewhere  _ bad _ we may need that.” 

“I don’t like this.” Caleb muttered.

“Yeah, neither do I.” Beau’s grip was tight on her staff. “I’m not sure if it’s the Traveler anymore. Maybe it never has been.”

Caleb frowned. “I trust Jester, but yes, this feels different.”

Beau tapped her brow. “Keep your eyes open. And tell me if you sense anything magically weird.”

The next twenty minutes passed in quiet tension. Fjord led the group and occasionally interrupted the silence to call out to check in with his friends. Yasha and Jester continued to be unresponsive to any conversation.

And then the tunnel suddenly filled with smoke. Grey, clingy, moist. No- it wasn’t smoke, it was like walking into a cloud, falling forward through opaque mist.

“Don’t breathe in!” Caduceus yelled out, but it was too late.

Caleb reached for his scarf to cover his mouth but his hands were slow to drag through the cloud. It felt like paddling through mud in the air. He could feel a sharp yank around his middle, like something had grabbed him and was pulling him forward. He remembered Yasha’s words,  _ falling, falling, I couldn't stop _ . 

And then he hit the ground.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, one more bonus chapter after this and then all will be wrapped up. :) Thank you all for your patience! 
> 
> Thanks for every comment, kudos, and encouragement as always. I really deeply appreciate them. <3

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I would have time to write and post more of this before canon began again, but this series was never really about following canon ;)
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos, I really appreciate it.
> 
> Feel free to bother me/chat on [tumblr](https://caleb-says-nein.tumblr.com/)


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